True Acceptance- A True Beauty Fanfic

Chapter 16: Falling into Place.

This chapter is 26 pages in Google docs so it's quite long! It has a lot jam packed into it so I really hope you guys enjoy!!! 

SEOJUN POV

He unplugged his headphones from his phone and shoved them in his pocket. Sujin was already softly snoring and most likely drooling. She would have a killer headache tomorrow, but that would teach her not to drink an insane amount in one sitting.

His mind drifts back to Jugyeong, how when she was drunk- he would've kissed her. He really would have. And it makes him sick to think he would've taken advantage of her just to have something to hold over Suho.

"I kissed your girlfriend and she liked it." What a petty thing to want to say, to want to use against someone.

Knowing he still contained that sickening toxic part of him made Seojun feel vile. He felt as if he owed Jugyeong an apology, even though they didn't really kiss and he did push her back. It didn't matter that it didn't happen. He wanted it to happen and deep down, would've let her kiss him or anything she wanted to do.

He didn't respect Jugyeong as her own person, but more as an object he could steal.

Damn it was annoying having a conscience now. Since when would this ever bother him?

But listening to Sujin's breaths and sleepy mumbles, he can't help but hate himself. If anyone used her like that, all to make someone jealous, he would kill them.

But was it bad that Sujin was the reason he respected girls now? He should respect them for who they were, not because he now had a woman in his life.

He spent nearly the whole night thinking over this, thinking about his faults. He needed to change, he needed to be better. He had to. He would never respect himself or earn Sujin's love any other way.

The moment he attempts to shut his eyes and sleep, he hears a whimper.

It's coming from Sujin. He can hear her rolling over on the couch and wincing, letting out words he couldn't understand, and whining.

He sat and listened for several minutes, focusing on her breathing. Her breaths were ragged and shallow, and far apart. Every few seconds she would inhale, exhale shakily and whimper again.

"Sujin." He pushes up against the mattress and sits in the darkness, not bothering to flick on a light.

"Sujin." She doesn't respond, so he just says her name over and over until she begins to stir.

"Mphhhhh." She groans and coughs, "what?"

Seojun relaxes against the end of the couch and turns his head towards her. "You were having a nightmare."

"So?" She slurs.

"So, your whimpering is keeping me awake." Seojun sneered. "Are you still drunk?"

"Not drunk." She denies, "But not completely sober."

He shifts the way he's sitting so Sujin is behind him on the couch, but slightly to his right. "You were stupid to drink so much."

"Your members wanted us to have fun. It was nice."

Seojun silently wonders if he will ever get to see that side of Sujin for himself. Was it such a bad thing to want to make her smile?

"Sorry if I woke you." She mutters for a second.

"I wasn't asleep." He wasn't ready to fall into the dreamworld where he could see again, only to have it stripped away.

For the first several minutes of waking up, Seojun was blissfully ignorant. He assumed he could see, he'd rub his eyes in frustration, and then the reality would set in. Most days he only felt down for a few minutes and then he'd shake it off and focus on something else for the day.