I Want What I Can't Have

Guess Who's Back

I missed Finnick. I regretted all the time I resisted from calling him. I really needed him but of course Snow had to ruin that as well. I went on living my life as normal. Wake up, eat, train, watch the news, sleep, nightmares, repeat. Life had become an endless circle of hell. Thanks Snow. Luckily, I'd had no more encounters with that man but I knew I would be in the future. Hopefully not soon. I lived a quiet life in the Victor's Village of District Eight, I didn't see many people, I didn't go out as much. I kept quiet and tucked away from the world and it felt better that way.

***
When the 71st Hunger Games approached I was really excited. I never, in a billion years, thought I'd be saying that but I had my reasons. I get to see Finnick again. That was what I was most excited about. It had felt like thousands of years had gone past since we last spoke, since I last touched him, since I last looked into his sea green eyes. I didn't attend the reaping as required. I gave no alibi this year and no one dare ask me. I had learnt my lesson from the last years, I couldn't get too attached to my tributes. I made my way onto the train meeting Clo and Amaryllis in the carriage.

"Haven't seen you in a while," Clo remarked.

"I've been living a quiet life," I replied.

"You're okay though, mentally?" Amaryllis asked.

"Yes," I replied, "why do you ask?"

"Because we don't want you ending your life like that mad girl from district four, what was her name?" Clo began.

"Annie Cresta," Amaryllis answered.

"That's it Annie," she continued.

"You know Annie was murdered right? It wasn't suicide," I said.

"By who?" Amaryllis asked, shocked.

"It wasn't you was it?" Clo asked.

"No Clo! Geez I'm not a sociopath! No, it was Snow!" I said, a but offended Clo would think that of me.

Clo burst out laughing, "surely not. He's the President!"

"And why do you think he still has power?" I asked, "one answer. Murder."

"We don't need to have this discussion," Amaryllis said, "and if I were you Flaire, I'd watch your mouth. He's everywhere."

I nodded, closing my mouth.

"This years tributes are right through this door," she explained leading me through, "this is Cerise Hamilton and Xavier Limestone."

They were both a lot older this year, must've been both their last years of reaping. Unfortunate they were chosen. I wasn't getting attached this year. No nice talk, straight to it. Strategies, tactics and training. That was my focus.

***
The train ride felt too long, but I knew every passing second was a second closer to being with Finnick, which excited me. It was a shame he had to come back this year. If Annie was still here she'd be mentoring and he could live a free life. It was rare that would happen to me. People from eight didn't usually win. I had luck on my side and a few knives but still. Neither of my tributes were hopeful to win this year. They had practically accepted that they were going to die and at this point, that was fine with me. Mor reason to not get attached. When we finally arrived in the Capitol people awaited outside. Some with cameras, some with notebooks, the list goes on. I ignored them all and walked through the crowd to get to our destination. To get to Finnick.

I realised how selfish I sounded but at this point I didn't really care. Clo, Amaryllis, the tributes and I went up the glass elevator to floor eight. I still had the same room I did every year and it was always left the same. At least that was something that remained constant in my life that wasn't nightmares, right? The night pressed on, but as always the Victor Party was on and I was ready. I got changed into a silky dress and made my way downstairs. I smiled. I'm back.

The room was covered in different coloured lights. Drinks were everywhere. I tried to look for Finnick but couldn't see him, but spotted Haymitch, so went and spoke to him instead.

"Oh! Princess!" He said. Surprise, surprise, he was drunk.

"Haymitch," I replied.

"Another year," he grimaced.

"Another year," I sighed, "you haven't seen Finnick have you."

"Just walked in," he said, gesturing with his champagne glass to the door, "bye Princess."

I didn't bother to say anything back but made my way towards Finnick. He saw me and began to walk over, weaving between people and drinks. I laughed and he smiled. We met in the middle and hugged.

"I've missed you," I murmured into his chest.

"And I've missed you," he chuckled into my hair.

We pulled apart and started dancing blending in with everybody else there.

"How are you?" I asked, "we haven't spoken in so long."

"I'm living," he said, "what about you?"

"I'm also living," I replied.

He smiled and I beamed back.

"You look pretty," he said.

"So do you," I giggled back, "how are the tributes?"

"Haven't fallen in love so that's good," he said, somewhat sadly.

"Oh Finn," I said.

"I'm fine," he said, "they're strong, they train hard. They're careers and volunteers you know?"

"Not really," I laughed, "mine are all reaped."

"You weren't at your reaping," Finnick mentioned.

"Didn't want to be there," I replied.

"Oh," he smiled, "so you just didn't go."

I nodded, "and you've been the only one to bring it up."

"Only because I was worried," he said.

"I know," I smiled, as we danced the rest of the night.

***
The tributes from my district were apparently very strategic. The two had already spent some time working out what their game plans were. I couldn't help but 'overhear', (I was eavesdropping) their plans and they were all sure to fail. They needed to find water, they needed weapons and they needed reliable sponsors. For people who were sure they were going to die, they seemed a bit too determined. It was sad watching false hope play out. Now I know why Snow got a kick out of it.

The days passed quickly and the day of the individual assessment scores came. Of course Districts 1 and 2 scored from 9-11, both from District 3 scored a 7, Finnick's tributes scored an 8 and a 9, Districts 5 and 6 scored two 4's and two 6's. This year District 7 didn't do very good, they usually are ranked pretty high for the axe skill, but the girl scraped with a 5, the boy with a 7. Cerise scored a 6 and Xavier scored a 7. Moderate scores, not bad but not good. District 9, 10 and 11's scores ranged from 6-8 and finally District 12's tributes both scored 3's. Sometimes I really did feel bad for Haymitch. The games began tomorrow and Finnick had already told me to drop by his so we could watch our tributes die. Nice, relaxing day, right?

***
I'm very excited to write the next chapter 💕
Hope you enjoyed.
Rosabella xx