I Want What I Can't Have

Baby Steps

It was everything I had ever wanted, everything I'd ever dreamed but in reality. Finnick was mine and I was his. Most of the time I didn't leave his side. I held his hand wherever we went and laid my head on his chest when we went to sleep. I loved it when he pressed a kiss on my forehead or my cheek or randomly hugged me. My heart warmed every second I was with him. The doctors and therapists could see my improvement in health, so much so I had a room to myself with Finnick. I only had to get check-ups once a fortnight and I was able to sit and eat with the rest of thirteen. I was required to wear the dull uniform but I didn't mind. Today was the day my meeting with the President had been scheduled. I was not excited.

"Please. Try. At least try and be civil," Finnick said as we walked together.

"Why should I?" I asked, "I don't like her."

"Flaire this is important," he groaned, "she has the power. Just be nice."

"Not my strong suit," I shrugged.

Finnick only rolled his eyes as a smile danced across his lips. He found it just about as amusing as everyone else did that Coin and I hated one another.

"What I'm saying is there's going to be more than just you and her there so be careful," he said as we reached the door, "ready?"

"Ready." I smiled.

We walked in together and I saw that Katniss was already there as well as an officer I didn't recognise as well as Beetee and Gale. Plutarch of course sat there with a big grin on his face and at the top of the table sat Coin.

"Welcome," she said to us, "we're waiting on Haymitch and Johanna."

"Johanna?" Katniss asked.

"She requested she had to come," the woman sighed, "take a seat."

Me and Finnick took the two spare next to Katniss.

"Hello I am lieutenant Boggs," the man said shaking both of our hands.

"Hello," Finnick replied, "I'm Finnick and this is..."

"Flaire," the man interrupted, "I've known who the two of you were for a while."

I couldn't tell if that was creepy but I ruled it out as un-creepy because he seemed like a nice dude. Suddenly Johanna burst in the door, strutting her way to a seat in between Gale and Boggs.

"Better late than never right?" She laughed, "we haven't started right?"

"No we're still waiting on Haymitch," Beetee sighed.

"Well then wait no more," came his familiar voice.

I looked up as the man took the only seat left next to Beetee and opposite me. He looked sober. I raised my eyebrow at him and he gave a nod. He was sober. I, in the weirdest of ways, had a sense of pride for the man. I mean he was trying at least.

"Well I'm very glad you could all make it today," Coin smiled, "we are here to speak about the upcoming war and the preparations we need to make. Plutarch?"

"Yes so we want people such as yourselves to start training," Plutarch continued, "you may already know that Beetee has devised personal weapons for you all to use. Katniss has her bows, Finnick his trident, Gale his crossbow, Johanna there's an axe waiting whenever you feel ready and some throwing knives for you Flaire."

"So what essentially are we doing?" I asked, "just preparing?"

"For now," Coin said, "we wouldn't want to dry up our chances before we've ever started."

"Dry chances! The only thing dryer than your personality is the bread you serve" I said.

Haymitch snickered in the corner, he got my jokes better when he was sober.

"I run a successful institution-" Coin began

"Yeah yeah and you're like the holy Jesus we get it," I sighed, "but we're here for her... not for you."

I could hear Johanna and Finnick giggling like school children behind me but that didn't stop me as I indicated at Katniss and then back to her.

"Are you not meant to be in the hospital due to the trauma you faced in the mansion?" she asked.

"Yes but I over came it with something more traumatising whilst I was here that basically cured me," I shrugged.

"And what was that?"

"You."

More laughing.

"You know I could have you killed?" She said,

"You won't do that," I smirked.

"And why's that?" She asked.

"You need me," I smiled, "and they won't let you."

"Should we put that to the test?" Coin growled.

"I don't think you want to do that," Finnick said giving her a stern look.

"You touch her, you die," Johanna said, "the rebellion doesn't need you. It needs Katniss."

***
I stepped into the shower and dried my body. It felt good to finally be clean again. I threw the ugly grey jumpsuit on and walked out of the bathroom with my hair still wet. Making me jump was the sight of thick red blood in my hair. I wanted to gag, the scent was to strong. It only then occurred to me that I had no idea where this blood was coming from. My whole body went into panic mode as I felt around my head for the source. When I couldn't find it I sprinted to the bathroom to look in the mirror but nothing was there. No blood, nothing was in my hair. I walked back out again tentatively touching my hair.

"Flaire?" Finnick said quietly.

"Yeah," I said, snapping my head up.

"You look pale, what's up?" He asked.

"It's nothing Finn, don't worry," I shrugged, "let's just go and eat."

***
"So what was up with you earlier?" Finnick asked.

I glared at him.

He shrugged, "you knew I was going to ask."

"I saw blood in my hair," I said.

"Blood?"

I nodded, "probably hallucinating though."

Finnick sighed.

"I'm not okay anymore and neither are you, you can talk to me," I said quoting him.

"I just don't want to loose anything else," he choked

"Finnick is okay," I murmured, "you're safe and I'm safe and after all of this we're all going to be okay."

And then he buried his face into my chest and sobbed. I held his close, playing with his hair and rubbing his back softly, until eventually we fell asleep beside each other.

***
COIN 🤣🤣🤣 I CANT
finnick and flaire though...🥺🥺🥺
MY BABBIIIEEESSSS ❤️❤️❤️❤️
(Also just thought I'd say I always thought that Johanna needed to be way more involved in the rebellion so in my book she's going to be super involved. I always hated how her character was like down-graded to a background girl when she was such a powerful figure in Catching Fire. If you guys don't agree I'm sorry 😅😅)