Holding On

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

He runs around the room trying to find clothes to wear and I can see that he's in no condition to drive. His hands are trembling and he's tripping all over these candles. I honestly don't trust him to be able to drive himself to the hospital safely. I can see that his mind is already overthinking especially because he doesn't know what condition he'll find his sister in.

"I'm coming with you," I say, as I get up from the bed blowing out the candles.

"There's no need love, I'll be -"

"Siya! Ndithe, I'm coming with you. You're in no state to drive right now." (I said)

He releases a deep sigh and carries on with getting dressed while I strip out of this lingerie that I'm in as it all of a sudden feels uncomfortable. I see him gawk at me when I move around our bedroom, butterball naked but I give him no mind. I peruse through his wardrobe looking for something to wear and I take one of his slacks and hoodie and put them on; I'll wash these clothes tomorrow wethu, akho xesha lokukhangela ipanty ngoku. (Hey, there's no time to look for panties now). I put on a pair of his socks, slip on my slippers and make my way out of the bedroom. He walks behind me silently, clearly deep in thought as we make our way out of the house, locking the front door behind us. "Keys please," I say to him, with my hand stretched out in front of me and my palm open. He shouldn't think I have forgotten about what I'd said earlier, I will not allow him to drive himself to the hospital in this state. The last thing that his father needs is to have another one of his children unwell. He seems to be unsure about this, maybe because he's never allowed somebody else to drive his car or he's unsure of my driving but either way, he doesn't have a choice, ndizoyiqhuba lemoto! (I will drive this car) He places the car keys on the palm of my hand and opens the driver's door for me to get in. I say this again, Siya will remain a gentleman even in difficult situations. I thank him for his chivalry and settle in. He closes the door behind me and walks around the car to the passenger's side. He gets in the car and places his head on the head rest, closing his eyes and releases yet another sigh. He looks troubled and very exhausted. I can't even imagine what's going through his mind right now. I lean over to him and pull the seat belt and secure him in his seat. I can see he is in no mood to speak so I let him be. I punch the name of the hospital on the GPS and bring the engine to life. I drive out of the yard slowly, slowly because I haven't driven in a while and secondly, because I don't want to trash this man's car. I'm also not familiar with driving around this area so that is also contributing to my slow driving which can be seen as beneficial as I'm also buying this man of mine time to settle down and wrap his head around the situation that he's about to face. I can see, from the corner of my eye his fingertips drumming against his thigh, he's nervous, that's pretty evident. I can't even stretch out my hand and reach for his to console him like he did when I ran away from the hospital when Anga was admitted because, firstly, my arms are too short to reach him and secondly, I can't multitask when I'm driving. I can only do what's required of me, which is driving safely and focusing on the road. We reach the hospital in no time, and he surprises me when he starts speaking to me, directing me to the area where I should park the car. I find a parking bay just opposite the hospital entrance and kill the engine as soon as we're settled. The car is filled with silence, and I fear saying anything at this point because I don't know what I'd say that would possibly comfort this man therefore I hope that me being here is more than enough. He shifts in his seat and fixates his eyes on me. I squirm under his gaze and end up losing the battle and tear my eyes off him and look at the handbrake between us.

"I don't know if I can do this mkam," he says, in a whisper. (My wife)

"I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Please try and be strong for her."