Bluer than Blue

S K Y

peace, serenity, ethereal

Final shade...

I was happy and contented as a nurse in the Philippines. Masaya ako that I am finally doing what I have long to do. But from time to time I always remember her.

Just like what she wanted I let her go but she stays in my memories.

I was always updated about what was happening to her. Our friends keep in touch with her and I am happy to hear that she is doing fine.

She's finally out there getting back the life that she deserves.

Masaya na niyang inaabot lahat ng pangarap niya.

And I am so happy for her, kahit hindi kami nag-uusap I always make sure that my support reaches her silently. I know that she is starting to rise as a painter outside of the country.

I always celebrate her achievements and cry whenever I miss one.

When her graduation came, the urge of wanting to see her badly made me make a sudden decision to fly to where she was.

I was there in her graduation and watched her from afar. Umiiyak akong pumapalakpak habang pinapanuod siyang umakyat sa stage.

I was there but I didn't dare to go near her. I am afraid that maybe it is still not the right time for us to meet again.

With a heavy heart and thousand thoughts, I end up going to a bar. I was celebrating her success and mending my broken heart as well.

Natatakot akong my presence will lead to distraction to her plans.

But that night led me to the trauma that affected my life so badly.

I woke up in a different bed, naked.

Confused and scared I immediately flew back to the Philippines.

I was so traumatized that I couldn't go out of home for weeks. Then everything falls when…

"Tita?" Nanginginig akong lumabas ng cr habang dala dala ang pregnancy test sa kamay ko.

"Nak?" May pag-aalalang salubong sa akin ni Tita Janet.

Tuloy tuloy ang pagpatak ng luha sa mata ko habang dahan dahang umiiling. "H-Hindi to pwede Tita. M-Mali po ito… this should not happen. T-Tita.."

"Jusko!" Umiiyak akong niyakap ni Tita habang pilit niyang pinalalakas ang loob ko. "Andito ako, tutulungan ka ni Tita."

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately fell into depression. I was badly blaming myself and I kept thinking of Blue.

That's why Kuya North decided to take me to Australia with Tita. None of our friends know what happened, nalaman na lang nila noong sumunod sa akin si Jill sa Australia.

When they learned about what happened, nagsasalitan na sila in and out of the country para lang bisitahin ako.

Things lightly changed for me when Arona was born. Her presence gave a new light to my life. I made sure that she wouldn't feel she was a product of my mistake. It's not easy but with the help of people who love us dearly, I made it through.

I became a good mother to my child but I can't still forgive myself.

Hindi ako nakabalik agad sa pagiging nurse because of my depression. I was afraid of myself and my thoughts when I was alone. I can't be a nurse when I am like this, I can't put other people's lives at risk.

Then I met Juri, she was a head surgeon in a hospital in Orange.

We became friends and I asked me if I would like to go back into service.