50 Days Of Grey (#Wattys2015)

{ f i v e } : push me, for all I care

v: Perpetual

❝something that will last or infinite❞

Day [2.25] 

I thought about you as I walked home again but what was new? I always thought of you. You were always the type to try to make me smile when I wasn't in the mood and I was stupid enough to take that for granted while I had it. Once I got home, everyone had just gotten up yawning and stretching and walking down the stairs. Aunt Lisa was cooking breakfast in the kitchen, you nowhere in sight. Sammy and Tanner came down the stairs, their arms wrapped around each other yawning to the point of sleep. I closed my eyes and moved on into the kitchen where I rested the food I took out for them.

"Aunt Lisa, I bought cocoa and some bread for you guys." I said.

She turned around smiling, "Thank you, sweetie just leave it there." She said.

Sammy took a seat next to me patting my head giving me a quick hug while Tanner messed up my hair sitting beside her. Everyone took a seat and munched on the food, everyone busy with something. Tanner was playing and teasing Sammy, Aunt Lisa cooking the rest of the food, and Uncle Scott reading the paper. It seemed like a normal family breakfast for them... Until you came.

"Yum." You moaned catching sight of the food.

I closed my eyes and gripped the piece of bread to keep myself from shivering at the sound of your voice in the morning.

You sat next to me, not even noticing who you were sitting next to munching on the bacon in front of you.

I finished the rest of my food successfully without being noticed until, the cocoa. You took a sip of the cocoa when you pulled it away from your lips and smelling it.

"Wait, is this the triple Hershey, double sugar, cocoa?" You asked your mom.

She shrugged, your face was deep in thought, "Only one person..." You trailed.

You turned to look at me, your gaze sweeping over my face. Your soft gaze quick turning into a glare. Your chair scraped loudly against the wooden floor, moving farthest away from me as possible. I continued to munch my food disturbed but un-disturbed by your 'fiasco'. I leaned back sipping my cocoa and staring at it's contents. Triple Hershey, double sugar, cocoa was your favorite. I had let you taste it before and after that you drank it everyday.

Your mom coughed, "Uhm, Greyson will you bring Beth's medicine up?" She asked you.

I perked up, "Can I, Aunt Lisa?" I asked.

She looked at me sadly, "Uhm, I don't really think she wants to see you right now." Your mother said guiltily.

My throat tightened, "Uh, yeah... I guess your right," I said, "Oh but who's jacket is this? I borrowed it when I bought the food, I forgot mine." I said sheepishly.

You turned to look at the piece of leather clothing I was holding up. You grunted in disgust, "Keep it. I don't want it anymore." You said getting of your high stool and walking off with the tray of medicine and water up the stairs.

I looked down at the jacket, "I'm sorry about his attitude towards yo-" Aunt Lisa started.

I sighed cutting her off, "No, no I understand him," I said, "It's okay." I assured her.

She stared at me sympathetically, "Can I call home?" I asked.

She nodded towards the phone in the hallway. I faked a smile and continued on to the hallway. I dialed the number, it rang about three times before she picked up.

"Hello?" Kate's voice ran through the receiver.

"Hey, Kate. Uhm, how are you guys there?" I asked.

"Were fine here. I should be asking you that how have you been?"

"Fine..."

"Don't you dare lie to me, Julianne. What happened to you there?"

"Nothing, nothing. Nothing wrong happened here. It's, uh, jet lag."

She sighed, "Whatever you say, honey. Ingrid, she wants to talk to you." She said.

I smiled sadly, "Yeah? Can I talk to her please?" I asked.

"Julianne!" The voice exclaimed from across the line.

Warmth spread over me at the sound of her voice and I almost fell to the ground by her voice.

I sat down crossed legged on the floor my hand gripping the phone for dear life, "S-Sweetie... How are you doing?" I asked my eyes filling with tears.

"I'm fine, Juli. I met a friend yesterday," She said a sob escaped my lip.

"Yeah? Can I meet this friend?" I asked.

I heard her bit her lip, "Yeah of course you'll meet him." She said.

Another sob escaped my lips, "I'm so happy for you..." I trailed.

"He's really kind and sweet and caring, Juli. Just like you. He protected me yesterday." Ingrid declared proudly across the line.

I covered my lips to stop the sob, "Really? W-Wow, that's really great!" I said.

"Oh, Juli... I found some pictures under your bed while we were cleaning your room." She said.

"H-Huh? What pictures?" I said knowing exactly which pictures they were.

"It's pictures with you and this guy..." She said, "He's cute, I like him already. Are you going out?" She asked.

I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a shaky breath, "Ingrid..." Kate warned from across the line.

"What? He was cute." She said.

"Oh, and I found your typewriter, Juli. It was under your bed, I thought you lost it?" She asked.

"Oh, I didn't see it. Just put it back please." I said.

"Okay." She perked.

"Daddy, come talk to Juli!" She called.

I sighed hearing footsteps shuffling to the phone, "Hey Dad." I greeted.

"Julianne... Why did I receive a text at five in the morning from your mom telling me to stop playing games and send you home?" He asked.

"What happened to you there?" He asked.

"Nothing, Dad. I'm staying." I said.

"So stubborn, just like her mother." He grunted.

I hung the phone afterwards walking up the stairs and noticing another set of hidden stairs. I walked up seeing an unfinished rooftop the side of it sagging from lack of bricks. I looked out the overcast sky wrapping the jacket tighter around me the smell of him intoxicating.

"Why won't you leave?" His voice startled me as I almost slipped from the end.

"You scared me..." I panted.

"Why won't you leave?" He asked again.

"I won't leave." I said.

He let out a frustrated groan, "Why can't you just tell me?" He asked, annoyed.

"You won't get it out of me even if you try to kill me... Which I hope you won't do." I said.

"I want one thing from you, Julianne. I want you to please just leave, your only causing your mother pain." He said.

"I'm causing her pain?" I chuckled bitterly.

"What do I have to do for you to leave? Push you off the building?" He asked frustrated.

"Push me, for all I care. It will finally end my pain."

❝It's not about fighting sadness perpetually to remain happy. It's about embracing sadness and being happy in the sadness.❞