Bluer than Blue

Shade 30 - BUCKET LIST

MEMO

Ipinikit ko ulit ang mata ko at hindi inintindi ang mga naririnig kong pagkatok sa pinto ng kwarto ko.

I just want to take a rest...

I want to stop thinking...

I-I just want to find myself again...

"Memo please..." Again, I heard Jill pleading at the door.

"Love, that's enough for today. Maybe we should just let her rest." I can hear Cara outside trying to calm Jill down.

"Hindi pa din siya kumakain, kahapon pa.." Malungkot na sabi ni Jill.

"She will come out of the room once she's ready." Cara said.

At narinig ko ang yabag ng paa nila papalayo and after that I can hear nothing again but silence.

Dalawang araw na akong hindi lumalabas ng kwarto and I know they are worrying. Ang sakit ko siguro sa ulong kaibigan.

I am in pain and I am also hurting them, pero anong magagawa ko?

I j-just want..

Just few more hours...

Just give me a few more hours so I can have the strength to face you guys.

"Memo?" Gulat akong lumingon sa may pintuan ng marinig ko si Ica. "I know you can hear me.." 

"I hope you can hear me and you are awake right now..."

I am restless, and here she is reminding me of Blue.

Kahit isang araw lang naman, I want to think of nothing but you keep coming back in my head na para bang, that's the place where you really belong.

You are both my happiness and my pain; I believe I took too much of you and it became this way. Kahit anong pilit kong patayin ang pag-asang baka lang pwede maging tayo, paulit-ulit akong binibigyan ng dahilan para umasa at hawakan ang kamay mo.

"I-I don't know what you did, but I-Ivan is now willing to.. cooperate." Dahan dahan akong umupo sa kama at tinitigan lang pinto habang nakikinig kay Ica. "She's insisting on meeting a.. psychologist."

Nag-uunahang pumatak ang luha sa pisnge ko at tinakpan ang bibig ko para mapigilan ko ang paghagulhol ko.

She can't love me...

But she would rather do this than see me in court for her...

Even a bit? Hindi mo ba talaga ako mahal kahit konti lang?

I am on the verge of letting you go, but if you will give me even a little bit of hope, I will hold onto you even tighter.

"W-We can't just introduce her to anyone because you told her that you know one." Tumingala at tinitigan ko ang kisame kasama ng mas mabilis na pagtulo ng luha ko. "She said if you trust that psychologist s-she can t-trust herself to that person as well."

Of course, I will not entrust you to someone if I know they are not good for you. I always want what's best for you.

Pinilit kong tumayo sa kama, natawa akong ng mahina ng maramdaman kong parang bibigay ang tuhod ko nakakatatlong hakbang pa lang ako palayo sa kama.