xiii : impenitent
❝not penitent.❞
[Day 9]
I woke up early the next morning, I had slept throughout the day before then too tired to think, too tired to move. Ingrid had told Dad to tell me to call her yesterday, and I wondered if she still woke up at four in the morning, even without me.
I creeped down the stairs, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear, shivering at the cool temperature the house was in. I brought the heat up before walking towards the phone, dialing the numbers I needed and sitting on the couch, cross legged, as I waited for the ringing to end.
She picked up on the fifth ring.
"Julliane!" Ingrid half-whispered/half-yelled into the receiver.
I smiled, "Hey, sweetheart, dad and Karen awake yet?" I asked her, softly as if anyone was eavesdropping into our conversation.
She giggled, "No. Are you kidding? At this hour?" She asked.
I giggled with her, "Yeah, I guess your right... How was school?" I asked absentmindedly fiddling with the hem of my sweater.
"Oh! Wonderful, Juli! Henry and I went to the park with Kate yesterday... And I..." She trailed, and I don't know if it was sister instinct but I imagined her blushing whilst holding the receiver to her ear, fiddling, also, with the hem of her shirt.
"And you?" I asked smiling.
"I met his mom." She spilled laughing.
I closed my eyes, my back against the couch my head falling backward, savoring the sound of her melodious laugh.
"Really? How is she?" I asked.
"Oh, she's so sweet! She took us out for ice-cream with Kate!" She said enthusiastically.
"Oh really? You went to ice-cream without me? What happened to... "I will never eat another bite of ice-cream till you come back, Juliii?"," I teased, "What happened to that, hmm?" I finished biting my lip to stop from laughing.
"Well... Uhm, well.." She nervously trailed.
I laughed, "It's okay, I knew you wouldn't keep that promise after you mentioned ice-cream, anyway... But remember, the next time we see each other, you owe me an ice-cream!" I replied smiling.
"When are you coming back, Juli?" She asked.
I felt a whole boulder lodge into my throat, "Uh... I'm not sure yet, sweetie. Mom's not feeling that well yet... But I'll be back, before you know it we'll be eating ice-cream and watching spongebob marathons until our eyes buldge out." I said laughing nervously.
"Juli?" She called from across the line.
"Yeah?" I felt weak again, not again.
"Is Mom... Is Mom, okay?" She asks and my heart stops.
"Y-Yeah... She's fine, sweetheart... Just fine." I reassured, not sure to whom.
"Juli?" She called again.
"Hmmm?" I asked.
"Did what happened to... Kelly.. Happen to her?" Ingrid asked, and I gripped the hem of my sweater, tearsstreaming down my face.
"No... No, sweetheart, no... Mom. Mom is alive, sweetie, very much." I wasn't so sure about it, but she has to... She has to stay alive.
"Okay, Juli, I knew Henry was right... He said that too..." She said.
"What did he say, sweetie?" I asked.
"He told me I shouldn't think that way.. Because she was alive, very much alive." She said and I wanted to have her in my arms again.
I covered my mouth forcing the sob to go back in, "Yes, sweetie..."
"Hon, I have to go... I'm feeling really tired, you do know it's four." I told her, though I was far from closing my eyes.
"Okay, Juli... Bye..." She said.
"And Juli?" She called after a second.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"I love you." She told me.
"I love you, too, sweetheart. With all my heart." I answered, and she hung up.
~*~
Hours later, ironicaly, I find myself in an ice-cream parlor, scooping up some double fudge ice cream beside a smiling Samantha.
I followed her gaze to you and Tanner standing a few meters away figuring out away to work the old juke box.
"You really love him don't you?" I ask her.
She took a bite of her own strawberry ice-cream, "That's why were getting married, right?" She told me and we both laughed.
We both stared at the two arguing about different parts of the old machine and I wondered why you weren't that indifferent anymore, why you were treating me like a stranger instead of an enemy... It helped.
Half an hour later, you got the juke box running and Tanner asked Samantha for a dance and you sat in front of me eating your ice cream, and that was enough for me in that empty - except for us, and the bored waitress - ice cream parlor, with nothing but small and short ice cream conversations to come.
{ the beginning of the end }
"Ice-cream?" You asked.
I smiled, "Sure." I replied curling up on the sofa.
"Movie?" You asked.
I shook my head, "Music."
You grinned switching your iPod on shuffle and placing it on the dock, "Be back in five." You said lastly, leaving for the ice cream.
The rest of the night went by with nothing but the casual but meaningful ice cream conversations we have, with our least favorite ice cream courtesy of Alexa.
❝sadness isn't always there. you are a fool, man, for thinking that it is always present. it is only present at the moment of pain and after when you remember. remembering is the key to pain, young man, but ignorance is bliss.❞
YOU ARE READING
50 Days Of Grey (#Wattys2015)
FanficThere are instances in your life when loving someone greatly isn't enough. When letting go becomes a must not because that particular someone isn't good for you but because you aren't good for him. Julianne feels utterly and completely conflicted. I...
