Imperial Affairs (Levi X Reader) AU

82. Like Medicine

Reader's POV

No one of us four dared to speak in the silence invoked by me. The realisation was weighing on me deeper the more I attempted to ignore it. The vain sobs in my heart did nothing to ease my fury at myself for I was unable to hate the man who took everything from me. I was unable to hate the man I would so readily die for until a few weeks ago. No, I would still die for him. The only difference would be that I would be able to force a frown upon my lips and a crease on my forehead. The only difference was that I had fooled myself that I hated him.

Why couldn't I hate him? Why couldn't I glare at him with the same darkness in my heart that I had saved for the Empress? Why couldn't I let him take a bite of the poison I so readily ingested for him?

I looked over at him, the star of the Empire. People either loved him or ended up with the bodies torn apart, flowing in the muddy gutters of the Underground, forgotten.

For a split second, he looked over at me. The millisecond that it lasted felt like an eternity as the time stopped, making me feel like we were the only two people in the entire universe as I stared at him through my hopeful, naive gaze of a child. The pain of the poison was gone and he seemed a lot younger too. It was like my memory had locked us both into the day when I was still only a child, when I hadn't witnessed hate, when I hadn't known darkness, when I didn't know he hated me.

He broke the gaze before I did and got back to greeting the guests, making me flinch, realising what just happened. I blinked and sighed, trying to regain composure over myself, trying to stop thinking about the feeling in my heart that didn't want me to grow up.

Maybe I can still stop time.

"Annie," I breathed, "Can you get me a glass of wine?"

"I...," She averted her gaze, "I'll spill."

"Bertholdt?"

"I can get it for you," Reiner offered.

"I thought you were going to stay by my side," I weakly smiled

"Fair point," He nodded. If he was in the right mind, he would never offer.

"Uh...," Bertholdt paused, "Which one?"

Whichever one is the easiest to use for you.

"You know my favourite."

"Alright," He sighed, "Don't wander too far off."

I flashed him a smile as he turned away and left, immediately flinching when I saw someone at the corner of my eye.

"Annie," I stiffened up out of fear, "Is it me or is Hitch walking straight toward me?"

"Hm," She thought for a moment, "Nope. It's not just you."

"Why?" I cursed under my breath, "I lost everything. Why does she still want to marry me?"

"Beats me," She shrugged, "Even with your status, you're a pretty bad candidate for marriage because you're so intolerable."

"Wow. I thought we were friends."

"We are. That's why I'm not sugarcoating things."

"Can we do this later? Can you just dance with me for now so that she doesn't approach me?"

"Nah. I'll pass."

"Why?"

"Just cause."

"Annie," I scolded, "That is no way for an aristocrat to speak."

"I thought you needed help," She stared at me boredly, "You're lecturing me? Besides, she's not a bad partner. She's cute too."

I pursed my lips and inhaled my anger, pushing it deep inside me, "Annie. I do not want to marry Hitch."