Late night drives

XXXIV : Ambivalence

The car slowly slides towards the driveway of their house. I still hesitate to turn around. Last time I left here I was more destroyed by the truth than by the ignorance that had been consuming my core. It had at least fed this deep sense of guilt, animating in me this desire to do justice. this bitter desire for revenge for his innocent blood. Now to see this house I want to see it destroyed by the flames before my own eyes. To bury with it all the memories and all the lies that inhabit its walls.

I sit in the car for a few minutes before signaling to Silver that I am there.
He joins me very quickly with my car. I am blown away. I no longer have the words. I feel like it's brand new. Its bodywork, its rims, its tires up to its steering wheel, and the dashboard have all been increased. I didn't think I would be so excited at the idea of ​​seeing the one who saved me and also with whom I came close to death. The duo is finally complete. That might sound superficial to think about at a time like this however I am glad we crashed the improvements are beyond my expectations. Silver is a real genius to have achieved such an amazing transformation in so little time. The amount of time he invested into this must have been a lot more than others. I didn't know I would like to change something in my car. I have been used to it. The nostalgic feelings reinforced my attachment to everything single.

Each little piece of my car and I never dared to change anything. and yet she still had plenty of potentials. I continue my inspection by walking around the car. I exclaim at every detail I see. While Silver stays a bit on the sidelines adding some precise from time to time.

" You even replicate the signature details on the gear shift!" I mutter as I walk away from the car.

When I come back to him I still don't know what to say. A simple thank you seems so insignificant in front of all this work. I begin to stammer a few syllables.

" Really- I- for real...I don't know what to say...Amazing."

"Let's start with a thank you and I think that will be enough."

He answers while gently patting my shoulder. I turn around again not fully convinced of what my eyes are seeing. It doesn't feel real. More than ever I want to drive around the city, and race. Feel the adrenaline as the speed is increasing and the engine is roaring. A feeling strangely similar to the one I experienced the first time I saw this little gem washes over me. I remember it clearly as if it was yesterday.

A few months after the funeral I turned 16. I was eligible to pass the test to obtain a driver's license. I already had more than a year of training undercover with Ricky, who was a very talented driver. He would teach me everything evening until mom would came back from work. It was our secret. However, after that night I never wanted to enter a car anymore. For months I had avoided driving at all costs. I would wall for almost half an hour when I had to go to school and locked myself down in my room the rest of the time. The mere sight of a person behind the car reminded me of his silhouette next to me when he was teaching me to drive. It was so much pain that it began to physically hurt, which atrocious headaches, and countless sleepless nights.

"You should talk to him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Kim. Give him a chance to explain himself. Please."

I don't want to deceive him so I don't reply to this advice. I wish I could explain to him all those things. But I don't want to get him involved. My only target is Kim. He is the only one involved. The only one to have caused us so much pain. Silver is so different from him. I wonder if he knows about what happened to Ricky. Although I doubt it because Kim would have never told what he did to anyone so he can keep himself safe. How could he even be at the Ligue? In a spot that is not his. Does he think he deserves all this fame and glory? It is all Ricky's. He is the only one who truly deserves this title. And I will take it back in his name whatever it takes...

" I should be honest. It is not my work."

" What do you mean ?" I asked intrigued by his comment.

" The detail from the gear shift... was carefully crafted by...Kim. He did it by himself."

I am so surprised that I retract a little not knowing what to answer him. He would really....no. There is no reason to. My head suddenly starts hurting atrocious. I wish I could not listen to it. Thoughts are jumbling inside my mind. I am sure that he only says that to soften me up and force me to talk to him. but it is for the good of all of us that I keep my distance from him. time to put my ideas in place. My desire for revenge...I want to avenge him. Yes. This feeling is slowly consuming my whole body. The urge to see him crawling in pain as he did to Ricky.

However, with all the recent events, I do not know what is happening. The confusion is rising more and more every time I think about it. It should have been easy. I waited for that moment for so long, two whole years, and now that I finally know it. I can not let my cowardice make me doubt more. my throat tightens again. I pretend to check the time to avoid the steady gaze of Silver.

A few seconds later he pretends to pat his pockets then declares.

" Oh looks like I forgot the keys. I'll go back and get them."

His gestures are implying that I should follow him but I don't move. He smiles and says in a reassuring tone don't worry you won't see him. I am not reassuring but I don't want to stand alone here doing anything either. I follow his steps and we go back into the house.

Once inside he offers me to wait patiently on the sofa, which I did. It was oddly comfortable. I haven't been back here for a long time. Nothing seems to have changed. I take a look around me. The small vintage cars are arranged on a shelf near the TV I approach to contemplate them more closely. These are extremely rare limited models. There are many that I recognize because Ricky was always talking about it he dreamed of having such a collection. when we were little he asked for it every Christmas. Unfortunately, they were too expensive we couldn't afford such expenses for simple toys said, mom. Growing up he didn't ask for more. I thought he had lost interest in them, that they were just childish whims until I caught him cutting pages from magazines. A special edition on collector cars. I wondered why he didn't buy them himself. He was old enough and working. With the money, he earned from work he could have afforded at least one.

In an instant, a loud noise breaks the silence of the room. I turn around to see where it could have come from. It seems to come in front where Silver went. I decide to follow the path of the noise until I find myself in front of the door that leads to the garage. I don't believe Silver is here. Yet I do not turn around. my hand hastens to grab the wrist which turns slowly. I enter the room quietly taking care to close the door behind me. Now that I'm here what should I do. he will surrender sooner or later from my presence. Before I even have finished thinking he begins to speak. my heart begins to beat intensely. Surprisingly I still have the strength to move toward him, crossing my fingers so that he does not turn around.

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Thank you for reading !!!

Silver is such a good friend!! He managed to completely fixed Matthew's damaged car in just a few days. Talk about dedication... Alone?

At least Matthew went to get the car at Kim's house. Hoping they could have a talk and FINALLY get to the truth by listening to Kim's version as well.
Do you think he can trust him after all that? Or will he try to lie?

See you next week.

Vicky❤️