I Want What I Can't Have

The Death Sentence

Numb. That's how I felt. My insides felt numb. I had watched as the only person that had showed me kindness died in front of me and then I had killed the thing he was fighting for. I could only think of his poor wife loosing her husband and kids to the Capitol. I hoped she'd join the rebels and finally get justice. But that wasn't changing anything. I didn't talk for a while. My mouth was bone dry anyway.

"What's wrong?" Johanna asked as I'd gotten back.

"The peacekeeper," I croaked, my throat so sore.

Johanna wore a look of shock. I assumed she was surprised to come to the revelation Leo was actually nice, he was killed after all. Killed. That word was so haunting.

"Where's Peeta?" I asked, suddenly noticing his absence.

"They've taken him three times since you've been gone," she murmured.

"Holy shit," I said.

"They're really fucking his mind up, it's all twisted," she huffed.

"I hate them," I said.

"How many times have we said that?" She chuckled.

"Who knows," I shrugged.

"Did they just.... Kill him?" She asked.

"Put him in a tank of water and made me watch him drown," I said, "and then I was forced to murder his kids. But it's all so vivid."

"Christ Flaire," she said, gasping slightly.

"That was the only reason he was here and now that's gone too," I said, starting to get tearful.

"At least they're all together now," she said.

I know it was meant to be comfort but it didn't help at all. It only made me feel worse. We slowly fell into a comfortable silence before I felt I had to ask her a question.

"What about you?" I asked, "did they take you?"

She nodded, "once in the early hours. It hurt."

"I think people are getting bored of these to words but I'm sorry,"  I said.

"They're coming, the rebels," Johanna said, "I can feel it, I know."

"Jo, you are a bit too optimistic, we've been here for ages," I sighed.

"Believe me Flaire, when I say I can feel it," she said. Her blue eyes spoke volumes. She was serious.

"Do you think they'll take me," came Enobaria's voice.

Johanna shrugged and I said, "they won't leave you here, don't worry."

Then Peeta was brought in. I noticed his rapid drop in weight and the purple bruise forming around his eye as well as the dark circles forming under them both. His every limb was shaking in the most horrible manor and he struggled to sit back onto the floor. My immediate thought wanted to go to him and hold him close and tell him it'd be okay, but the peacekeeper remained at the doorway giving me a strange look in which I returned. He finally left and I went as close to Peeta as possible.

"Are you alright?" I asked him.

"Don't worry about me," he said quietly, "what about you? You were gone for a while."

"You just come out from the most gruelling torture session and you ask about me," I said, tearing up for what seemed like the millionth time today, "you are too pure for this world Peeta Mellark. Too pure."

"Thank you," he said.

Just everything about him melted my heart. He was so naturally kind and he was so perfect and so in love. And Snow took it all away. I started to cry suddenly and I felt so vulnerable. Peeta reached a bony hand through the bars and touched my shoulder.

"I'm not worth crying over," he whispered.

"Believe me, you definitely are," I sniffed.

"What do you remember Peeta?" Jo asked, "about District 12 and Katniss..."

"It's all so messed up. One minute it's like I know who she is and the next it all changes," he said.

"Do you still love her?" I asked him.

"Great question," Johanna remarked, the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Well what else do I ask smart arse?" I snapped back, she only chuckled in return.

"I don't know," he sighed, "parts of me do but parts of me don't."

"What part feels more true," I said.

"We aren't in a novel," Johanna laughed.

"Shut up and quit being a bitch," I said rolling my eyes, "Peeta?"

"I don't know...sorry," he shrugged.

"That's okay... don't worry," I smiled, "how do you feel?"

"My head hurts," he murmured, "I'm tired."

I could see his face growing paler and paler by the second. I thought he was going to pass out. And within five seconds, he did.

"What do we do?" I asked looking to Johanna.

"What can we do?" She replied.

Interrupting us was the loud beep of the speaker coming on. My heart dropped as Snow's voice suddenly rang out through it.

"I want her dead," he said, "she needs to die."

"Sir... the microphone," a voice said.

A small gasp was heard before Snow's voice continued, "yes I'm talking to you Flaire."

I looked at Jo. My eyes full of fear, "what do I do?"

"I don't know," she said, suddenly looking panicked, a state I'd never seen her in before.

"I'm going to die," I said, my eyes welling up and a lump growing in my throat.

"No your not," Enobaria snapped, "we won't let it happen. Flaire-"

Cutting her off, four peacekeepers ran in and pinned me to the floor. I screamed and thrashed against their strength but I couldn't move. My body was weak against the four men that had me confined to the floor.

"NO!" Johanna screamed, "NO!"

"Please! Leave her!" Enobaria called.

"You lot want more torture?" One shouted, "these are Snow's orders."

"Please," I sobbed, "please don't kill me."

I watched as the peacekeeper that was on my right side's eyes softened. He then was slapped by the other peacekeeper and his face grew stern again.

"I don't want to die," I said the tears pouring down my face, "I'm not ready."

"We never are love," one shrugged.

"Please, you don't have to," I said, crying more and more.

I couldn't die not now. There were too many things I had left to do and say. I needed to know Peeta and Johanna got out of this place. Katniss didn't know how much I appreciated her. Finnick didn't know I loved him. Snow didn't know how much pain he'd inflicted on me. The knife at my neck. It was final. I was going to die.

***
Cliffhanger ofc 😅
U guys bored yet???
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