Silhouette | Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugou

16 | Confessions

Shouto Todoroki

As though a dark, lace blindfold of ecstasy had been draped over Todoroki's frantic eyes, he was unable to see past the barrier of infinity staring down at him with rose-colored eyes. He hadn't the faintest idea if he was comfortable or uncomfortable, and in fact, he couldn't discern the thoughts flapping through his head. All Todoroki knew was that he had never experienced the undying heat and sensations that Bakugou guided him through.

All this time... Todoroki began to ponder while steadying his breaths. Has it really been that I've been attracted to him? I know I must be interested in him, but it doesn't feel right. It wasn't long ago that I was married. It feels so wrong... He felt a familiar, calloused hand gently grasp his. But I liked everything he did to me. I like his looks, his personality, his ideals... But I've never felt this way before towards any man. I've enjoyed my friends, but I've never felt this... This deep, longing, obsessive, and clingy feeling.

"Oi..." Bakugou's voice was like an ember eaten at the edges by ash. "I didn't say sooner because I didn't know if it'd work out, but I got somethin' to say... Listen, put aside what just happened. It was hella hot, but that ain't what I care about. You said you admit to being gay for me, yeah?" His voice had sunken into a whisper partway through his sentence. "Well... Tch. I feel the same way." A faint blush spread across his cheeks. "The minute I saw you, I knew I wanted to get to know you, and once I did, the attraction hit like a fucking truck."

Oh, Todoroki thought to himself. Oh, he...likes me? I'm liked in a romantic way by a man. I like that man...I think in a romantic way too. He felt an acidic shiver cause his bones to disintegrate. I should feel the giddy joy I got when Momo and I confessed, but I don't. I don't know what I'm trying to deny anymore. Am I denying that I'm gay because it's just so foreign and awkward, or am I confusing friendship and the drive for passion with a romantic interest?

For a fleeting moment, Todoroki locked eyes with Bakugou, and that interaction alone was enough to set Todoroki's heart ablaze with a perfervid feeling that was neither lust nor the afterglow of his experience with Bakugou. He firmly squeezed Bakugou's hand, but with lips that were tempted to reply with a kiss, he felt a spear of something hot and frothy coat his guts like mold.

"Are you...replacing me?" inquired a familiar voice that sank its fangs into Todoroki's heart. "You said I was irreplaceable. The person who brought you the most happiness in life. The only person for you... How much...of a lie was our marriage for you to replace me with a man so quickly?"

The ghost of Todoroki's deceased wife clung to his shoulders, whispering into his ears. Unable to silence that tantalizing voice, Todoroki turned onto his side to face Bakugou. He wanted to share the same embrace he felt with Momo, the same deep and loving kisses, the same comfort of simply lying beside Momo... He began to recall his interactions with Momo that, even when those memories had been the present, he had not once taken them for granted.

"Not ready for a relationship yet?" Bakugou asked in a low yet mellow voice while massaging Todoroki's shoulder. "Or...maybe the thought's uncomfortable?"

I don't know... Todoroki thought while shrugging. Nothing feels right. Nothing feels real. Nothing feels like it's going to matter in the end. I'm tired... I just want to close my eyes and push this off to tomorrow. Tomorrow... I don't want to go to work. I don't...want to do anything...

Don't you wish you could just disappear?

"I don't know what the shrug means," Bakugou sighed, "so I dunno what we are. Funny that we both had gay confessions to spill over this, though."

Todoroki nodded slowly and felt around the bed for his phone. Everything's kind of a blur right now. But I don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship again. My relationship with my wife didn't at all end in anything bitter between us, but I wouldn't want to end up making you feel bad.