Late night drives

XXI : Confessions

I jump out of bed my body is soaked with sweat. my heart is beating miles an hour. I no longer control my breathing, which suffocates as if I had been close to death. Maybe that was it. An awful feeling. I wince with excruciating pain in my head. while the rays penetrated timidly through the windows of my room. I try to catch my breath by repeating the cycle. Inhale Exhale. Inhale Exhale. I repeat this process until I gradually regain my calm which is returning to settle my body down.
Another nightmare.

5:15 pm at the parking spot.

When I arrive at our usual meeting place I notice that Ash is already there. he had been waiting for me for a few minutes since I caught him checking the time on his watch.

"So how long have we waited?"

Once he sees me coming he looks at me for a long time. As if he was scrutinizing all the parcels of my face from my forehead to my chin, focusing on particular areas such as my eyes, then my lips. I snap my fingers to snap him out of his daydreams. His eyes blink twice, he seems to be back on Earth this time. Much the better. I can't wait for training to start so that I could take my mind off things.

" That way you're gonna turn the steering wheel 360 degrees left and you fully press the accelerator."

For all answers, I nod mechanically.

"And reverse with the gear lever..."

" Yes."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"What?"

"As I doubted, I've been talking in vain for the past hours."

" It hasn't even been twenty minutes. Drop the drama queen act."

He looks at me, I can read how worried he is by only looking into his dark pupils. I know he's not going to repeat the explanations let alone act like nothing happened until I tell him the truth. I should tell him. Since we're working to face Kim together I should share my true motivations with him.

" There's something I didn't say about why I agreed with our deal." I struggle to find the proper words to express my inner thoughts.

" I had a brother Eric. He was among the best player in the tournament as well. His goal was to reach the top of the league. Although he never did. He died three years ago. To be more precise he was killed. And I was there. I did not help him. I did not save him. Rather than rescuing him, I ran away like a coward. And stayed in the shadows for one year until guilt finally got the worst of me. Until today I can't get rid of this guilt that eats me up inside."
I scream. How can I not be angry at myself? Ash walks up to me he takes my fists in his hands which I squeeze very hard so hard that I feel my fingernails penetrate the flesh of my palm. I'm trying to catch my breath. we remain in silence for a few minutes so that I can regain my composure.

" We could postpone it for tomorrow if you don't feel like continuing today's practice."

" No, I will be ok."

I was about to lower the lever when I received a message from Silver. It's a picture of him doing a selfie with my car. The caption is: Take care of your treasure right now. Here is an opportunity to get closer to them. I ask if I can pass by to see how well the renovations process. He agrees.
I smile while turning my head towards Ash. He doesn't look happy. I didn't have the chance to say anything before he gets out of the car without a word. I call him but he doesn't turn around, leaving without an explanation. I hope we can figure this out later, for now, I must not let this rare opportunity pass.

Half an hour later I find myself in front of the door of their house. I hesitate to knock. but I get there after having taken my courage in both hands. at that very moment, Kim opens the door. He wears a white shirt spotted with oil marks, and blue jeans. it's strange to see him in casual clothes. he stares at me. I do not know what to say. I start talking but nothing I say makes sense. He simply shrugs his shoulders and then returns to the kitchen. How do you manage to be so nonchalant? Luckily Silver joins us and tells me to follow him. We go down to the garage while he quickly explains to me the next steps of the repairs to be undertaken. I ask if I can help. He accepts with great enthusiasm.
When we arrive at the garage, for the first time since the accident, I inspect the extent of the damage. It's much more serious than I think. I can't even imagine the price it must cost. I am tempted by a very heavy toolbox. He then slides under the car to continue the repairs. From time to time he asks me to pass him a tool or two. I quickly forget the anguish of my sleepless nights.

I feel much better until Kim reappears. I had almost forgotten that he lived here. Almost. We indeed feel good here. No wonder Silver spends most of his time here. It is the perfect layout for all gear enthusiasts. I make a remark to him about the decoration. He answers me with his natural enthusiasm. The inspiration is -and I had no doubt it- taken from the fast and furious saga.
Tokyo drifts specifically. Kim loves it. He said.

" Let's say we were too crazy about it so we spent our time watching all the movies over and over again. This is why we decided to join the league." I sat next to him.

" Honestly, I'm more into mechanics than racing, but that makes us have common passions."

Kim places a plate of ham and cheese sandwiches and a few bottles of cold beer on a small table before leaving immediately. Silver invites me to share his snack unfortunately I decline, I'm not too hungry.

" Do you think you can finish in a week?"

Silver glances at my car and then raises his eyebrows.

"I'll admit that it's not obvious the damage is quite significant and I will have to change some tools and lots of them are very rare..."

"I could come and help. I may not know myself in mechanics however I could learn."

I hold out my hand to him, he quickly shakes it back.

"I often watch your races, you have potential. Plus you remind me of someone just starting."

"Who ?"

"Kim."

What? Are we talking the same, Kim? He and I have nothing in common. He is arrogant. Selfish. He thinks only of victory and is certainly ready to obtain it at any cost. As if Silver read my thoughts he answered.

" You may be thinking that he is far too haughty and snobby to be compared to you..."

"Who calls himself the invincible K?" I say to make fun of him. Silver laughs.

"I will agree with you that name stinks shit. Nevertheless, he wasn't always so confident. "

" You call that confidence? His ego is rather oversized."

At my words, silver's face darkened. My throat tightens, I've said a little too much.

"You know the Kim that I knew before the league was nothing like that."

"What do you mean by nothing like that?"

"To be honest Matthew, Kim lacks self-confidence. He points his index finger at me. "Just like you."

_________________________________________

Thank you for reading !!!

BIG REVEAL!!

We are finding out about Matthew's brother Ricky. It seems like he was also among the best racers in the tournament. Could jealousy and envy be the cause of what happened to him?

Also great thing for Ash.. that means Matthew has decided to trust him now. It will be better for them in order to obtain what they want.

However now that Matthew has to go more often to Kim's house I wonder how Ash will react. Would he be able to control his jealousy for the seek of their goal.

Another relationship that is slowly developing is Silver's and Matthew's. Since Silver is closer to Kim he will have an insider's point of view on Kim's personality that he detests.
Could it be only a surface to hide something else? Is it true that they indeed are as similar as Silver said?

Will this change the way Matthew perceive Kim? Or does he have to test him himself to see who he really is?

Would Matthew be able to learn more from him while proceeding to achieve the goal?

Ps: There's two chapters this weekend. Make sure you check out both.

I am looking forward to reading your comments.

Happy new year !! Best wishes for this upcoming year.

See you next week.

Vicky❤️