I Want What I Can't Have

The Meeting

I awoke before everyone else in the early hours of the morning and found myself unable to sleep. Carefully and quietly I got dressed and slipped out of the room, wandering the halls.

"Flaire?"

I spun around and smile, "Katniss!"

"I didn't expect anyone to be up this early," she said.

"I can't sleep," I shrugged.

"You wouldn't be the only one," she sighed.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"I don't know anymore..." she trailed off.

"That's okay, I don't think any of us really do," I replied.

"I'm going to see Snow today," she told me.

She didn't know about the meeting.

"Oh," I murmured, "good luck."

"I think I might need it," she smiled, rubbing her hands on her trousers.

***
Once Katniss had left for Snow more and more people started to wake up and I wasn't so alone. I went and ate with everyone and before I knew it so much time had passed. I decided to make myself look somewhat presentable for this occasion, so washed and dried my hair and out on some fresher, nicer clothes. We were all called to meet at a meeting point with Coin.

"I really don't want to go," I murmured to Finnick, "I've got a bad feeling."

"I know sweetheart but we just have to make it through this and then... we're free," he whispered.

***
Most were already there, only Johanna was missing. I was surprised to see Plutarch there. Finnick and I walked in and took our seats, brief chatter going on around us. Coin's eyes caught mine and narrowed at my presence, I shot her a dirty look. Katniss suddenly walked in.

"What's this?" Katniss asked.

"The remaining Victors, won't you join us?" Coin grinned.

Sat around a large table was myself, Johanna, Finnick, Haymitch, Peeta, Beetee and Plutarch, strictly he wasn't a victor but was still here anyway.

"I have invited you all here for several reasons," Coin explained, "but first I have an announcement. I am taking the burden and honour of declaring myself Interim President of Panem-"

"This is bullshit!" I yelled, banging the table and standing up.

Haymitch's sniggered echoed through the room, Coin stared right through my soul.

"Breathe sweetheart," Finnick muttered,

"Don't tell me what to do," I snapped.

"Interim? How exactly long is this interim?" Haymitch asked.

"We have no way of knowing for certain," Coin said, a smile playing on her crust-ridden lips.

"You don't do you?" I sneered

"But it's clear people are far to emotional right now to make a rational decision," she continued, ignoring me, "we'll plan an election later down the line-"

"Emotional? Emotional?" I scoffed, "people are dead and dying and sick and you can't just sit there acting like the high and mighty priest. This is exactly what we all thought would happen after Snow died. You are just his shadow. You'll do exactly what he did and worse-"

"Flaire if you do not calm your temper then I will have you removed from this room. I have called you all here for a far more important vote, a symbolic vote," Coin said, "and Flaire, I need your input."

"If I disagree with what you won't I don't think my input will be as valuable," I replied.

"This afternoon, we will execute Snow, hundreds of his accomplices also await their deaths. Capitol officers, peacekeepers, torturers, game makers..."

I thought of Leo. Not everyone serving Snow wanted to.

"The danger is once we begin the rebels will not stop calling for redistribution. Thirst for blood is a difficult urge to satisfy," she said, "so I offer an alternative plan. A majority of four may approve, no one may abstain. The proposal is this: in lieu of these barbaric executions, we hold a symbolic Hunger Games."

Haymitch put his drink down, Katniss stared at Coin numbly and Johanna began to giggle. Her laughter bouncing from wall to wall. I didn't get it.

"You wanna have another Hunger Games with the Capitol's children?" she grinned.

What now?

"You're joking," Peeta said.

"Not in the slightest," Coin smiled.

"Is this Plutarch's idea?" Haymitch snapped.

"It was mine," she replied, "it balances the need for revenge with the least loos of human life. You may cast your votes."

"No," Peeta said, almost immediately, "no, obviously not, this is crazy."

"You know I think it's more than fair," Johanna said, cutting in, "Snow's got a granddaughter, I say yes."

"So do I," Enobaria said, "let them have a taste of their own medicine."

"You guys, this way of thinking is what started these uprisings," Peeta pointed out.

"I vote no with Peeta," Plutarch said, "I'm sorry Alma but we're playing with fire here."

"I also vote no, if Wiress were here she'd agree," Beetee said.

"Well she's not!" I snapped, "because Snow killed her."

"No-"

"Even if she were here, she'd have no clue what she was saying anyway," Johanna scoffed.

"Stop," he said, "we need to stop viewing each other as enemies."

"The only enemy here is Snow," I replied.

"Then what's your vote?" Peeta asked.

"As much as I hate to say it," I breathed, "I vote yes."

"You're joking right?" Finnick scoffed, standing up.

"No I'm not," I said, "All we went through. The pain, the trauma, the sleepless nights, the tears. Finnick I'm done with it."

"And you wanna put other kids through that?" he asked, "we're as bad as him then."

"You don't get it," I said.

"I do!" He pressed on.

"Save this for later," I rolled my eyes, "I don't want to argue in front of people."

He stared at me. His eyes burning hole into my skull. We took out seats, not breaking eye contact. Tension was in the air and no one dare speak. I looked away from him but could still feel his angry stare on the back of my neck.

"It's down to Katniss and Haymitch now," Coin murmured.

"I get to kill Snow." Katniss said, the words hard and cold.

"I expected no less of you," Coin replied.

"Then I vote yes," she said, "for Prim."

"Haymitch?"

There was a long silence. I could hear my own heart beat in my ears.

"I'm with the mockingjay," he said.

"That carries the vote," she smiled, "excellent. We'll announce the Games tonight after the execution."

***
Sorry for spelling mistakes 😭
I'm trying to update more regularly again
Hope you're enjoying ❤️❤️