50 Days Of Grey (#Wattys2015)

{ t w e n t y - e i g h t } : Let Me

xxvii : determined
❝convinced to keep doing something or accomplish something 'till the very end.❞

[Day 35]

Monica and I have been keeping close tabs since the talk. She's thought of idea after idea to stop me from leaving, but none so far, have been close to logical.

Mom seems to be getting weaker every day, I've started realizing how unstable life is... Again. I don't want to be a pathetic character in a pathetic love story, one who complains about everything instead of doing something... But what can you do? What can you do?

I wish... There was someway I could escape. Some way to find peace. I sighed continuing to pack my bags, I have to think of something... If I was going to do anything to stop any of this it has to be soon. We we're going on that trip. Two weeks in a far away island maybe that we'll keep me sane until I find the great idea that will save me. I have to figue out a way to save 'us' and you. I just have to try, no matter how impossible it might seem. It can't be like last time... I think I might've given up to fast... I should've done something, maybe if we did... We would still be something.

I plopped myself on the bed, tomorrow would be the day we get out of here, somehow the idea left me uneasy.

I heard a knock at the door, "Yeah?" I called.

The door open and your head popped in.

"You all packed?" You asked, coming in and leaning against the door frame.

"Yeah, all packed."

You walked towards me and sat next to me and took my hand, "You look really tired, Julianne... Is there something wrong?"

I sighed, "It's just- It's a lot of things."

I felt you sigh and when I peeked at you through my hair you had a small melancholic smile on your face, "Tell me... I'm here to listen, Jules."

You faced me and I turned to look into your eyes, your hand was still wrapped around mine.

Your eyes mirrored a sad expression, they looked glassy to me, like you we're holding back tears and memories and regrets and just... Pain. 

"I'm listening, Julie... God knows that might've been the reason you left me... I was never there to listen to you that much. It was always me. Always me blabbering. I'm sorry. I should've taken more time to ask you about how you we're or how you're day went.. I knew you, you knew me... But it was always me... Wasn't it? Always me talking."

"You fascinated me, Greyson. Hearing you talk, hearing you speak... Hearing just.. You. Fascinated me. It wasn't anything you did or lacked. It was all me. Leaving you was and is all on me."

You sighed and looked away again, but your hand was still there. Warm, welcoming, and just you.

"It's mom. It's Ingrid. It's everything... And it's all piling up. I don't know how to handle anything anymore. It's like any moment now. My heart will pop, explode from all emotion, from everything. I don't think I can go on anymore..." By the end my voice was cracking, and I held my fist to my mouth to muffle sobs. You let go of my hand and you wrapped your arms around me.

"It's okay. I'm here now. I'm listening. Just let it all out. You don't always have to be okay... You're not expected to always handle it.. You're not obligated to not stop and breath. Let me this time. Let me carry you through, push you through, hold your hand through and through. Let me be the person who helps you get further." 

I closed my eyes. I'm caving. I'm tired. I'll worry about all this tomorrow.. I'm letting him this time. Because there are some moments in your life when you need someone to push you through to remind you why you have to move forward. It's always been him for me. I lost him once. I don't think I want to lose him again. I have to find a way... Soon. There has to be a way. But I'll do that tomorrow. Today... Tonight. I'll let him push me through.

(A/N) short but sweet? Opinions guys? :)