Holding On

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

We have just finished eating and now I am gathering my phone and purse as I am getting ready to go back to the B&B. I've been here for a while now and I'm sure that my mom is worried about me even though I'd informed her earlier of my whereabouts but still. We didn't discuss what he spoke about earlier any further while we were eating, I guess because the timing wasn't right, and I think he is still giving me time to process all that he'd shared with me. To be honest, it was a lot, and I'm not sure how to receive all of it. Although I'm grateful that he openly shared his intentions about us, well me, my racing thoughts can't seem to be any less loud. For one, I really don't know this guy, I know I know *eyeroll*, but in all honesty, I don't know him. For example, where he grew up, how many siblings he has, his age, what he does for a living and so forth. Secondly, I haven't been in a relationship in a while, not that any of my previous engagements qualify to be labeled as relationships but you get what I mean. This man boldly told me that he is not here to play games, that this is it for him, so how do I now start sharing myself with someone else... someone far from me even. That's another thing that scares the living daylights out of me, how will we manage our possible relationship with distance between us? It would've eased my mind if at least I was getting to know him, elapha ecaleni kwam (here next to me) but we will be miles apart and we will have 'trust' that we will remain true to ourselves and to each other. We all know indoda ngeze uyithembe, (you can't trust a man) I mean these creatures are able to hide human beings and build families with you right next to them. How much more deceitful can they be when their partner is not next to them? I know I shouldn't be stressed this much about this considering that I haven't even decided yet as to whether we will pursue this relationship or not, but these are the thoughts that are currently going through my mind, which are making me worry.

Anyway, we gather out stuff and head out of the house to the car. He's been quiet since I started gathering my things, I'm not sure if he's thinking of what I'm thinking about or if he's bothered by something else. Mna ke ndiyazithanda, asoze ndizifake ezintweni zabantu ngekani. (I love myself; I'll never force myself into people's matters) Throughout the drive the only audible sound is that coming from the radio, but I find comfort in his hand that is intertwined with mine that he caresses every now and then. I interpret this non-verbal que as him telling me that 'we're good and he's not frustrated or angry at me'. I've come to realize that he likes displaying his affection through PDA and honestly, I am here for it. I love being touched, be it a hug, or holding hands, any of it, I just love it. Soon we turn into the street of the B&B and my mood suddenly drops, I dread having to part with him... weird I know. He parks just by the gate and shifts his body on the seat so that he can look at me. My shyness doesn't fail to make itself known and I find myself looking everywhere else but his direction.

Him: Sesifikile (we have arrived)

Me: I can see. Thank you for bringing me back. Thank you for the lunch as well, it was delicious

He made us a mean lasagna... I know, right? Even I was surprised, pleasantly surprised though. Not many men know such, let's call them 'delicacies.

Him: Anything for my wife

I blush profusely, thank goodness I'm not that fair skinned otherwise, ngendiyi (I would be a) tomato... Yho (wow) "anything for my wife", surely, he wants to see me take off my... You know what, let me just not even go there. Let me just reel in my thoughts and pull myself toward myself.

Me: Siya man!

Him: Kanti, awuzoba nguye? (But won't you be)

Me: Hai man Siya stop it. I'm going to get out of this car if you carry on like this