Imperial Affairs (Levi X Reader) AU

69. He's Nothing To Me

A/N = CHAPTER 69!!!!!!

Levi's POV

The rest of the carriage ride was silent. Sickeningly silent. The prince, who was usually the one to break the silence, stared out of the window and blinked once every couple of minutes, deeply in thought. And I...I didn't know what to say. Before, I never felt the need to break a silence. If it was quiet then it was good. I wouldn't have to talk and that would be the best thing ever. But right now, I could feel the silence stabbing at my heart. No, it wasn't awkward. I don't know how I can explain it but it was...painful. I was sorry for a mistake I didn't make. I was sorry for stopping by to eat at a place that the prince liked but could only look at from outside. I had experienced that feeling before. That feeling of exclusion. And I knew it hurt.

Back when I was young, I had to join a gang to keep myself alive even though I didn't really see the point in staying alive down there because I couldn't bleed if I was dead. The big shots of the gang could eat bread, potatoes, anything that made it down there without any infections on it while I and others my age and position only got fungi infested ones that made us sick to the point where we chose to starve instead.

The prince wasn't in a dire need of that food but it wasn't the food I was concerned about, it was that feeling.

The feeling of falling into an endless pit, wondering when you'll reach the bottom and how hard the impact of the crash would hurt you, the pain that feeling brought, that was what I was worried about.

I wonder since when I started worrying about rich scum like him but honestly, now, I could see him as anything but scum. Sure, it must have been for his own selfish reasons, for his own conscience that he sacrificed his chance at the throne but in that sense, there isn't a single kind soul in the world. Isabel must have shared what little she had down there for her conscience. Mother must have had me because she was lonely. Furlan must have come up here for me because he was scared of losing me.

And I...I came up here because I couldn't live with myself if I didn't fulfil my friends' dreams.

The prince took the fall for the people in the North and I was sorry for not being by his side the day it happened even when I knew that I stayed behind by his orders and my presence wouldn't have changed anything. I was sorry that I had accepted his offer to go eat even when I couldn't have possibly known that he wouldn't go in. I was sorry that I asked about why he didn't go in even though I only asked a simple question.

I was sorry...for lying to him about Isabel, both for Isabel's safety and the fact that his cries that night were ringing through my ears right now and the only thing that I could see was his sister's empty eyes on the balcony that other night.

You know what? Maybe he wasn't so bad. He may have been using people as stepping stones to achieve his dream but he was prepared to sacrifice himself for them when the time came.

And in that moment...I was glad...that I hadn't tried to kill him.

I remembered Furlan's words. That it didn't matter if we killed one of those Imperial bastards but now, I disagreed. It did matter. I didn't mind killing the Imperial family members but as for killing this one, no. I was not going to hurt this one. Though he may be corrupt, that was the best this Empire could get and I wasn't about to snatch this Empire's best chance at surviving.

I knew he was weak right now. I knew I could kill him and escape. Even though he said he was bringing Isabel up here, there was no guarantee that he would be able to and who knows, maybe he wanted to keep her with himself. But I wouldn't kill him.

For the Empire. Yeah, it's for the Empire. There's no other reason.

When I thought about it, it didn't make sense how I felt hurt for him because...it was only for the Empire. Why would I attach his emotions to mine? Maybe it was because he was at least trying to help me.

Yeah, that was it.

The window behind the prince's head opened and I heard the coachman's voice boom, "We're here, Your Highness."

I looked over at the prince who was no longer looking out of the window. His face was in the direction of the door but his eyes were tightly shut, a pensive look on his face as he made movements with his hand that indicated that he was contemplating something.

"I see. Are we on time?"

"Early. Your Highness."

"Is that so? Alright. Feel free to enter the guest room in the palace though I request that you don't say who you are the coachman for."

Two moments of silence.

"Very well, Your Highness."

I opened the carriage door and got out. The prince descended after me and I closed the door behind him. As the prince straightened out his outfit, I, for the first time, looked at the Imperial Palace. I had no words to describe it except that it was far grander than the prince's and all its valuables sold would make enough money to solve all poverty in the entire Empire.

"Do not bow to anyone other than the Emperor or Empress," The prince started walking in the direction of the palace, "In simple terms, just do as I am."

I scoffed as a way to signify that I had heard him and followed the prince into the palace, leaving the coachman behind as he parked the carriage and went in separately.

The prince looked straight into the hallway as we entered it. The guards at the gate were sitting in their chairs and not even bothering to acknowledge the prince and the only reason we were able to enter was because that the gate had already been open. While walking, I started sensing something in my blood other than the usual disturbance caused by the prince's presence. I sensed shakiness, I sensed anger and I sensed fear in him.

Soon after we started walking through the cold, gloomy halls of the palace that could only foreshadow darkness despite being lit up by golden lanterns, we saw the Empress who as soon as we got close to, turned to face us. The prince immediately bowed, which meant that I had to too but I didn't miss Marcel by her side flashing me a weak smile. It didn't hold any malice. He was offering a greeting.

"Want me to pat you like this? I'd assume that you're interested in that," The Empress brought a fan up to her face.

The prince grit his teeth, not looking up, "I'd expected nothing more respectful from Your Majesty. I wonder who cursed His Majesty so that he got such an elegant wife."

"Rise," The Empress's playful look was gone as I and the prince rose up and looked her in the eye as she ordered Marcel on her right, "Leave. I wish to have a private conversation with my stepson."

Marcel looked like he was about to protest against the order but before he could say anything, the prince spoke, "You too, Levi. Who am I to refuse if Her Majesty wishes to speak with me?"

"I'm glad to know that you know what's best for you," The Empress crossed her arms as Marcel turned to the empty hallway and started walking away. I followed behind but as soon as I figured that the Empress and the prince weren't looking anymore, I hid behind a pillar, out of sight but still in earshot.

Because I couldn't bring myself to leave him there.

I don't know why I couldn't leave him other than the fact that he would save Isabel. I knew that wasn't the only reason. I knew that he was weak, that he could be killed but I couldn't find another reason why that would concern me. Many acquaintances of mine had died which they wouldn't have if I had protected them but that still didn't make me take any precautions next time. So why, why was I so pathetically hiding behind a pillar and eavesdropping on a prince that I was originally supposed to kill?

Why was I protecting him?

A/N = I know this chapter was supposed to be posted yesterday but technically, it's not late. The date never changed for me because I never slept. And I never slept because I was studying for my Chemistry Test today. I still can't figure out what a fucking dipole dipole force is. Please wish me luck.

Also, sad news. Google Docs removed Comic Sans....

I would make a font joke but I'm not bold enough.

October 11, 2023

- Heliaxa