Holding On

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

My purse slips down my shoulder and drops to the floor with the rest of the items in my hand, the plastics, and my travel bag. I'm so defeated right now. How can Inga be so careless and impregnate someone's daughter when he's so young. He's not even done with his degree, nor does he have a job. I wonder how he intends on fending for his little family now that he's the head of a household? I walk further in the kitchen and plant a kiss on my fuming mother's cheek and drop myself on one of the chairs in the kitchen while Inga is still standing in the same spot that I found him in when I walked in with the baby wailing in his hands. My mom hasn't shifted an ounce from her initial position as she's still throwing daggers at Inga. Inimba ka mama eats away at her, and she snatches the baby out of his arms and tries hushing her down. (Mom conscious) "Has she eaten?" she bellows. Inga shakes his head before perusing through the baby backpack that's strapped on his back and hands over a bottle filled with what I presume is Nestlé. My mom grabs the bottle out of his hand, opens the lid and feeds the baby. As soon as the bottle teat comes into contact with her lips, she latches on and starts sucking aggressively. I catch a tear trickle down Inga's eye before he wipes it away. My mom leers Inga's way, "Uyakwazi ukumenza kodwa wohlulwa kukumondla," she snaps at him. (You know how to make her yet, you fail to feed her) Inga's shoulders drop and hang low just as he drops his head in shame. I would feel sorry for him but today I don't. I'm so defeated. "Inga?" I call out to him, softly. He raises his face to look my way with tears glistening in his eyes. "Take a seat bhuti," I beckon him with my hand. (Brother) He nods his head before walking towards one of the chairs in the kitchen and takes a seat. "What's going on mntasekhaya?" I inquire, concerned. (My brother) The tears that he was trying to hold back trickle down like raindrops and they soon start overflowing down his face. He shakes his head before saying, "I'm sorry sisi. I'm so sorry," he repeats. (Sister) "Talk to me, mntase, what's going on?" I plead even more with him. (My brother) He looks so exhausted and broken. I shift my gaze to mom and she's paying no mind to us but is engrossed in her grandchild. I chuckle lightly while shaking my head. Was she not the one who was just about to murder uInga just now kodwa mjonge ngoku? (But look at her now) Parents! Ai. I shift my gaze back to a softly sobbing Inga who's hunched on the chair with his head held between his hands. He looks like a man who's carrying the world on his shoulders. "I met a girl early last year back in varsity, she's from North West and we met during one of our lectures. We started off as friends before our relationship evolved into a romantic one. Everything was going well in our relationship; she was the epitome of perfection and she had everything that I was looking for in a girlfriend. She was very outgoing, intelligent, and used to constantly encourage me to be better and do better. Late last year she started not feeling well and when we went to the doctor to find out what was the matter, we found out that we were pregnant. We were both scared and unsure on how to handle our new predicament but in the end, we decided not to tell either of our families and we started preparing ahead for our baby. I started working as a waiter after school while she tutored students in her spare time. In months where we needed to go for a check-up and were short of money, I would use some of my allowance to top us up -" I interrupt him, "The money I sent you for your trip to the Constitutional Court... Was there even a trip like that to begin with?" He nods his head in confirmation which causes me to sigh in relief. I bob my head as a sign for him to continue. "The baby was developing well, and it seemed like we'd got a hang of our new lifestyle. Through it all we always made sure that our marks didn't suffer as that would raise flags to both our families. The baby was due at the end of May, but she only delivered early-June. After labor, the doctors struggled with controlling her excessive bleeding. They did all they could, but they lost the battle and she passed away. I had never met her family before as the pregnancy deterred us from taking that step in our relationship, but the circumstances forced me to reach out to her family and inform them of their daughter's loss." He breaks into a loud sob, and I instinctively launch myself on him and wrap my arms around him. "Ngxesi mntakamama, ngxesi Zizi," I say while gently soothing his back as I fight back my own tears. (I'm sorry my brother. I'm sorry) "They... they arrived at the hospital after I'd provided them with the relevant information and as soon as they saw me, they started hurling insults at me, saying that I killed their daughter. They accused me of witchcraft saying that I had sacrificed their daughter for my success seeing that we were both in our final year. They said that I should be jailed for taking away their only daughter from them. I tried to explain to them what happened but that only made matters worse. They said they'd never accept Owam, we chose that name as soon as we found out the gender, as their granddaughter. That they wanted nothing that would tie them to me and remind them of their daughter. I begged them to allow us to say our final goodbye to her but instead they asked the hospital security to throw me out with my 'bastard child' and threatened to have the police lock me up should they ever see me or uOwam ever again." At this point I've joined my brother in his sorrow as he narrates his tragedy. My mom on the other side has the baby clutched against her chest with her eyes closed as she listens to her son narrate his calamity. He wipes his tears with the hem of his t-shirt and continues to narrate what happened, "I left the hospital with my baby who was wrapped in a beautiful blanket that her mother had bought her a few weeks before her passing. The days that followed her passing were the most difficult. I had to not only get accustomed to parenting but to parenting alone. Owam used to wail throughout the night, and I hardly got any sleep. My flat mates tried to assist as much as they could, by looking after her when I had to go to work, asking for advice from their siblings or family members who have children on what to do etc. I was lucky that it was school holidays, as that gave me time to adjust to the new routine. When the third term started it was difficult juggling uOwam, school and work. As a result I ended up quitting my job so I can focus on uOwam and my school work. The money we have saved up started drying up quickly due to the doctor's visits and medication and I knew I wouldn't be able to take care of both our needs hence I decided to come home with her and face the music. I've therefore decided that it's best that I deregister from Wits and look for a job so that I can take care of uOwam and -" I gasp. "No Inga! You can't do that!" I yell out. "I don't have a choice sis'Zamo. Wami has needs, expensive needs. I know how strained you are already with Anga and I's fees, and I can't add Wami to your list of responsibilities as well. I can always go back and finish the last term next year." (Sister) I shake my head in disagreement, "No Inga, no! There has to be another way." He can't do that; he's almost finished with his degree. "Have you already deregistered at Wits?" I ask him, petrified of the response. He shakes his head no, "I was going to do that next week when varsity opens." Oh Somandla. (God) I release a sigh in relief, "Oh thank God." After being quiet the entire time that Inga narrated his story, my mother finally speaks, "You will do no such thing! You will leave my grandbaby here with me, and I'll look after her myself. You'll go back and complete the rest of your term -" but Inga interrupts her, "Mama -" She simply wags her hand at him, shutting him up immediately, "Inga, I've spoken, and my word is final. It's unfortunate that you hid this from us and I'm deeply disappointed and hurt by your actions, but I will not allow you to make the biggest mistake of your life. If your girlfriend's family thinks that by cursing and disassociating themselves from you and Owam that you will fall and fail, they have another thing coming. Abandazi kakuhle mna. uTat'enu zange atshate is'thothotho somfazi. If I was able to raise all five of you with one salary, andizukohlulwa kukukhulisa umzukulwana wam." (They don't know me well. Your father didn't marry a weakling of a woman. I won't be defeated by raising my granddaughter) Haike ithethile icheri kaMakho bethunana. (Oh well, my father's girlfriend has spoken good people) After saying that, she stands up and picks up Wami's backpack and walks out with her sleeping against her chest. Yho unedrama uMaDlamini! (Wow, mom is dramatic) I clap my hands once and look at my brother sitting beside me. He chuckles and shakes his head with a faint smile on his face. Though I'm relieved to see him smile, I know he's hurting more than he's letting on.