One Last Shot

[39] Sticky Notes and Astronauts

Liam

A friend? That's all I am? It stings because I thought that kiss meant something. It felt like it meant something at least. I get lost in my thoughts, and bump into someone walking in front of me on my way to class.

"Watch it!" She snaps.

"Sorry," I murmur as I look down at the girl picking up her books. As she rises, my eyes go wide.

"Oh."

"Can we talk-" She walks past me. I don't even think we're friends anymore, which stings even more. If she doesn't want to talk, then fine, we won't talk.

The next day, walking to class, I see her again. She sees me, and opens her mouth to say something, but this time I'm the one to walk away. If she didn't want to talk yesterday, then I don't want to talk today. It's not that my ego's bruised, it's just that I really started falling for her, and that never happens. Everyday I was with her the love I had for her bubbled for her more, and to feel that all get doused with one word is painful. Love? Yeah, love. Sometimes they say you don't realize what you had until it's gone, and it's gone, and I finally realize how much I care about her, love her for fuck's sake.

Later, at practice, Marcus approaches me, a giddy smile on his face.

"How has it been with Iris since the kiss?" I'm taken aback. She must've not told him, because of Lix and the whole team. I make eye contact with Grayson from behind Marcus, who sees my subtle panic and rushes over.

"Liam, can you work with me on something? Can you just defend me? I need to improve this new technique I've been working on."

"For sure man, hey, we'll talk later Marcus, okay?"

"Sure, no problem lover boy," Marcus says in a sing-songy voice, all giddy and happy. I feel a pang in my chest. Is this heartache? Is this having your heart broken? I never want to feel it again. I have to stay away from her. She's like a drug. If I fall back into that trap, I'll hurt more than I do now, and I can't do that. After practice, we all head home, and I lock myself in my room. I need to clean my room, anything to get my mind off her.

I get all my laundry done, and I finally grab a trash bag. Lots of crumpled up pieces of paper on my floor, it's time to clean. I pick one up, curious, and open it.

"I slide into crowds

Just to look for you."

I open another.

"The smile on your face

Is worth more to see

Than any king or rich man make."

I must've written these while I was figuring out my feelings for her, I must've forgotten I did them. I clearly hated them all, since they're crumpled on the floor, so what's the point of keeping them? I toss them all into the trash bag, before finding wrappers of astronaut ice cream sitting on my desk. I kept the wrappers since we couldn't find a trashcan around at the park, and I forgot to throw them away. This is like heartbreak central right now. As I stare at the wrappers, not ready to throw them away, there's a knock at my door.

I unlock the door, opening it, and Jasper and Grayson are standing there, Connor behind them.

"You're still here Connor?"

"I came back. Grayson called me."

"Why?"

"We need to fix this."

"No," Jasper corrects, "He needs to fix this." I open my door wider for them to come in, and they all cram onto my bed and chair. "You're too sad. You aren't yourself when you and Iris are fighting."

"This isn't a fight," I clarify. "We aren't speaking, our relationship has ceased."

"Stop being a tough guy," Grayson rolls his eyes. "You love her! You're letting her get away!"

"She doesn't feel the same way."

"Did you ask her that?" Connor asks. I shake my head, and he and Grayson share an annoyed look. "What if it was just a slip up? This is just shitty miscommunication."

"I wish we wouldn't communicate at all," I mumble.

"Boys are so stubborn," Connor groans. "Go get her! Fix this! Clear it all up, or at least tell her how you feel! Maybe it'll change things!"

"It won't. Iris is very set in stone with her beliefs, it's something I love about her." I catch myself saying love again, present tense.

"See! You still care about her!" Jasper yells. "You still love her, go fix this, right now or I'm kicking you out of the house." I stare at the astronaut ice cream packages on the desk, grab them, and pull the sticky notes out of the trash. With a newfound confidence, I get in my car and drive to the girls' house. Parking in the driveway, I storm up to the front door, knocking on it. Lilly opens it, her smile dropping immediately when she sees me.

"I don't think you should be here." Why is she being so cold to me? Did I do something wrong?

"I think I'm right where I need to be. Is Iris here?"

"What does it matter to you? Going to call her the campus slut again?" Oh fuck. I was angry, after she friendzoned me. She must've taken what I said in that way, and not in an emotional way.

"No, no this is worse than I thought. Please, just let me in. Let me talk to her."

"Let him in," I hear Violet say, and begrudgingly, Lilly opens the door. Violet is standing behind her as I walk in. "You better fix this, I don't like seeing Iris sad because of a guy." I nod a determined nod, and march to her room. I knock, waiting for a reply.

"Iris. Open the door."

"Who is this?"

"Iris." My voice is stern, I'm fixing this right now.

"Sorry, the campus slut is busy being a slut."

"I didn't mean it like that! Just let me in. I need to talk to you."

"You can through the door."

"I need to see your face. I need to look in your eyes." The doorknob turns, and she opens it, an annoyed look on her face.

"You need to look in my eyes? Really? Trying to pull that flirty bullshit with me after the shit you said?"

"Just listen." I push my way into her room, taking a deep breath. "This." I hold out the astronaut ice cream packages. "Was the day I realized how good you were with Kai. The day I realized how well we worked together. These," I pull the crumpled up sticky notes, ''were how I tried verbalizing my feelings for you."