The Light in the Darkness

Chapter 22:

"Um, I have to tell you all something." I paused, my voice shaky. I took a deep breath. "A few of you already know what I'm about to say."

I looked over at Louis and Dylan, sadness in their eyes. My heart ached, I know what I will tell them is going to kill them especially my mom. I hate that I did this to her.

"Zoë, are you okay?" Mom said standing up.

I couldn't get the words out, a simple "no" before I broke down. She walked up to me; pulling me into a tight hug, making me cry harder.

"Zoë," She whispered. "I love you no matter what."

It took me about five minutes to calm down. I wiped away the tears and faced the group again. They all had a concerned look with fear in their eyes.

"Guys," I said softly. "I messed up and it can't be fixed. You all know how I've been battling with depression. I tried so hard to push it away this week but I just couldn't do it, it took over me." I stopped, collecting my thoughts. "What I'm about to say may hurt you and I'm so sorry but I couldn't take it anymore. A few nights ago I hit my breaking point and I cut myself, a few times." I heard my mom whimper. "I tried so hard to fight it but the text just kept coming with more and more hate.

I felt the tears fall.

"I know what the consequences are and I'm okay with that. I have some demon's that need to be fought and I can't do that here."

I looked around the room. Dylan was crying into Nick's chest, who also was trying so hard to hold back the tears. My mom got up and left the room. She didn't even look at me, her face blank and cold. My heart dropped, I looked at the tearful eyes of my friends which only made me hurt more. I did this and I couldn't change it.

"I'm so grateful to have all of you." I said softly.

~~~

The whole night consisted of sadness and tears. The girls haven't stopped crying since Zoë broke the news; Stacey hasn't come out of her room. Louis and Mattie were real quiet, Mattie finally stopped crying and James just sat there, not saying a word. He may have not known Zoë long but in his eyes, he is hurt just like the rest of us. As for me, I have no idea what I'm going to do without her here. I'm really worried about Stacey. Zoë is all she has right now. I'm going to have to do everything I can to keep her sane. We all have each other but it won't be the same without Zoë. I'm hoping for a quick recovery so she can come back to us.

Zoë ended up going to bed early; the girls followed her to her room, they didn't want to leave her side.

"What's going to happen now?" Mattie said softly.

"To be honest I don't know." I said. "She'll only be there for a little while, just a little. She'll make a quick recovery and come home."

"It's not that easy!" Louis snapped, shocking us. "She's not going to go there and bam everything is fucking okay. She needs help; a lot of it!"

"I know." I said softly. "I was just hoping."

"Well, don't!" He yelled.

He got up and stormed out of the room. Mattie got up quickly, mumbled a sorry before following him out of the room.

"It's going to be okay, mate." James said barely above a whisper.

I looked at him, not saying anything and sighed. I know it's not going to be okay, it will never be fucking okay until she gets home for good. She needs help and I can't even fucking do that.

***

The girls finally fell asleep. Dylan, the last one to sleep, was breathing slowly beside me. I couldn't sleep, not with the events of tomorrow so close. I slowly got out of bed; I headed to the window and climbed up to the roof. It's always the best place to think, even if there really isn't anything to think about anymore. I fucked up, I know that. I can't change the past even though I really wish I could. I would change everything, I regret it so much. It's a weight on my heavy heart that will be forever there; just like my scars, there but not forgotten.