MAKEOUTHILL

15%

A/N: i woke up at 12:26 am and randomly decided to write this chapter.

i also have a massive headache.

enjoy. :)

trigger warning, self harm.

February 2013

It's been four days since I first let Jahseh stay the night.

He hasn't gone home since.

I don't mind his company, he's just very annoying.

We're sitting outside on the patio, listening to Jahseh rant about his life.

"I'm a bad person bro," he sniffs. "I fucking... do drugs and steal shit. I don't wanna be this way. I just want to be heard and seen.

"Can't you tell?" He shifts towards me. "I crave attention and affection from women because I never got that shit from my own mother. I love her so much, it's gonna fucking kill me."

He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and attempts to light one, "Jahseh.." I start.

He knows I hate it when he smokes. That shit makes your teeth yellow and it stinks.

He apologizes and slides the pack back into his pocket.

"I'm a homeless 15-year-old with no regard or care for how the people around me are doing. I fight for fun and as a way to release my own anger. I'm a sick person. Charisma, how do you even stand to be around me?"

"Jahseh, if I could explain my mentality to you properly, you'd see that we're no different in that aspect. I never had the ideal childhood, and though my mother was in my life, she chose not to support me in any way.

"But instead of stealing and fighting. I cope with my feelings by showing harm towards myself," I admit quietly.

"Show me?" He asks in a low tone.

I nod and stand up towards the porch light.

Slowly, I pull down the waistband of my shorts and show him the many uneven cut lines carved into my hips.

"What does this one say?" He asks as he points to the the sprawling, upside down letters.

"Tranquil."

"Why?"

I pull my pants back over the cuts and sit back on the lawn chair. "I find a sense of tranquility in inflicting pain on myself. I feel like I'm doing myself a favor."

We sit in silence listening to the sound of the ocean waves near us. It's beautiful how something miles away can still manage to be heard.

"I wanna do a blood bond," Jahseh says.

"What's that?"

He gets up and walks inside, holding the door for me as I enter behind him.

I lock the door and follow him to the kitchen.

He takes one of our glass cups and purposely drops it in the sink. "I'll get you a new one," he laughs quietly.

I hop onto the kitchen counter and watch as Jahseh picks out a shard of glass and brings it to me.

He stands in between my legs and hands me the glass shard.

"I want you to cut 'Alone' into my palm," he says quietly.

"Hell no, what are you—"

"The purpose of this is for us to grow closer together internally. I cut your hand, you cut mine. Then we hold hands and allow our blood to connect."

"Do me first," I say.

He nods and hands me his phone to use as a flashlight due to the fact we're sitting in a completely dark kitchen.

The time reads 4:26 AM.

I use my left hand to hold the phone and allow my right hand to rest on his palm.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks.

I nod a yes and watch as he cuts each letter into my palm.

Once he's done, I admire the small five-letter word cut into my hand.

He holds out his hand for me and I shake my head. "I can't do that to you. I'm with this shit one hundred percent, but I won't be comfortable with myself knowing I—"

"It's fine, I got it," he laughs. I hold the flashlight as he cuts the same word into his left hand.

"Okay," he sighs. "When we do this, we're supposed to be able to feel each other's emotions. I'll be able to feel when you're sad, or if you're happy or some shit. And you'll be able to feel me."

"I'll feel it in my hand?"

"No. Say, I'm sad. You'd be able to feel that shit as if it was your own emotion, but you'd know it's me."

My blood begins to overflow so much that the entire word seems to be covered in a red puddle.

"Countdown," I say.

He whispers the numbers three, two, and one before he holds my hand with his and squeezes it lightly.

We stay that way for about ten seconds until he releases my hand.

"We just did a fucking blood bond," I whisper to myself. "Jahseh, you're my fucking soulmate."

"And you're mine," he kisses my forehead softly before leaning my hand over to the sink and running water on it.

I squeeze my eyes shut as he disinfects it with an alcohol wipe and then covers it with a bandaid.

He does the same to himself.

We head to my room and climb into bed.

"Will this shit actually work?" I ask.

"I honestly don't know. But if it does then that would be cool, wouldn't it?"

"Hella."

"Charisma?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for being here for me. I don't know how things would've been for me if you weren't around. You just— You just give off this energy that makes me so... attracted to you.

"When you were gone, I never felt more solitude. I isolated myself away from everyone. You make me a better person, Charisma. Don't you ever fucking leave me again."

"I won't—"

"No, you don't get it. Don't ever fucking leave me. We're stuck together. I want you to know that."

He pulls me against his chest. "I won't go anywhere, Jah."