I Want What I Can't Have

Testing

"What if I don't do well?" I said, "what of all that training was for nothing?"

"Calm down hun," Finnick soothed, "you'll do fine."

"What if I forget how to throw a knife!" I exclaimed.

"You won't," he said, "don't stress."

"Easy for you to say," I scoffed, "your physically fit and skilled at everything."

"So are you," he shrugged.

"No! I'm not!" I yelled.

"Will Gale Hawthorne please enter for individual assessment."

The whole room fell into a deadly silence as we watched the man walk through the large metal doors. It had begun and there was no escaping.

***
People after people were going in and coming out. Many came out as pale as ghosts or on stretchers others telling horrible stories of what was actually in the room and the sights that they saw

"Oh Finn, they're saying horrible things," I said, my anxiety getting worse, "what if they throw something at me that I can't face."

"You'll be able to love," he whispered, "you can do it all."

"Will Johanna Mason please report for individual assessment."

We look at each other until the doors separated us and away she went from the world. Finnick put his arms around me and whispered sweet nothings into my ear until I had stopped shaking. Katniss came to us in an attempt to calm me down and so did Gale.

"It's not as bad as they're saying," he said, "I promise. Look, I'm fine."

"Don't worry Flaire, you're one of the best here," Katniss said.

"See," Finnick murmured, "you'll be fine. Just breathe sweetheart, okay breathe and just keep breathing."

I whipped my head around at the sound of the metal doors opening. A crowd built around the entrance. Johanna. I immediately rushed over to make sure she was alright. Pushing many people to the ground as well as the medics I got to her.

"Water," she gasped, holding her chest, "they nearly drowned me."

"It's okay Jo," I whispered, "you're okay."

"We're going to have to take her to the hospital," the medics said, "you can't come unless you want to miss this."

Shit. I nodded and slowly retreated back to Finnick.

"What happened?" He asked.

"They used her fucking phobia of water against her! Do they understand how much trauma she went through? This goes to the point where she can't wash with water!" I ranted, "and it's just okay to spring that upon her."

"I know, I know," Finnick said softly.

"Flaire," Katniss said under her breath so only I could hear, "I'm going now."

I nodded and watched her as she disappeared behind the doors. She was leaving. Johanna had really out a fire inside of her, her spirit was back. I could tell by the way she acted now. Yanking me from my thoughts was the loud speakers:

"Will Flaire Lockshot please report for individual assessment."

Oh shit.

***
I walked through the metal doors, not letting my eyes leave Finnick's until the doors shut. The room was much bigger than I'd ever imagined. Making me jump Coin appeared by my side only she looked.... 2D. I reached out to touch her and found her to be a hologram. This thing was a simulator.

"Hello Flaire," she said, "you worked out I'm fake then. I'm talking from my office. You're mission today will be a rooftop mission."

"No," I said.

"What?"

"No." I repeated.

"Why?"

"Because I have a fucking phobia of heights! And you can't use people's phobias against them!"

"Oh so the fearless Flaire Lockshot is afraid of heights?" Coin taunted.

"I may be afraid of heights but I can make a bet that you are scared of everyone here. You're scared of their worth. You're scared that you are losing you power. You are scared to go on any mission. You are a coward. I don't see you risking yourself to save anyone, so no, no I can't do this mission, unless you want more blood on your hands."

"If you don't go then you won't be allowed to fight for this rebellion," she challenged.

"Woah! Hang on!" I heard Haymitch say in the background.

"No Haymitch I make the decisions," the woman snapped.

"You are a bitch," I spat, "the mission will fail if I go on it."

"Then that's your fault," Coin said.

"Now look here," background Haymitch said, "if she doesn't want to go, she doesn't go."

"No, she is going and that's final, if she dies because of it, it's not my problem," Coin said.

"You want this rebellion to work, you listen to the people who are fighting it for you," Haymitch said, "if she can't go on that mission she can't."

"We need her there it's one tiny part of it," Coin said rolling her eyes.

All of a sudden I felt the environment change and I came to the realisation I was in a moving hovercraft, or at least it felt like it.
We were up in the air and my anxiety was sky high....just like me. My leg was shaking uncontrollably and I was breathing heavily and fast. I closed my eyes and imagined Finnick came beside me and put his hand on my thigh until it stopped shaking.

"You're going to be fine," he said soothingly, "don't look down."

"Thats going to be hard," I murmured into him.

"You'll get through, you're strong," he reassured me.

I gave a small smile and sunk into his arms for the few moments I had to forget about what I was about to do.

"We're jumping in 10.....9...."

"We're jumping???" I asked.

"We'll go together,"

"No absolutely not," I said, "skydiving isn't a sport I intend to do."

"Close your eyes,"

"They're already closed that's how I'm seeing you!"

"3.....2..."

"We're going....NOW!!!" Finnick yelled as we both got pushed out of the hovercraft.

I felt sick.

"Activate the parachute!" Finnick yelled.

I opened my eyes and Finnick was gone. I fumbled around trying to find the lever. I hastily pulled it and a parachute appeared as I made my way to the top of the building. I was moving fast towards the place. My mind kept telling me I'd slip off of the edge or something stupid like that. I closed my eyes again and thought of Finnnick.

"We can make the landing together sweetheart," he smiled, "take my hand."

I reached out and grasped his hand and we landed gracefully on top of the building.

"Well done love," he smiled, kissing my head.

I opened my eyes and head battle cries behind me. People were jumping over rooftops to get towards me. Suddenly I came the realisation that I'd have to cross the beam that held to two skyscrapers together. What was I going to do?

***
Cliffhanger 😭😭
HAPPY HUNGER GAMES ANNIVERSARY GUYSSSSSSS 💗💗
Anyways so just to explain. Basically in the books, if I remember right they have this little 'trial' thingy to get into squad 451 and Johanna doesn't get in because her 'trail' involved water so she failed.
Thanks for reading 💗💗