Bluer than Blue

E P I L O U G E

BLUER THAN BLUE

BLUE

"Aabot ka pa." Tito Awin said while fixing his things.

We are still inside the courtroom, and until now I still can't believe it. 

I finally did it. 

Nasabi ko na yung totoo na matagal kong dinala. I think that it is the only thing left in me. Those were the last moments I had with my family, and I am afraid to let go. Takot akong makalimutan ko sila, natatakot akong baka walang matira na parte nila sa akin, that's why I hold on and holding on cause me a lot.

I am afraid to let go and just stay silent for years...

It is also painful to say...

"You should go." Tito Awin tapped my shoulder and motioned me to go.

"Tito, thank you po." I said sincerely while bowing my head.

I will not win this case against my auntie without his help... his husband was the real murderer. Alam kong alam niya at hindi niya lang rin kayang tanggapin. She did a lot of things to bring me down however, surprisingly I am still here standing.

I could feel like my parents were proud of me when I heard the verdict a while ago.

I was proven innocent.

"I am proud of you, hija. You should be proud of yourself as well." Tito gave me a gentle smile.

I let out a shaky breath. "I am Tito. Akala ko hindi ko siya kayang gawin."

Then a smiling picture of Louisse popped inside my head.

I miss her... so bad

It's been how many days since I last talked to her?

"Now things are settled, what are your plans?" I have decided to go outside of the country to study and start a new life.

I want to fix myself. Alam kong iisipin ng marami that I can now happily fall in love with Louisse since my case is now finished.

But no, this is not the main reason why I can't love her.

The main reason is myself. If I do not fix myself, I will end up depending on Louisse. Idedepende ko sa kanya ang bawat galaw at desisyon ko and I am afraid from that makakalimutan ko nanaman buoin ang sarili ko.

I want to be someone Louisse can depend on as well. Gusto ko ayusin ang sarili ko so I can hold her hand without being afraid that I will take too much from her. I want to be someone who she truly deserves. She brought the life in me back and I don't want to give her a half bake part of me.

"I-I want to talk to Louisse." I uttered, making Tito Awin chuckle.

"Kanina pa kita itinataboy paalis kaso busy ka tumulala diyan. Deluxe kept texting me as well, asking nasaan ka na" Tito showed me his phone to show Deluxe's messages.

"A-Alis na po ako Tito. M-Maraming salamat po ulit, I-I will fix myself and babawi po ako sa inyo." Yumuko ako ulit kay Tito before grabbing my car keys and running out of the courtroom.

I saw a flower shop on my way to their graduation venue. The blue roses are beautiful, that's why I decided to stop to buy a bouquet of them for Louisse.