Miss Fantasy

Chapter 21: We Can't Stay Here Forever

May 22, 2013, San Jose, CA

"We just want you to know that there's no where in the world where we feel better than here," Stevie spoke into the microphone while smiling out to the audience, the feeling of Lindsey lingering behind her in the spotlight, "And we'll both probably end up moving back here at some point because we just miss it so much. Anyway, so this is for all of you. It's called Landslide."

The crowd erupted in roaring cheers before they started performing Landslide. Lindsey smiled to himself as he strummed the chords he knew so well that he could play blindfolded by now. Her speech to the audience had been a surprise to him, her confession more meaningful as only he knew the truth behind her words.

They spent last night making love, cuddling, and sharing secrets all night long after arriving back at the hotel from their evening in the park. It had been perfect, there was no other word for it, and he still felt a radiating high being here tonight with her. As she looked across the stage at him with a tiny smile, her eyes boring through his, he thought back to their whispered conversation in the early hours of the morning and what exactly it meant.

~~~~Flashback to 4 AM~~~~

"Are you still awake?" Her voice whispered, her breath tickling his chest as she nestled further against him.

"Yes," he whispered back.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You. Us."

"And?"

"How I wish it had always been like this. I'm wondering how we managed to screw things up so badly. Even though I know the answer to that."

She sighed, her fingers trailing through the curls of his chest hair, "There's no use torturing ourselves over the past."

"What about the future?"

"What about it?"

"I've been thinking a lot," he admitted quietly, "About if we...could really do this for real."

"I'm not sure that would go over well with your wife."

"Stevie."

"What?"

"I'm saying what if I want to be with you instead."

She stayed quiet for a moment, her mind racing about a million thoughts per second as she lay in his arms. "You have an entire family, Lindsey. You can't do that."

"Is that you saying you wouldn't want me if I were available?"

She pulled back to shoot him a glare, "Lindsey."

"I'm serious."

She sighed, her head returning to its spot on his chest, "I don't know what I want. What do you want? Why are you asking me this? We both know nothing will come of it."

"What does that mean?"

"You're in a committed, safe relationship that's easy and secure. We both know you won't risk or jeopardize that for....the uncertainty of us."

"Why not?"

"You know why not," she leaned her head up to steal a kiss, "The same reason you didn't leave Carol Ann for all those years."

"You didn't want to be with me then."

"So you're checking to see if I've changed my mind? Then you will consider leaving your marriage? That's not fair, Lindsey."

"I didn't mean it like that," he groaned, pulling her tighter by the waist, "I'm just...thinking out loud."

"Well maybe you shouldn't."

"Steph," he sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Lindsey, it's fine. You've got three babies, I would never ask that of you. It wouldn't be fair to them."

"They're not exactly babies anymore."

"Stella isn't even 10, Lindsey."

"Parents get divorced all the time. Kristen and I could handle it."

"Could you and I, though?" she looked up at him, her eyes lit up by the moonlight passing through the room.

"I think we could based on how we've been together this tour."

"Linds?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm getting pretty tired. Can we just sleep for a bit?"

He nodded, knowing the conversation was becoming too much for her now. He bent down to kiss her again, a tiny moan escaping her as he slipped his tongue into her mouth while gripping his fingers through her long messy hair.

"Goodnight sweet girl. I love you," he whispered into her mouth.

"I love you too. Tonight was so special, baby, thank you" she whispered in the little vulnerable voice of hers he loved so much.

They both fell asleep soon after, exhausted from their night of lovemaking and a conversation that set them both a little on edge...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stevie took his hand as they walked off the stage later that night. They made their way back to the dressing room quietly, Stevie spinning to grab a towel and wipe the sweat off his forehead once they made their way inside. He grinned at her while she carefully rubbed down his temples and neck with the towel, making sure to capture every bead of sweat. 

"What?" She smiled.

"You love taking care of me," he grinned.

She rolled her eyes, "Shut up."

"I can't believe you said that out there tonight...."

"I know," she bit her lip, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, it kind of just slipped out. I know it's...not the most appropriate but I don't think anyone realized?"

"I loved it," he shut her up with a quick peck on the lips when no one was looking, "And I'd love to end up living back here someday with you again."

"I shouldn't have said that part," she shook her head bashfully, "I promise I won't do anything like that in LA...."

"She won't see that, don't worry," he calmed her nerves, knowing she was referring to his wife finding out about her impromptu speech tonight.

She nodded quietly, backing away and straightening her hair out. In just an hour, their plane would be taking off for LA, and she couldn't help but feel a sadness about it. Their whirlwind time in San Jose was coming to an end, just like it did all those years ago. He would go home to his wife and children, she to her quiet condo. And tomorrow she would have to tone down all their flirtation and loving glances while his family watched from the audience. Suddenly she felt the weight of this affair on her heart, a feeling she'd been trying to avoid for so long. 

"Ready to head home?" he asked as she gathered her things. 

"No," she sighed, refusing to make eye contact with him, "Are you?"

"No. But I guess we can't stay here forever."