Imperial Affairs (Levi X Reader) AU

76. A Scream Too Loud To Hear

Levi's POV

"Your Highness, hold on to the horse, not me! I am barely holding on!" I yelled out. I was panicked. Horse riding wasn't nearly as easy as the prince had made it seem when he rode away on his horse in the snow. I couldn't ride it properly even on the way more clear ground in the suburbs where the snow had already melted.

"Y-you won't kill me, right? Right?" The prince had become lost in the pain.

"You think I'll kill you after going to all that trouble to save you?!"

"S-so you won't? You won't leave me, right? You won't leave me like them, right?"

"Your Highness-"

"You won't give me poison to slowly kill me like them, right?"

"What?" What the prince was saying was almost enough shock to knock me off the horse.

"I-if you p-poison me then I'll look away and pretend to not know. I-it's the same with t-them. I'll do a-anything s-so they don't l-leave. A-anything."

"Who are you talking about?!"

"I-I can't tell you," The prince, despite being not able to understand anything due to the pain, was still conscious enough to keep whatever secret he was hiding, "I-if I t-tell you, i-if I say it in words, t-then I-I'll k-know. And I can n-never go back. I-I can never go back."

"Suit yourself then," I held the prince tighter because he was starting to slide off the horse a little. Though, that didn't make much of a difference because I, also, was starting to slide off the horse.

"Your Highness! Straighten up! We're going to go faster!" I used honorifics because I didn't know what his name was. I mean, I knew that the prince...wasn't uh...Y/N's twin. I could clearly see his face after all of the makeup had been washed off by his tears and I had seen the thin arms which had muscle, proving that the prince was fit, but his arms weren't thick enough for a healthy biological male.

I could feel his corset against my own and I could feel that it was sturdier than mine. As if it wasn't to fix a shape but to make one.

The prince...was Y/N.

But I didn't call him Y/N because I didn't know if that was his real name.

So I decided to test it.

"Y/N?" I murmured out.

"Hm?" The prince responded, "Am I...going to die?"

"Stop thinking about that," I snapped, "You repeat these words again and again when I'm doing my best to save you. If you really want to live then tell me how to go faster on this horse!"

The prince, who was facing toward me and had his arms tightened on my torso, did a stupid thing. He tried to turn and put his back to me. He succeeded. But I almost fell off. So it was an idiot move.

The prince leaned against the horse's mane for a moment before whispering quietly, "Buchwald, go faster."

The horse immediately sped up and was galloping really fast. I almost fell off because of the shock created by the sudden change in speed. I thanked myself for all the flying around I did on the gear in the Underground because it really helped build my balance. I looked at the prince to see if he was okay. It seemed that despite him being the one who was poisoned, I was the one affected by the change in speed. He didn't even flinch. Muscle memory does wonders.

The prince straightened his back and I pushed him back down because he was so tall that I couldn't see where we were going if he was in front of me. But I wanted to let him hug me despite me hating hugs because he had resumed his crying. The pain must have gotten stronger.

But at least the prince didn't seem to be babbling nonsense anymore. Maybe it was because he was in too much pain to talk. But I liked to think that he was feeling less fogginess in his head.

"...," The prince broke the silence that had been hanging over us for the past few seconds by simply uttering a name. A name I couldn't hear because he whispered it in between the clopping of the horse's footsteps.

"...," The prince spoke again, this time louder with his voice breaking more and more every second but I still couldn't hear the name. It seemed as if the pain that the poison was giving him that had grown to the point where he had stopped crying and had started to lose his mind was regrowing in the direction which made him cry. And it didn't look like he was getting back to his senses either. So his condition was just getting worse.

This was the poison that he wanted to give the Empress. This was how much he hated her. This was how much he had suffered at her hands and he knew that he would continue to suffer if she remained alive.

"...," He was louder this time as tears threatened to leak out of his eyes, "Don't...don't leave me. I-I swear I'll give you everything that you were promised!"

I didn't say anything. I couldn't have anyways because he wasn't talking to me. He was talking to someone else or at least, trying to, though, I was pretty sure the prince would keep it in his subconscious and not utter a single word of that sentence in front of them.

He was asking that person to not leave them. I couldn't understand these words easily. I could choose to interpret them at surface level but that would be believing in a lie or I could choose to ignore them altogether but something gave me the impression that if I did ignore them then the prince would suffer more than he already had.

I could choose to interpret them deeper but I didn't want to because to do that, I would need more information which could only be obtained from the prince. I was sure he would be reluctant to tell me anything about his relationships and his past if he agreed at all and I knew that even if he didn't withdraw some information from his stories, it would hurt him to make him remember sensitive topics especially when his life is spiralling into chaos.

"Please!" The prince cried, "Say something! A-answer me! Don't-don't lie to me...don't forsake me for-for someone else! I-I gave you e-everything and I am all I am because of you.... D-don't make me the second choice o-or d-don't let me find out."

"We'll be there soon," I patted the prince's head and struggled to stay on the horse because losing a hand that was supporting my balance made me nearly fall down, "The pain will end soon."

"Don't...don't lie to me."

"No one is leaving you," I hugged him with my left arm, "You will be okay."

The prince was silent. He seemed to be convinced by my words, at least, for now.

I had told a lie. A big lie. With the information the prince had let out just now, saying that no one was leaving him was a lie.

It was the first lie I told him.

I knew that he knew the truth.

I knew that he was just losing themself in the delusion I gave him.

Because it scared him.

Because it hurt him.

I knew he had told himself crueller lies.

Just so that he wouldn't be alone.

And I knew...I knew that...

...he didn't deserve to become the villain.

A/N = Tomorrow is the last day to order the AOT artbook. I will add an external link for the website. I swear it's not a rickroll this time.

What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO.

November 28, 2023

- Heliaxa