Holding On

Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Lobola? (Dowry) That's what my mom said right? That this idiotic man of mine isn't here to do as we'd agreed upon but is doing something more, something we had not even discussed or agreed upon. I know he's been referring to me as 'mkam', but he's done so since we met and there was no way that I could have known that he was going to marry me this soon. My mom and aunts continue to stand by the door as they wait for me to respond to what they've just told me. I'm literally going to kill this idiot the moment I land my eyes on him. How could he? I know he loves me and so do I but to go about this kanje? (Like this) No man! My feet are literally boring holes on the floor as I pace up and down my bedroom. The heat I felt earlier when his uncles arrived is nothing compared to how I'm feeling right now. "Please unzip me," I say to my sister. I turn my back towards her so that she can lower the zip of this dress. I need to feel free. "Zamo wenzani ngoku?" aunt Ntombi asks. (What are you doing now) "I... I can't breathe aunty, I need to get out of this dress," I say to hear with tears leaking from my eyes. I'm literally ripping the dress off my body, with no care in the world of how I look like a lunatic at this moment. "Nono awukwazi ukuqhubeka unje. Kufuneka usixelele ukuba sizamkele na iindwendwe zakho okanye sizijike. Ufuna senze njani sana lwam?" my mom says as she walks to where I'm standing before enveloping me into a bear hug. (You can't carry on like this. You need to tell us whether we should welcome your guests or turn them back. What do you want us to do my baby) I just start wailing. Yintoni le indenza yona le ndoda nkos'yam? (What is this man doing to me, my lord) My mom brushes my back while trying to calm me down, "Nono akwenziwa kanje kaloku. You're going to upset the babies." (This is not how it's done) I know she's right; I need to calm down. I've been doing such a great job at managing my stress levels and my babies have been growing so well, but what Siya is doing to me right now is so upsetting. He's making me decide what my love for him means. If I turn his family back, he'll interpret that as though I don't love him, or that I don't want to marry him, of which neither is true but at the same time, I don't like nor appreciate being cornered into doing something that I'm not ready for, especially something this big. I know he's a big advocate of doing things that benefit me, and to the greatest of extents, all he's ever done has always been for my benefit. But this, this is taking it a bit too far.

My mom pulls me to the bed and asks the ladies to excuse us. I sit on top of the bed with nothing on but a bra and thong, and mucus trailing down my nose. The ladies excuse us and leave me with a concerned Zandile. "Baby, I understand that you may be scared right now because this is not what you'd anticipated but baby this man loves you. I understand that he may not have gone about it the right way by communicating this with you before but baby this is a clear depiction of his love for you and there's nothing more beautiful than a man who wants to rightfully make you his wife. Look, mna ndiyakwazi, unentloko eqinileyo and even if he'd spoken to you about this, you would've still found excuses to reject his proposal. Now I'm not saying accept his proposal if you're not ready to do so but speak to him, hear what he has to say then make your decision, okay?" (I know you, you're very stubborn) I nod my head. "Good. Ndizohamba kengoku ndiyothetha nomalume bakho ndibacele ukuba bakunike umzuzu while you speak to him, okay?" (I'm going to leave you now and talk to your uncles and ask them to give you a minute)

"Okay. Enkosi ma," I thank her, throwing my arms around her. (Thank you)

"It's my pleasure sthandwa sam. And Nomzamo?" (My love)

"Ma?"

"Speak to him, ungashoutisi, ndiyakwazi." (Don't shout, I know you)

"I will," I mumble.

She gets up from my bed and passes me my phone that's on the floor with the dress that I was wearing before she walks out. I suck in my breath before dialling his numbers. I really hope I'll be able to keep my cool. It rings once before he picks up,