I Want What I Can't Have

He's Too Sweet

I sat up awake. My watch was soon, though I hadn't gotten any sleep. I sighed staring into the darkness when I all of a sudden heard Peeta's voice.

"We've been here before," he murmured.

"What?" Katniss replied.

"That look," he muttered, "I've seen that look. You're deciding whether or not you want to kill me."

"I've never wanted to kill you," She said, "and that's not what I'm doing."

"I saw it with my own eyes in the first games," he continued.

"In the first games I thought you were trying to help the Careers kill me," she said in defence, "after that I always saw you...as an ally."

"Friend, lover, victor, fiancée, enemy, target, mutt and now ally?" He said angrily, "yeah I'll add that to the list of words I use to try and figure you out."

The whole room was silent and Peeta realised what he'd just said.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I just can't tell what's real and what's made up anymore."

"Then ask," Finn said. I didn't even know he was up.

"That's what I'd do," Johanna added.

"Ask who?" Peeta replied.

"Us, we're your unit now," Jackson said, her voice gentler than before.

"You're favourite colour is green," Peeta said turning towards Katniss, "is that real?"

"Yeah, that's real," she choked, "yours is orange. Not bright orange, soft like the sunset."

"Thank you," Peeta replied, the smile evident in his voice.

"You're a painter. You're a baker. You always sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. You always double-knot your shoelaces," Katniss said, her voice was shaking, "you were right, I can't do this."

She slowly got up and walked out and my gut told me to follow her. So I did. I had to kick a few people in the shins but oh well. I watched her as she slowly sat down on a piece of rubble, running her fingers through her hair.

"You would never be able to kill him," I said sitting by her, "whether you loved him or hated him, he was yours or a Capitol mutt, because you aren't that person."

"Should I be?" She asked.

"No!" I exclaimed, "why would you want to?"

"I don't know," she murmured.

"Do you love him?" I whispered.

"I think so," she said slowly and quietly, "but it's all so different."

"Are you still running away?" I asked.

"No," she said, "I can't abandon anyone now."

***
Once Katniss was settled back and asleep I volunteered to take watch and promised not to kill anyone. Once I'd made sure they were all asleep I took a seat.

"Have you ever loved anyone?" Peeta asked me, making me jump, "sorry."

"No don't worry," I said.

"So have you?" He repeated.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"What happened?" He wondered.

"They never loved me back, not then anyway," I said.

"You told me you were in love at the tribute parade of the quater quell, real or not real?" He asked.

"Real," I smiled, "that's when we first met."

"That's something I remember clearly," he said, "And what about now?"

"We're in love," I whispered

"Who are you in love with?" He asked.

"His name Finnick Odair," I murmured, "do you remember him?"

Peeta nodded, "Was it always him?"

"Yes, it always has and always will," I replied.

"Did Katniss ever love me?" Peeta said.

"It's not for me to say," I whispered.

"Just say," he sighed, "be honest."

"I never the thought she did until I watched her with you in the quell," I explained, "I knew she loved you, everyone did. I think she was the only one who didn't."

"And now?" He asked.

"Peeta why do you think that Capitol did all of this to you?" I asked, "if Katniss didn't love you, this wouldn't effect her and the Capitol wouldn't have done it."

"What about Gale?" Peeta replied.

"She wants to be in love with him so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she let happen to you but I know that she loves you and eventually she'll realise it too," I said.

"You really think that?" He asked

I nodded.

"Are you afraid?"

"Yeah," I admitted, "I really am Peeta."

He then put his arms around me and smooshed me into a much needed hug. I wrapped my arms around him and let a few tears slide from my eyes before letting go.

"Thank you," I choked, "get some sleep yeah?"

"What about you?" Peeta said.

He was sweet. Too sweet. I remember thinking that when I first met the poor boy and now the capitol has tried to take that from him. They're stupid because that they can't.

"I'll wake someone up in a minute," I said slowly.

He nodded and laid down, his eyes closed and he was transported into sleep. I never woke anyone up though. I stayed awake for the whole night. I didn't want to sleep.

***
My eyes felt droopy and my body was stiff.

"You took watch all night?" Jackson asked.

"I wasn't tired," I shrugged.

"Well you're going to be," she tutted, like a disappointed mother.

I rolled my eyes, making sure my boots were done up properly.

"Exhausting yourself isn't helping anyone love," Finnick murmured.

"I didn't mean to yell at you yesterday," I said quietly, ignoring his previous comment.

"It's okay," he smiled, "I know."

"That's good," I smiled back as he pressed a kiss against my lips.

"Every time!" Johanna groaned, covering her eyes, "PDA people."

"Calm down love," I taunted, "it'll be you one day."

"I really hope not," she scoffed causing Finn and I to start laughing loudly.

"As a wise person once said: love is weird," Finnick smiled, "so you'll find it."

"Thanks, that makes me so hopeful," Johanna replied, the sarcasm dripping from her tone.

"Listen up!" Boggs said loudly, "the gun isn't loaded, it's just for the propo."

He handed a rather large looking gun to Peeta, who looked somewhat between a punished child and a criminal escapee who had been captured once more. I didn't like the way they treated him and I wasn't just going to sit here and get used to it.

***
Can I just say Katniss's speech... OMG IF ANYONE EVER SAID THAT TO ME I'D MARRY THEM THERE ARE THEN 🥵😍🤣
hope you guys are still enjoying 💕💕💕
PEETA MY BABYYYY 🥺🥺🥺