Random Smut Oneshots 😩😩😩

elf on da shelf x reader

howdy yall

merry crimas (this was written and intended to be published on Christmas. I'm 33 minutes too late. aw shucks)

hope yall r having a good holiday szn :)

I suppose I should update since it's been forever 😨

well like ive been very stressed and depressed and it was my birthday and then my fish died and THEN my dog died so

goofy life fr.

ok ill shut up

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2nd person pov I think? idk povs tbh I hate language class
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Christmas time.

what a wonderful time of the year.

even better when you have your local elf on the shelf blowing your back out christmas night.

woah woah woah woah let's back up here-

twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house.

not a creature was stirring-

except you, playing fortnite and talking to "fedora man #6282" on discord in your best uwu voice.

is it utterly degrading and embarassing? yes.

but does he give you attention and large sums of money, even if it means you get called kitten? also yes.

honestly slay girlypop u rlly finessing these men

anyways- an intense round of trios was happening, but you got hungry (for cock jk lol) and decided to go down stairs for a snack.

as you were walking into the kitchen, you see a life sized elf on the shelf sneaking around-

"holy shit bro wtf who r u" u say, because wjat the actual fuck

"wawawahawahat oops sorry bb- I'm your elf on the shelf! you weren't supposed to see me like this :(" he said, while doing those hands guesters? geusters? geusstsr ss? (idk how to spell it) that cosplayers do.

goofy guy

as silly as he was, he was undeniably so goddamn attractive.

like there was already a pool of arousal in ur pants.

like you were getting all hot n bothered.

you were thinking about all the ways you'd suck his dick and draw all the little moans and whimpers outta him

you just wanted to whisper in his ear, telling him how much of a good boy he was

you wanted to peg him

you wanted to drag your hands around every inch of his body.

you wanted to fucking mount him and start riding him like a goddamn stallion.

you wanted to bounce on his dick like a fucking bouncy house. fuckin "boing boing boing" on his lil candy cane

you were fuckin PANTING just at the thought of this.

he could see your thoughts running wild, and smirked to himself

he slowly walked up to you, getting your attention.

"hey my precious sugar plum, I know how you're thinking of me. I watch you every night, playing with your pink, plump, perfect little pussy hoping for some man to cure ur urges. I'll help you"

you wasted no time dragging him to your room and passionately kissing him.

you start to take off his clothes, as well as your own, much like an excited kid unwrapping a present come Christmas morning.

but you left his hat on because it made him look like a twink

you start slowly grinding on him, feeling his rather large meatstick inside his pants.

"come on my snowflake, get on your knees and suck my goddamn dick"

you did as you were told, getting down and sucking his penis.

it was a nice shade of pink. a little blushed due to arousal, and very veiny. it was around 7.5 inches fully erect, and there was a small stubble on his sacks of goodness. not enough to itch, but just enough to cushion your chin for when you deeprhroat.

you keep giving the the gawk gawk until he pulled you away and sprayed his frosting all over your face.

"aww my little gingerbread whore got painted with my frosting, how cute. but i want to stuff you as full as santas sleigh right fucking now so get on the bed like a good whore"

you comply, speadong yourself open for him as help sauntered over to you.

he then took out a jumbo candy cane- a real one, not just a metaphor for his dick- and teased your hardened nipples with it before shoving it into your cookie

holy moly the peppermint burned the inside.

like it felt so painful

as you were getting blasted with a candy cane, the elf was passionately kissing up and down ur neck.

when he was done with the candy cane, he then slowly stuck his own candy cane- this time an actual metaphor for his peepnis- in your vagina and starting blowing your back out.

he started out in a really fast pace- like lowkey jackrabbit pace- and mentioned somethin about "the magic of Christmas and very large amounts of cocaine" giving him the energy to that fast

"ugwhbdjejnfmmkendmdnenekksks mommy I'm close" he said, about 1 minute into fucking you.

you weren't even close, but he was already cumming by the time you processed it.

hey ig we can't all last long.

but he came inside you, filling you up with his special snow

you never finished, but he laid down next to you and cuddled you into the Christmas night.

you ended up also sorting a bit of cocaone off his dick later but that's a story for a different day.

what really matters is that you got the best Christmas present of all- the loving touch of a man. (a/n: something I bet u readers have never gotten LMAO SKILL ISSUE L FOR REAL)

(a/n: tf u talking about author u havent either)

ok that's the end.

epilouge time tho:

the next morning, you woke up in an empty bed.

with christmas magic in the air, you arose and went downstairs to see all the wonderful presents santa brought you.

you stop dead in your tracks, noticing someone wearing the exact elf costume you ripped off the man you fucked last night.

"S-step bro?"

____!_!_@_@_&&*× end.

that was bad and written terribly but who cares (I do. way too much)

ok yall happy Christmas

or happy holidays if u are something that celebrates other things.

tell me what u got for Christmas or something idk

have a nice night.

don't die.

:)

I'll start updating more hopefully so don't worry you'll see more of me soon.

ok now bye. *kiss kiss*

don't let krampus get u