Silhouette | Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugou

35 | Shattered Walls

Shouto Todoroki

After a few minutes of being marked with the nicks of Bakugou's teeth, Todoroki realized that the only feeling still lingering within him was the feeling of emptiness. Izaki told me to try and rationalize after coming up with my bad thoughts, but my mind is scrambled. Why am I not feeling what I should be? This is the only chance I have to experience this kind of love for the first time, and I can't enjoy the last of it. Why? No. I know why... The hot liquid blurring his vision receded.

Finally withdrawing his lips from Todoroki's bruised neck and shoulder, Bakugou whispered, "I can tell something's off, Shu. Uneasy about what we did?" He pulled back from Todoroki's arms, and his fingers began to traipse from Todoroki's shoulders to his elbows.

Todoroki shook his head and feigned a smile. 'I was thinking about when I had sex with my wife.' I can't tell you that. Momo... They took you away from me. I'm not taking those pills anymore. You're not... You're not just...

"Shu..."

I'm making it worse, Todoroki berated himself as his smile grew faintly. Katsuki's all that matters. Stop being selfish and ruining it for him. I feel so weak and vulnerable when I'm with him like this. Like I can't hide anything, and I have nowhere to hide. Don't look at me anymore. But if I truly do love him...I have to be okay with exposing my weak and vulnerable side. I have to be okay with showing him who I am, beneath it all. I have to be okay with letting him have what's buried deep inside of me that no one else is allowed to touch. I think if he touches it...I'll really break. He unconsciously tucked his left hand behind his back as his shoulders tensed. Don't feel it. It's fine.

Bakugou lowered his brows. "Did something make you uncomfortable?" Once his rough, quiet words exited his mouth, the tips of his fingers slowly slid towards Todoroki's wrists.

"You do realize that you're keeping yourself here longer by lying and trying to escape from everything, right? You're not leaving until you change. Only you can make the change. Getting out of here is up to you. Looks like you wanna be stuck here, huh?"

With immense reluctance clinging to his bare shoulders, Todoroki nodded. But I can't admit the truth. I can't admit the full truth, either. I need to tell you some of it, though. I'll never be worth having the honor of being your significant other, otherwise. His breaths slowed, and his heart pumped hot sourness into his mouth when Bakugou began to follow the raised scars on Todoroki's wrists.

"Do you think your body is too ugly for me?" inquired Bakugou.

Todoroki forced himself to nod. It is true. The scars are hideous. I don't know how it wasn't a turn-off for you.

Bakugou's sullen expression softened into a smile. "Clearly not after what we just did," he chuckled. "Hurts to see that you were willing to give yourself these scars, but they're a part of you, Shu. Be kinder to yourself. Easier said than done, but hey, before you sleep tonight, think about three things you like about yourself. You can write them down in the morning, 'kay?" He moved one hand back to Todoroki's shoulder, and once Todoroki nodded, Bakugou replied, "Good. Happy you shared, Shu. But somethin's still bothering you. Is it related to this?"

Todoroki nodded and rested his head on Bakugou's shoulder again. It's not nearly the full extent of the problem, but the urge to rip my skin open is unbearable. I want to go back. I know it worked. I want the immediate relief. I want to numb everything. I want to hurt and bleed until I forget why I started doing it. Don't let go. I'm itching for it, but I don't want to do it anymore. I want to be a father and a husband my family can look up to and depend on. No matter how agonizing it is, I just have to grit my teeth and crawl out of this hell. He held Bakugou fast.