One Last Shot

[40] A Gem

   Iris

"What are you saying?" I ask, mildly in shock.

"You know what I'm saying," he sighs, exasperated.

"Do you want to say it?" He just looks at me. "I can tell you've never done this before."

"Done what?"

"Cared for someone," I laugh. "You can tell someone you care about them, you know."

"I care about you."

"I know." His face is relaxed now, the stern look from earlier has ceased.

"But," my heart drops. "I know you don't care about me."

"Yes I do," I scoff. "Why wouldn't I? You took care of me after my car accident, drove me places, dropped everything to help repair my car, how could I not care about you? You're not a bad person, Liam. I know I can make it seem like I don't care about you, or that I hate you, but I haven't hated you in a long time."

"But when you were helping clean up my face after my fight..."

"What?"

"When you were cleaning my face after our kiss, you said I was a good friend." My eyes go wide, my mouth hangs open, and I internally beat myself up for being so stupid.

"Oh fuck, I said that?"

"So then I was angry, because I think of you as more than a friend, and lashed out."

"Yeah," I scoff, "You could say that. I never expected you would call me the campus slut."

"I said that in anger, I was hurt that you didn't feel the same way, I thought that kiss meant something. I meant emotionally fucking with people, not physically. I guess I should've clarified."

I thought that kiss meant something. I did too. But now, looking at the man in front of me, all my fears are coming true. It's already started, I misspoke and he got upset. I've already started ruining him. I can't bear to watch this amazing man fall at the hands of me.

"Well, yeah, you should've." My heart hurts, I can't bring myself to hurt him, but I can't bring myself to love him fully. We still fight, and as much as I love him, I won't love myself if I make him upset, or angry.

"Do you think the kiss meant something?"

Yes. "It was the pain medication."

"Oh." I see his face fall, and I divert my eyes. I feel tears welling in my eyes, I hate myself for this. "So, you do just see me as a friend." I stay quiet, I can't bring myself to look in his eyes. "Okay. Well, I'm going to go. See you around Iris."

"Can we tell everybody we made up?" I ask, looking at my feet. "Just that we're friends, so everybody can stop glaring at us."

"Fine." I watch him leave my room, the tears freely falling from my face. This was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I hate myself for it, but I'm protecting him. I compose myself, wiping my tears, and leave my room.

"We're friends." I hear Liam say. Friends.

"Oh bullshit!" Lilly yells.

"We're friends," I enter the conversation, walking over to the couch. "Marcus never finds out about this, correct?"

"Fine," Lilly huffs, crossing her arms.

"I'll be going now. See you ladies around." His tone is sad, and he leaves without hearing anyone say "Goodbye Liam!" or "Nice to see you!", not that those come. Violet and Lilly look at me, noticing something is wrong.

"Okay, what happened?"

"He told me he cares about me."

"Then why the fuck did he just say you guys are friends?!" Violet yells, seething.

"Because I told him the kiss meant nothing."

"Are you a fucking idiot?!" She yells again.

"Violet," Lilly puts a hand up to stop her.

"No! We told you over and over again, he loves you just as much as you love him, and you're letting him go?!"

"He said that stuff about me because I said he was a good friend. I wasn't thinking, I never am. I already started tainting him."

"Tainting him?" It's Lilly's turn to yell. "Go to fucking therapy Iris! You don't taint people, I'm not tainted, Violet isn't tainted, Jacob isn't tainted, and Liam is not tainted. You slipped up, big deal! You had a misunderstanding, shit happens! Go back and get him, you idiot!"

"I can't."

"Your legs are working fine, you can do it."

"I need to think about my priorities."

"So you're going to see him, knowing you love him, and not do anything? Just live your life around him?"

"Yes."

"Pathetic." Violet spits.

"I just want to know what I want!" I yell back. "Stop making me seem like a pitiful whore when I'm just trying to figure out what I want!" I get up, storming to my room, slamming the door. I lay on my bed, tears staining my pillow.

I must fall asleep, because I shoot up when my phone rings, wincing in pain. Jillian's name blasts on my phone screen.

"Hello?" She asks as I answer.

"Hi Jillian."

"Iris, I have an amazing opportunity for you! There's a fundraising event tonight, I got you an invitation. Fantastic non profit connections."

"I'll be there."

"Fantastic! Good luck."

"Thanks Jillian." I must have slept through the entire next morning, because it's now three P.M. and the event starts at five. I get up, surveying my rough appearance, before getting ready. As I leave my room, I see Violet and Lilly sitting at the counter.

"Hi." They turn and look at me.

"Where are you off to?" Violet asks, her tone emotionless.

"An event. I need a ride."

"I'll drive you," Lilly says, grabbing her keys before we head out to her car. "You have the address?"

"Yes." Lilly nods and the car starts moving.

"You know," she keeps her eyes on the road, "it's not that we're mad at you over a guy. We're mad at you because we have repeatedly told you that your self perception in relationships is fucked, yet you still fall back into it. If it was any other guy, we probably would say fuck him, but Liam is a gem. He's your gem. Don't bury him back into the sand where you found him, for someone else to find him and actually hurt him."

"I haven't dated in so long, what if I become Megan?"

"Trust me, Liam wouldn't let that happen, and your friends sure as hell wouldn't. We're too honest for that."

"Let me get through this event, and then I'll think."

"Violet and I will be here to help," she squeezes my hand.

"Thank you."