I Want What I Can't Have

We're Known As Dead

After being forced to abandon the Leeg sisters due to the injury on the leg that one of them had obtained so we carried on our journey. I was tired and aching all over. Johanna and I leant on one another, for support and I just watched Finnick with Peeta, fearing his life. We came together to stay in an abandoned building as we watched the peacekeepers arrive. They shot at the building we had just been in and where the Leegs were. They shot back killing a few. Then they set off the bomb. I closed my eyes and walked away, we'd lost them. Making me jump was the sudden outburst of the Capitol music rang loudly, echoing through the hollow walls.

"Good afternoon. I'm Caesar Flickerman," said the annoying man, "here with our continuing coverage of the defence of The Capitol. Today as our Peacekeepers valiantly hold off the rebels, our story takes a surprising twist."

"Oh fuck off!" Johanna yelled, as if the screen could hear her.

"Katniss Everdeen, our once favourite daughter has infiltrated the city with some of the victors, whose names are all two familiar," Caesar explained as we came onto the screen, "Finnick Odair, Johanna Mason, Flaire Lockshot and Peeta Mellark!"

Great. Just great!

"Hmmm, clearly some alliances don't last forever," Caesar said, showing the clip of Peeta throwing a squad member into the oil.

I watched Katniss as she looked at Peeta, pain in his eyes, as he watched himself commit murder. Part of me wanted to walk over to him and take all the pain out of him. But I couldn't do that, so I remained where I stood.

"Take a moment to look what just happened mere moments ago when our peacekeepers cornered Katniss Everdeen and her band of foolish rebels. Whatever violence brought this treacherous girl back to us, you are about to witness a great victory. Not only for the Capitol but for all of Panem."

The footage of the Leeg sister's building getting blown up was then shown and we all looked down. Until a voice was heard laughing hysterically. Of course, it was Johanna.

"What do you find so hilarious Mason?" Jackson tutted.

"Isn't it funny how that fucking fraud of a man was once talking to us like we were friends and now he's celebrating our death on National TV," she smiled.

No one answered.

"So there you have it folks," Caesar sighed, "Katniss, a girl who caused so much violence, has met a rather violent end herself."

"This is fucking perfect," Johanna laughed, holding her stomach as she wheezed.

"Yeah, but what do we do now we're dead?" Gale asked, clearly irritated by her, not that she cared.

"Isn't it obvious?" Peeta spoke up, "the next move is to kill me."

"No," I snapped.

"I murdered one of our squad members," he murmured, "Katniss is right. I'm a mutt. And it's only a matter of time before I snap again. I'm not in control."

"But Peeta..." I began.

"NO!" He yelled, "don't help me. I'm not worth any of it. I need a Nightlock pill, so I can die when I need to."

"No Peeta you listen to me," I said raising my voice, "Snow. President fucking Snow made you into something you are not, something you could never be. You are Peeta Mellark and you are the sweetest, kindest person I have ever met. You love people in a way I didn't even know was possible. You will not die because of something Snow did because then you are giving in to him. After you do that he's won, no matter what. You're gone and Katniss will be affected no matter whether she wants to or not. So you better stay right here and don't think for one second you need to die."

***
We sat around in a semi circle passing around various bits of food to gnaw on. I wasn't feeling hungry so declined every piece I was offered, much to Finnick's distaste.

"Eat," Finn murmured, handing me something.

"I don't want it," I replied.

"Starving yourself isn't going to help," he said.

"I'll only throw it back up, it'll be a waste," I shrugged.

"Are you ill?" He asked worriedly.

I shook me head, "just not hungry."

"Please Flaire," he murmured, "you've been so distant with me since you got back..."

"Oh I'm sorry," I hissed, "sorry I haven't been showing you affection every moment of the day, but I don't know if it occurred to you we're in the middle of a war here!"

"That's not what I meant," he sighed, "it's just..."

"Just what Finnick?" I snapped, "you wanna know what I really think? I think none of us are making this out alive."

"Why? Why can't we?" He yelled back.

"This is all useless, Snow always wins!" I hissed.

"Then I can clearly see the amount of faith you have in this mission," he said, "why are you here if you don't think it'll change anything?"

"I don't know!" I shouted.

"Woah, the lovebirds get into a fight. This is a first!" Johanna laughed.

"Shut up Johanna!" We said in sync, making her grin grow wider.

"Look Finnick, you want us to be all happy and have a wedding, well shove that shit right back where it came from because it's not happening," I spat.

I watched as the light left his eyes and immediately regretted it all. Why was I being like this?

"I'm sorry Finn," I said, trying not to cry, "I'm just scared and I need you more than ever. And don't listen to any of what I said before. I was just being horrible."

"Come here," he said, opening his arms, "I'm sorry too. But we're going to be okay, and we will get through this."

Immediately I snuggled into them and inhaled his scent. That beautiful, beautiful scent. My body immediately felt ten times more relaxed and I got butterflies as he kissed my head.

"I love you so much," I whispered, "never forgot."

"I love you so much more," he smiled back, kissing me again.

***
I haven't updated in a while 😭😭
I LOVE WRITING CUTE SCENESSSS 😍😍😍
Thanks for reading xx