Necessary Friendship

Steps Forward

Antwan held Miranda's hand as they drove to the cabin. They didn't speak and she just looked out of the window at the beautiful scenery that the woods provided. They pulled up to the cabin but it was a two story home. Antwan got out of the Range Rover, walked around and opened the car door for Miranda.

Miranda sat and looked at him before taking his hand and getting out of the car. She looked at him as he led her up to the house. He was a good man and even though he wasn't Ben she could see herself with him. Antwan unlocked the door and when they walked in Miranda's eyes quickly went to the high ceilings.

The living room was huge and the kitchen was so perfect that Miranda almost wished she liked cooking. Antwan led her to the master bedroom where there was a king size bed and the bathroom had a jacuzzi with a walk in shower. Miranda settled in on the bed and turn on the tv.

"I'm going to get us food and groceries so if you just want to relax and take a nap, I will be back," Antwan said before kissing her hand and leaving.

Miranda eventually fell asleep and when she woke up she smelled food. She got up, went into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. When she got to the kitchen Antwan was there cooking. He turned and smiled hearing Miranda come in and she sat down at the island to watch him.

Later after they finished eating Antwan took her outside and they sat on the dock over the lake letting their feet touch the water. Miranda just stared into the water and Antwan watched the expression on her face.

"Miranda I invited someone to talk to you. She specializes in trauma counseling and she is here if you're willing to talk to her."

Miranda looked over at Antwan and nodded her head softly. He got up and a few minutes later a pretty, dark skinned woman with long locs came and sat beside her.

"Hello Dr. Bailey, I'm Hannah Council."

"You can call me Miranda."

"Okay Miranda....do you want to tell me what you are feeling and thinking."

"I kind of want to jump into this water but I never learned to swim. I think that's the first smart decision I've made lately, deciding not to do something. I was married then I got divorced. And because I didn't have much sexual experience outside of my ex husband I jumped in and started sleeping with men. I didn't really know what I was doing but I just wanted to experience a decent orgasm for once."

"That's understandable a lot of people when they've been sexually suppressed tend to go and have a sexually open season you can call it."

"It was more than that....my ex made me feel like I wasn't good enough. He acted like the sex he got from me was just because I was available and not because he desired me. It wasn't because he didn't know what to do, he just didn't feel I was worthy," Miranda shared as she shed tears.

"So I decided that I was going to go out and be desired. And I have been but I met my best friend and he made me feel seen. And Antwan I think he sees me too but I'm scared to start another relationship. And then I went to the bar I frequent and this man that I was assaulted by  had been seeing me interact with men and thought it was his turn to have me. And it intensified that feeling of he didn't necessarily want me he just wanted sex from me which made me feel unworthy again."

"Miranda you are deserving of love and deserve to be desired. And Your ex not valuing you or that man being a predator and rapist doesn't take away from how worthy you are. And it's okay to be want to be desired. But it just has to be by the right person. Because something tells me that though being sexually open is fine for some that's not who you are."

"Yeah, it's not and honestly I don't want to continue. I want to learn to be myself and to heal from the assault."

"Well I will teach you some tools and techniques to help you heal from the trauma. Let's go ahead and try some."