I Want What I Can't Have

76th Hunger Games

We travelled on foot for what felt like days and oh my Snow did my legs ache. Every night, when we finally got a moments rest I couldn't close my eyes as my feet hurt so badly. I usually slept in Finnick's arms or him in mine but occasionally our watch shift wouldn't land together so one of us would curl up with Johanna. Lots of the places we trekked across were more or less rubble and stone from where all the fighting had been and gone. I was still annoyed we got none of the action. I think a lot of the squad hated me anyway, so I decided not to bring it up again.

"I've never seen this place so empty," Katniss murmured.

"Just keep your eyes open," Boggs said as the holo began to beep.

Finnick put his arm around me and gave me a kiss on the nose as the holo's beeping grew faster and louder.

"We've got a pod, let's take cover," Boggs ordered.

We all jogged behind a oddly constructed sculpture as Boggs told Katniss to shoot between the two buildings. She readied her bow and arrow as the film crew gathered around her to get a good shot. I rolled my eyes, hope the camera caught that one. It was even getting on Katniss's nerves at this point, I could see as Cressida was talking to Pollux that she lowered her bow in annoyance. She eventually shot and the movement triggered the trap of flames that burst into vision. I squeezed Finnick's hand tighter. What would be of us if we didn't have the holo...

***
"I don't think we're going to make it across this minefield," I heard Gale say, "not without the holo."

"Well we're not going to get it off him whilst he's awake," Katniss murmured back.

"Let's make sure we're on the same watch tonight," he replied.

"You're leaving?" I questioned taking a seat beside Katniss, "why?"

"It's better that way," she sighed.

"Take me with you, please," I begged.

"But if we take you we'll have to take you're boyfriend and Johanna, five people are much more noticeable than two," Gale said.

"But better if we're together," I began, "we were in the arena together as a team..."

"I know Flaire, but I just... it's complicated," she breathed.

I nodded, "I'll cover for you two and I won't tell Finn and Jo until you've gone."

"Thank you," Katniss breathed, wrapping her arms around me, "I might not get a chance to say this tonight so if I never see you again know that-"

"Shut up you'll see me and I'll see you," I said stopping her, "this isn't goodbye."

Interrupting us was the sound of a car or some sort of vehicle. Through the murmurings of the squad they were worried it was peacekeepers.

"Stand down everyone," Jackson said, "it's friendly."

Still the whole of the squad gathered outside and watched this dark vehicle approach us like it was some nuclear weapon or something. To my shock Peeta Mellark walked out of the car, two people by his side, holding him almost captive. He was murmuring something and I couldn't tell what it was. All of a sudden I noticed Katniss drawing her bow and arrow. Out of immediate instinct I knocked it to the ground.

"Okay stop!" Gale said harshly.

"You weren't actually going to do that," I said to Katniss.

She ignored me.

"Hold up," Finnick said, stepping in, "everyone relax."

"What are we doing?" Gale asked.

"Jackson cuff him," Boggs said dismissively as he walked back to our shelter.

The lieutenant slowly walked up to Peeta handcuffs in her hand, ready to out on the poor thing.

"No," I said.

"What?" Boggs replied, turning around.

"No he will not be cuffed," I spat.

"I am your commander," he yelled, "and if you didn't already know he almost killed Katniss once already."

"You're just as bad as Snow," I shouted, "treating people like animals!"

"Calm down sweetheart," Finnick said slowly.

"No! Don't tell me to calm down," I replied, my tone still loud and firm, "none of you have any idea what he's been through."

"I do," Johanna shrugged, "it's a lot."

"Don't cuff him," I said, breathing heavily.

"Unless you want to be sent back to 13, you need to learn your place missy!" Boggs countered.

"Don't bullshit me," I growled, "I know what I'm talking about and you know it."

"Cuff him," Boggs said.

***
"They want us to add him to the propo, to show that he'd on our side now," Boggs explained, "we'll move forward a few blocks tomorrow and shoot the footage."

"That'll be lovely for the rebels to see," I laughed, "there own Peeta Mellark, cuffed and tied up. Great image."

"Miss Lockshot, there's only so much patience a man can have," Boggs said.

"There's also so much pain a man can take," I shrugged.

"He's not in control of himself," Gale argued.

"I say we schedule an around the clock to watch him," Jackson proposed.

"Perfect idea," I smiled sarcastically, "cause him to feel like he's being monitored twenty four seven, are you going to watch him piss too?"

"Oh my lord I'm going to kill her," Boggs muttered under his breath.

"Give me a watch," Katniss said suddenly.

"And if it really came down to it do you think you'd be able to shoot him?" Jackson asked.

"I wouldn't be shooting Peeta," she replied, "I'd be killing a Capitol mutt."

"Shooting?" I yelled, "shooting!"

"Love-" Finnick began.

"No, shut up," I snapped, "what the actual fuck? You would shoot him?"

"If he's out of control," Gale shrugged.

"That's the problem," Johanna said, "if he's ever going to be in control we have to let him. Not fucking tie him up like a dog on a lead and consider shooting him. Hey and let's be real the only reason Hawthorne fancies it is because if Peeta's out the way he'll get Katniss all to himself."

"You are sick and twisted," Gale shouted, "both of you."

"More sick and twisted than shooting one of our fucking own?" I spat.

"Put Katniss in the rotation," Boggs said.

***
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