I'll Run to You // Awsten Knight

Chapter 39-Entertainment

December 24th, 2017

3:38 p.m.

Awsten's energy for the whole day was eccentric. He said he had special news for everyone around dinner. It took him his best not to tell anyone beside Geoff and Otto. 

No matter how much Hope had begged him to tell her, he kept his mouth shut. His eyes lit up as soon as she brought up the topic, it was almost hell for him to keep it a secret until that night.

As usual for every Christmas Eve though, Travis was over and Jawn would usually stop by for a couple of hours, since he only stayed with his parents for the week just ten minutes away from his own house.

The third thing he was most excited about was to give Hope what he had got her a few days before she arrived. It wasn't anything huge, but he trusted that she would appreciate it, or at least he hoped. Awsten didn't go out to a million stores to buy her a ring or a necklace, but he made something for her. Of course though, he always had his second thoughts. Thinking that she was always used to getting expensive things as gifts and his wasn't anything extravagant or fancy. Perhaps he should  quickly sneak his way out and buy something, but his pride took over him at the last second and he knew he shouldn't leave.

The overall energy of the house was positive at the least, and Awsten thanked that it had been for the whole day. Nothing could ruin it.

Awsten walked over to Hope, who was standing in the kitchen, seeming to be scrolling on her phone. "I need to go over to Jawn and his parents' house to help them with dinner."

She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and sighed, wishing he would just stay one day with her, "Can't that wait? It's not even four yet and I don't think anyone would be eating that early on Christmas Eve."

He put his own arms around her waist. "Jawn has a lot of family coming over, and I mean a lot. So he and his parents need some help," Awsten explained calmly. "I'm only going to be an hour or two, then I'll be all yours for the rest of the day."

Hope started lightly toying with his fading purple hair, getting distracted by his looks, which never failed to happen. 

When she came back to focus and replayed what he had said, she spoke again, "Okay, that's fine, but you have to promise me, alright?"

Awsten kissed her gently and pulled away, "Yes, I promise. I will do whatever you want all day."

His drive to Jawn's house wasn't much to talk about, the occasional families still Christmas shopping, traffic everywhere you looked, and yet no snow with the typical Texas weather making it almost impossible for that to happen.

As Awsten walked through the door, he noticed that it was silent. Was nobody in the house? Or perhaps it was the wrong one? But the door was unlocked.

"Awsten?" He heard Jawn call from upstairs.

He let out a sigh of relief, knowing that at least someone was there for him. As he took a moment for his questions to simmer down he said a quick, "Yeah it's me."

Once his words were out, there was a loud thud of something hitting the floor, but Jawn said nothing about it. It caused Awsten to start up the dark wood stairs, but his friend managed a "Don't come upstairs, I've got it under control," sounding like he was struggling to pick something up. "Fuck."

Out of boredom, Awsten started tapping his feet on the floor to a rhythm he'd never heard before. Sounding like a mix between an Ellie Goulding and Green Day song, two artists not always seemed to be paired together.

Jawn started to walk to Awsten, apologizing for the small inconvenience he caused upstairs.

As the two of them made their way to the kitchen, Awsten looked around at all of the decorations his family put up, wreaths on every door, candles on every table, and at least one Christmas sign on every wall.

When the two got everything set, Jawn immediately sparked up a conversation, "So, how's everything with you and Hope?"

Awsten paused for a second, unsure of what to say. Should he tell him the truth? Or was it worth it enough to just lie his way out of it? After all, Travis did have a point, he needed to be honest with every detail. "Jawn," he started. "If I'm being completely honest, then no. But if I'm lying, then yes." He said it so nonchalant that it even concerned Jawn, that wasn't usually his type of sarcastic humor.

"Then what's going on between you two? Did something happen?"

Awsten's face turned to a different kind of twisted, he wasn't mad at Jawn, but at himself. "What's happening is that I'm not doing enough, I'm not helping enough, I'm not being enough for her. And sure it may look like we're happy but I am not fucking okay with what I'm doing behind her back and she doesn't deserve it."

Jawn's eyebrows raised, he was so surprised at how quickly his friend had snapped. "What are you doing behind her back?"

"I'm not cheating or anything, but I can't figure out a way to stop wearing that shitty ring Ciara gave me just a couple months ago...I can't believe I wanted to marry her." By his last words, Awsten's face was a dark red and he stared blankly at the floor.

What did he just say? He wanted to marry her? Sure it was true, but he shouldn't have said anything like that, nor did he think to tell Travis who was the one who had prompted him to talk about it with someone he trusted. It happened so fast for Awsten that he almost gave himself whiplash.

Jawn walked over to him so that they were just a couple feet apart, giving Awsten a subtle sympathetic look. "Did you mean all that you just said to me?"

Awsten hesitated, then gave him a nod in response. 

After adjusting his turtle neck collar, Awsten rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "I don't want to, trust me. But I do in some sort of gross fucking way. I really shouldn't be, I have a girlfriend and I couldn't do this to her." He looked up at Jawn.

Like I'd know what to say to this, he thought. "Okay, I know you shouldn't be, and it wouldn't be fair to Hope with you feeling like this, bu-"

Awsten cut him off, "You don't think I'm being fair to her? Are relationships all about fairness now to you? Is our friendship just completely made up off of the fact that you think it wouldn't be fair to leave me even though you really want to?"

Jawn took a step back away from Awsten after his tone started to grow into confusion and fury. "Look man, you're overthinking this. You just need to take a breath and calm down because that is not what I'm saying."

His words cut Awsten almost like a knife, perhaps he was overthinking, but Jawn wasn't giving him any answers to his questions. "Y-you know what? Let's just move on to another subject. I don't want to do this on a goddamn Christmas Eve. I was happy this morning and all I get right now is fear that my best friend hates me and possible tears."

"Okay," Jawn agreed. "So um, are you still going to that party tonight? I need somebody to go with."