Mikayuu Oneshots

I Love You for You

I stared at the mirror in deep thought, so lost in the depths of my mind that I failed to hear the sound of the front door opening and closing.

My small hand timidly caressed my collarbone and ribs before fading away at my hip. I took a deep breath. I pulled my hair out of my face and turned to the side, looking at myself from the corner of my eye.

My jawline was too defined. My cheekbones are too prominent. My ribs are too visible. My collarbones stick out too much. My hip bones are too obvious.

You're an attention seeker. You want to be noticed. You're gross. You're beautiful. You're ugly. Stay away from me.

How can I be like you? Why are you killing yourself? When will you stop pretending? What are you trying to prove? Are you alright? Do you need help?

I've heard them all. The condolences, insults, and compliments. I've seen them all. The anger, disgust, and concern.

I've given up on trying to tell people that it's a condition I have and that I'm not starving myself. Nobody believes me.

Malabsorption. No matter how much I eat or how often I do so, I can't keep the weight on my body. The calories and nutrients from anything I consume goes straight through my body. I can't absorb them.

Nobody gets that either.

Why? I question silently, staring at the figure in the mirror.

I was born with a lack of enzymes to break down the things my body needs to be nourished like others. When I was little, it never bothered me because I wasn't sure what it was and nobody said anything about it. In middle school, I was envied by all the girls because I was given the body they all dreamed of having. In junior high, I had people from both genders asking me out and trying to take me on dates because I was feminine and looked good. Then high school came around. It wasn't terrible in the beginning, but as my junior year rolled around, I started getting bullied because they all looked at the details, They saw the ugly parts of me and made fun of me for it. They gave me terrible nicknames and sneered when I would pass them in the hall, intentionally touching my arm before jumping back and screeching out that they have touched the skeleton and that they are going to be turning into one as well.

That's when I started to binge eat. I ate until I threw up and ate some more, trying everything I could to gain weight. I suffered through my last two years of high school that way, hating myself more and more with every insult and piercing gaze.

When I got to college, I managed to back down from binge eating, but I still ate more than was healthy for a normal person. A few weeks into my first semester of freshman year, I was moved into a different English class because there were too many kids in mine. There, I met a boy that changed my life.

His raven colored hair and emerald eyes caught my attention the moment I stepped into the room. He has an infectious personality and wore his heart on his sleeve, not caring who judged him or who liked him. He was a ball of energy that sucked in everything around it before dispelling it, changing it to spread whatever he put into it, whether it be happiness or anger, it would spread.

He was the first person to talk to me without being forced to. He was the first to become my friend. He was the first to help me when I needed it. He was the first to always be there for me. He was my first love. He was my first relationship. I don't know where I would be today if I had never met him.

He knows I hated myself. Still do to an extent. I can hardly stand looking in the mirror and I hate going out in public, with or without him. He knows about everything that has been said and how I was treated in high school as well as the ever growing hatred I had for myself.