I don't care

Chapter 24: The First Witness

Ang awkward. How did I end up with her sa iisang table sa canteen? Halos magkalahating oras na silang tatlo sa counter. Tangina, masyado bang mabigat lahat ng inorder namin?

I looked everywhere huwag lang sa kanya. Nagawa ko na ngang subaybayan kung paano buhatin ng mga langgam ang isang butil ng kanin. I know this is wrong. I even hate it when someone do this to me! Pero I don't want another heartache..but I guess this is also unfair? AYOKO NA, TANGINA MARCOS MAGNANAKAW.

I needed to glance at her direction when Katrina passed by our table, exactly behind her, to greet me. I only made face at her then shooed her away. Kilala ko itong babaeng 'to, bumabait lang dahil sa binigay ko kanina. Ang plastic!

Tinawanan niya lang ako, then she disappeared from my sight.

The playful look on my face vanished when I accidentally made eye contact with this woman in front of me. She has her arms crossed, the same way how her brows are meeting in the middle. She is looking at me with this intensity that I can't help to gulp.

She leaned forward with her hands clasped on top of the table. Parang guidance counselor siya na ready nang pagalitan ang pasaway na bata na si ako. Umatras naman ako at sinandal ang likod sa upuan. The fuck, her stares are making me uncomfortable.

Napatinigin na lang ako sa kanya nang bumuntong hininga siya. She now has a softer look on her face. What she did next made me want to cartwheel until my heart calms down 🤸🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🧍🏽‍♀️.

Soft hands grasped mine; there was this gentleness to the way she held mine that I wanted to melt in my seat. Halos mag-kombulsyon na ako nang hinaplos pa niya ito.

"Erin, are we okay?" She softly whispered, asked, too soft for everyone but loud enough for me to hear.

It took me seconds before I could react. Damn those eyes; they never fail to drown me, to own me.

I awkwardly laughed at pasimpleng hinila ang kamay ko mula sa hawak niya. At that moment, I had the strong urge to reprimand myself for the way her face expressed an emotion that made me feel like baka nagiging delusional lang ako. She looked hurt, but I don't know; it was immediately replaced by a questioning look.

"Anong pinagsasasabi mo diyan? Wala naman tayong problema, ah."

She titled her head then sighed, "That's the point. Wala nga tayong problema but why do I feel like na meron?" 

"Erin, may ginawa ba akong mali? Or is there something na nasabi ko that offended you?" She continued.

"Ano ka ba, Rebecca. Wala nga. Gutom lang yan. Sakto andito na sila." Sabi ko at napabuntong-hininga sa kaba. 

Ganda naman ng timing nila. Kainis nga lang dahil may kasamang asungot yung tatlo. Though I had my attention sa paparating sa amin, I had a glimpse of disappointment on Rebecca's face. Even though I am not surprised by her reaction, I, too, felt disappointed in myself. I am blaming myself and the place I grew up for this incapability of mine to communicate. I know we or I should have talked it out. To tell her that I am feeling stupid feelings every time she's spending more time with Christian than us, or....me. Pero I am still not fucking sure, okay?

What if this is just my admiration of the way she thinks, the color of her eyes, and the way I feel valued or important to her? Baka I am just getting confused. Because ain't no fucking way I'd feel these feelings like a graduate of PBB teens or an early teen when I just broke up with the worst boyfriend a girl could have. I JUST FUCKING DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. I am confused. I am broken. I don't know!

"Erin? My most beautiful cousin, okay ka lang?" Kang asked, and as I raised my head, all of them were looking at me. 

"Y-Yeah, I am fine. Kain na tayo." I said, then cleared my throat while keeping myself busy with the trays na dala nila. I do appreciate the worried look on their faces, except lang kay Christian dahil tangina sino ba siya.