Imperial Affairs (Levi X Reader) AU

26. Freedom or Peace?

Narrator's POV

"Mother?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" Princess Historia sweetly replied to her daughter, talking to her from the only place she existed in anymore, her daughter's dreams.

Y/N hugged her mother without any more words, not even surprised to see her mother anymore since these dreams were routine to her.

A good routine though.

Y/N knew that her mother wasn't actually there but she was comforted in these dreams anyway because she could talk about herself even though she knew that no one was listening.

Or maybe it was because she knew that no one was listening.

Y/N showed her emotions to her friends but not entirely because she didn't want them to worry or think that she was too weak to be depended on.

But here, she could express those buried emotions freely because she knew that no one here could judge her.

Because no one was here.

"Why do the best people die?" Tears flowed down Y/N's eyes due to her sadness upon hearing the death of the one hope that she had been living by all the years.

"Sweetie," Historia patted her daughter's back as Y/N accepted the consolation from the image she had of her mother in her head which her brain was subconsciously playing to help her, "When we went to the garden to pick flowers, which ones did we pick?"

"The most beautiful ones," Y/N timidly replied, trying to hold back some of her tears.

"Y/N," Historia patted her daughter's head comfortingly, "You have to learn to let go. Of me, of your sister and when the time comes, your cousin."

"No!" Y/N held on to her mother's dress tightly, refusing to let go even the slightest as she knew that she was strong enough to hold on to her mother.

"But you have to. Christa did and became a strong individual, willing to reach out to her sister. After all, it was her who wanted to mend your relationship, wasn't she? She learned to let go of the past, let go of me and forget whatever separated you both and come together once again. She made a mistake, sure, but doesn't everyone make mistakes? Besides that one mistake, she was walking on the right path," Historia made a point.

"But why is this all happening now?" Y/N sobbed, "Everything has been fine for 11 years. It's been ever since he came here..."

"Don't blame just anyone, sweetie. It wasn't his fault. He's suffering in his own way, as much as you are, maybe even more. And besides, it hasn't been alright for 11 years, you just couldn't see the problems. All of that happening in those years that you may deem insignificant have led up to these significant events. Every breath that a person took, every emotion that a person felt and every little action a person took led up to this," Historia explained.

"Okay," Y/N whimpered.

"Y/N," Historia started talking again, retracting from the hug to look her teary eyed daughter straight in her eyes, "You're an ambitious girl but those ambitions will lead you to danger. I know that it was me who asked for you to fight but now, the situation has changed. Then, you needed to fight to survive but right now, running away would be the safer option. If you continue the path you are on now, you will lose your friends, hurt yourself, lose your remaining happiness and maybe even lose yourself. If you reach the top then don't think that that will be your happiness because once you reach the top, you might not have anyone by your side and there would be nowhere else to go. So just remember one thing, that you should know your priorities. Assuming that those can't be interlinked, tell me, do you want freedom or do you want peace?"

"Freedom," Y/N answered, not even taking a second to think.

"There," Historia continued, "You made your decision. If this is your decision then you have to suffer losses and when the time comes, learn to let go. Or you can never move forward and attain your freedom."

"I can still become e-emperor," Y/N stuttered.

"I never said that you can't become emperor if you don't let go," Historia explained, "I said that you can't be free. You can't be happy. You can't smile a true smile. You should know that your sister and I loved you very much as did your cousin and we wouldn't like you to be sad."

"I'm sorry mother," Y/N apologised, "But I'd like to hold on."

"Okay," Historia smiled, "That's your choice, but know that if you hold on or let go, we will always be with you."

"Okay."

Everything faded as Y/N realised that it was the end of her dream. These dreams didn't last long or at least not long enough for her liking and were even getting shorter than before because by each passing day, she was forgetting her mother more and more.

But she had realised this way before and that is why she decided to hold one deep down but distract herself from her losses so that she could still go on. She kept herself distracted until now starting a year after everything was solved. All her problems were solved. Until something happened that triggered her self doubt that she had buried deep down.

The death of her sister.

And then the death of her cousin that she had been looking for for years.

But she had to live with it.

She first decided to stay in denial but quickly decided against it because one day, that denial would hurt her more.

So she decided to ignore it. Like she always had been.

She woke up with a cold look on her face as she simply rose up and walked up to her window, peeking out to see if it was still dark out and it was. Then, she glanced at her clock and it showed that it was three in the morning. After seeing that, she made her way back to her bed and layed back down, after making a decision.

Today was the day she was returning to how she had been before.

Today was the day that she would start ignoring her feelings of sadness once more and focus on her ambitions to reach higher.

Today was the day that everything was going back to normal.

A/N = What's a titan's favourite food? Rawmen. 

October 31, 2022

- Heliaxa