I Want What I Can't Have

70th Hunger Games

As the years went by Finnick and I spent a lot of time with each other. We'd call each other whenever we needed to, most of the time it was in the middle of the night. Even over the phone Finnick's voice calmed me after nightmares. Sometimes he'd come down to District 8 but mostly I came up to 4. I came up to District 4 a lot. It was a nice place to sit and clear your head, as you watched the waves lap the shore almost hungrily. I spent so much time with Finnick on the beaches of 4, thinking about all sorts of things, good and bad. That's when I grew to love him I think. I never swooned over his like the other girls, never wanted to marry him and never kissed his picture. But I knew him from the inside. I knew his as my Finnick, the one who likes sugar cubes and can swim really well. The one who cracks terrible jokes and laughs at them. The one who comforts me no matter where I am or what happened. I didn't think of him as the Finnick Odair, athletic, hot and good in bed. Every piece of my heart was slowly dedicating itself to love Finnick and I couldn't understand why. My mum always said that love just comes into your life, you don't expect it or necessarily want it but you'll know. And I definitely knew I was in love with Finnick Odair. I never told him for the same reason no best friends admit feelings for each other. The fear of loosing what we already had. But I remember the night I fell in love with him very clearly.

I grabbed the phone and dialled Finnick. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. He wasn't picking up. Four rings. Five rings. Six. No answer. I slowly let a few tears slip down my face.

"Come on," I wheezed, "I need you."

By the tenth ring the phone disconnected and told me to try again. I just slumped down in a heap and sobbed until exhaustion took hold and I fell asleep.

When I next awoke wasn't on the floor but laid in my bed. The duvet up to my chin. Confused, I got up. Maybe it was all just a bad dream. I walked downstairs and almost passed out when I saw Finnick standing in my kitchen.

"Flaire!" He exclaimed swooping me into his arms.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, "I called you last night."

"I was on my way here and I found you on the floor when I arrived, I took you up to bed," he explained.

"So it wasn't a dream," I said quietly.

He shook his head numbly.

"Im really glad you're here," I said quietly falling back into an embrace with him.

"I'm glad I'm here too," he whispered into my hair.

And from then on I knew I was in love.

***
We were both mentors now but when we weren't mentoring, watching the games or trying to get sponsors, we enjoyed time together. It had been two years since my games but it felt like it was yesterday. Today was the day we met the tributes for the 70th games. Last year Gaius Flamsteed from district one was a victor. No surprise there, a career winning. The only part about today I was excited about was seeing Amaryllis and Clo. I missed them both so much and longed for some familiar faces. I hadn't seen them since they dropped me back off at district 8 after Snow murdered my family. I stepped onto the train into a carriage and slowly made my way towards where my tributes were. I looked through the glass seeing a boy and a girl sitting there. They looked so pure, so beautiful, so innocent. I hadn't gone to reaping this year, because I was 'ill'. Actually I just didn't want to attend. I didn't want to see the purity and innocence of children being crushed so I remained at home. I'd be meeting the two for the first time here and now.

"Flaire! Darling!" Clo cried as she saw me, bringing me into a big hug, "don't you look dishevelled."

"What can I say Clo?" I chuckled.