True Acceptance- A True Beauty Fanfic

Chapter 33: Weekly-

SEOJUN POV

After two days he had finally gotten the hospital scent eradicated. It took multiple showers, half a can of cologne, yet another shower, and washing his clothes twice, but Seojun now smelled like himself again. The scent of antiseptic had left his nose where it had once been embedded. He could breathe again.

The first few days after his hospital stay were unbearable, with Minjae, Heejung and Jeongin watching his every move. They never mentioned the interview, the hospital or the panic attack, as if saying anything about it was like someone in Hogwarts saying Voldemort's name.

Minjae, Heejung and Jeongin had come back from a late night practice. Seojun was given the week off of work, allowed to rest before he was given idol duties once more.

Minjae went to shower, and Heejung walked straight to his room and collapsed into his bed. Jeongin however, splayed out on the living room floor since the wood was cold and welcome against his hot, sweaty skin.

"I've been thinking." Jeongin says.

Seojun rolls his eyes. "That's a first."

Jeongin sat up and grabbed a pillow, chucking it at Seojun's head. Thankfully he's a crap shot, and it lands on the couch next to Seojun. Someone has worse eyesight than Seojun after all.

"I thought when you got older... Things became less scary."

"Where'd you get that idea?" Seojun turns the TV off and diverts his attention back to Jeongin.

"Most adults seem like they have it all together, you know?"

"I can confirm that most adults are full of shit."

"Growing up they always told me I would understand things when I was older. That things would make sense, that I'd be less scared and emotional. For a while the only comfort I had was that when I got older, I wouldn't be afraid."

Seojun gripped the cushions tighter and tighter, Jeongin would never blame him for a thing, but it was clear that Seojun's breakdown had scared Jeongin. Not only for his hyung, but for his own future. Because Seojun was proof that you could be an adult and still be terrified, still not have it together.

"I thought that too at one point." Seojun hums, "My mom never let me see her scared. I thought once you become an adult, you're unshakable."

"Are all adults as scared as I feel?" Jeongin whispered.

"What are you scared of?"

"Not being enough, letting people down, not achieving everything I want... Getting hurt, losing."

"Well, most of that will happen." Seojun nodded, "You'll never be enough for society, no one is. You'll always be letting someone down, and you may not achieve everything. No one knows the future, so planning it out in detail is futile."

He knew that for a fact.

"How do I be happy then? If I know that everything is just a means to an end?"

"Nothing is meant to last forever, Jeongin-ssi. That's what makes it beautiful."

"I miss performing. I know it's only been three weeks but I miss the fans, seeing them happy, hearing their screams of joy. I miss it a lot."

Seojun smiles, slides down into the floor and reaches out, bumping into Jeongin's leg. "You were born for the stage."

"I feel loved when I'm there. Appreciated."

Seojun opened his mouth to reply but Minjae's voice flooded the room, "Jeonginssi- the bathroom is yours now."

When Seojun discovered he had yet another interview to go to, he refused outright. He even argued with the manager over it. But they came to an agreement that this show was known for being harmless, funny, and allowed the entire band to be on.