True Acceptance- A True Beauty Fanfic

Chapter 15: Changing.

I totally based Seojun's rant about not being included in society on my own emotions lol.

SUJIN POV

Four days had passed, and the end of February had come, she had one week until her orientation day at school, her therapy quests were not going well, and she was nearly ready to shave her head, get a tattoo and move far away.

She managed to meet with two different therapists on Wednesday, but both were entirely the opposite of what she needed. One specialized in EMDR therapy, which she's sure worked for some people, but she wasn't able to 'zone out' enough to actually relive her trauma while simultaneously letting someone direct her eye movements.

The second one was a man who looked and spoke similar to her father, and just being in the same room as him made her skin crawl.

So she refined her list of wants. She'd prefer a woman over a man, didn't want EMDR, somatic or just talk therapy would be a hell of a lot better, and she was hoping they wouldn't be outrageously expensive. After all, she had a college tuition to pay.

She even called her school to see if they offered counseling classes or therapy sessions for their students. They didn't.

She was starting to lose hope until she got a call back Thursday evening around three.

"Hi! Is this Sujin?" A woman's kind voice chirped into the phone. It made Sujin smile.

"Yes, this is."

"I'm the receptionist for Dr. Ling, we received your voice message about a therapist. Dr. Ling is accepting a few patients, and she specializes mostly in child abuse, anxiety and panic disorders."

"Oh really?" She couldn't hide the excitement in her voice, "Does she do talk therapy?" Talking sucked, but she had to get better at it at some point.

"She does Talk therapy, somatic and music therapy."

"When is she open for another appointment?"

"We did have a cancellation today, she's free from four to five if you are."

Yes. Yes. Thank God, thank the Saints, thank the universe. Finally something was going right for her. For once.

"I can come in."

So she's up and at it, changing into a better sweater and jeans. She's definitely exhausted from talking to the two previous therapists, and she's anxious that this won't work. If this didn't work out, if things went wrong with it, would she write off all therapists? Would she keep trying? It sounded exhausting just to get help.

She caught the bus and checked her savings account. She had enough for the next month of rent, one payment on her tuition and maybe two therapy visits for the month. Gosh, this adulting thing sucked. Paying for everything and trying to balance it out was nearly impossible.

Thankfully she had enough leftovers from Ms. Han to last her two weeks to eat, so that cut back some bills.

The conversation with Dr. Ling was definitely choppy, a bit uncomfortable. She hated that after every statement she was asked how she felt, and she definitely snapped once.

"I know this is supposed to help me, but how do you think I feel? It's lonely and isolating because I want to have friends, I want support, but I physically cannot accept it."

"And why can't you?" Dr. Ling asked.

"I don't... I don't know, I'm screwed up."

"No." She answered calmly. "You're in survival mode, you're still treading water from the last trauma."