True Acceptance- A True Beauty Fanfic

Chapter 18: Embrace

SEOJUN POV

Sujin stepped in the shower shortly after their talk, and Seojun sat on the couch, his brain spinning as it tried to process everything that had happened in the last hour. When Sujin admitted something had happened to her, his body went numb and cold. He was broken. He wasn't angry or upset. He was filled to the brim with pain for her. Hearing the way her voice shook and how she sniffled, hearing the pain in her voice; it hurt him worse than anything else.

He was so tired of hearing his loved ones cry, of hearing them hurt. He was exhausted with it all. He was tired of his members getting chewed out by the manager. He was tired of hearing Minjae deny food even though he hasn't eaten a proper meal in over eight days.

So many things made sense about Sujin now. Her hesitancy to jump into relationships, to date. Why she was so fixated on the only guy who was good to her, why she didn't like to be extremely touchy at first.

Though now... She's been more touchy in the last day than she has been in a month. Seojun can't tell if it's her way of distracting herself from the pain, or if she genuinely wants it.

And he wants it too. His therapist has been challenging him to realize he's worthy of being loved, being touched and being happy. It wasn't easy, and he still kind of wanted to punch himself in the face for thinking he was worthy of Sujin.

But he wanted it, he wanted her hands to go all over his body, he wanted to know she was his and he was hers. He wanted to feel safe in her arms and know that this wasn't a game, but something real.

He wanted to know he was still desirable in someone's eyes, even on the days when he felt completely and utterly useless.

The shower stops running and he can make out the sound of Sujin humming as she dries herself off and changes into those soft silk pajamas again.

He'd made an order on his phone for chicken and pizza, and it should be arriving soon. After hearing Sujin relive everything she had been through, he felt like she deserved a night where she had to do nothing at all.

"Okay." She walked out into the living room and fell down on the couch, smelling strongly of roses and soap.

"What soap do you use?" Seojun thinks out loud, obsessed with her smell, everything about her was just perfect. It was soft but enough to catch his attention every time she passed by him.

"Hm?" Sujin chuckled and threw her legs into his lap. "Oats and Rose."

"I like it on you." Seojun places a hand on her shin and rubs circles into the smooth skin. "I can always tell when you're near because of it."

Sujin lets out a small chuckle but doesn't say anything, burying herself into the cushions of the couch. It was late, Seojun's phone said it was around nine pm. She was probably exhausted after the week she's had, and he was too.

His thighs and his left knee ached something fierce, they'd been practicing dances but also working out in between, trying to tone up their bodies to look great for debut.

Their muscles were all shot, Seojun's included, and all he wanted was to be held and be able to sleep for a night.

No matter what he wanted, he couldn't let himself get too close to Sujin now. He couldn't have her thinking he was using her like the other man did, he couldn't let her think he was emotionally weak and relying on her for strength. And... If she did reciprocate, how could he be sure she wasn't just trying to distract herself again?

So they ate, they ate in comfortable silence with their shoulders brushing each other.

Saturday afternoon his phone buzzed with a text from Suho.