Sons. [Completed]

-Sixteen-

I don't remember making it back to the clubhouse, or even them putting me to bed. But I could tell I had been out for awhile.

I was carefully tucked into the dorm bed. Someone had changed me into a shirt and some sleep pants from my house.

My eyes opened fully, and I had never been more thankful to wake up at the club. I slowly got out of bed, my entire body was incredibly sore.

After I went to the restroom, I walked out to where the bar was. My wrists and forearms were severely bruised, and it hurt to even look at.

I looked like a mess. And I didn't care.

When I walked out, all conversations stopped. The guys looked really exhausted, but happy to see me awake.

Jax was the first to come hug me. He wrapped his arms around my head, and pulled me in close. He kissed the top of my head, and I embraced his warmth.

Chibs was next. He muttered an incoherent apology, which almost made me smile.

Clay, Kip, Gemma, Opie, Tig, even Happy, all gave me big hugs.

But he wasn't there.

"Where's...?" I asked looking around.

"He had to get your medicine. He'll be back soon. I promise. But we need to get you back to bed." Jax said, taking my hand and leading me back to the dorm.

Once I was back in bed, Jax sat at the edge to talk to me.

"I'm really sorry how I reacted with the Juice thing. You're my girl. And I guess I just didn't think that you saw anyone like that. Or at least maybe me. I'm a jealous man, and I thought you were mine. But Juice is a great guy. Super loyal, and I think he'll treat you right. But if he doesn't, I'll be the first person to take care of it." He explained.

"I love you, Jax." I said, taking his hand. "And I will always be your girl."

"Get some rest." He said, leaning over and kissing my forehead. "I'll send in Juice when he gets back."

"Thanks." I said, resting my eyes again.

***

I woke up to a room that was too dark, and a body resting against mine.

I rolled over, and Juice was asleep next to me, but there was a lot of worry on his face. His face was tense, and his body was stiff. I pulled his his arm over my waist, and cuddled up to his chest. His scent relaxed me, and couldn't help but cry. I couldn't believe I was finally with him.

His eyebrows creased, and he tensed up. A few seconds later his eyes opened, and he blinked several times. His face changed when he saw that I was awake.

"Baby." he whispered, taking in my features. He pulled me into his chest, and his body shook from the sobs.

"Please, don't cry." I said, wiping his tears away.

I raised my head, and put my lips on his. He kissed me back and held me close to him. He pulled away, and looked me in the eyes.

"This is all my fault." He said, resting his forehead on mine.

"How is this your fault?" I whispered.

"Sack told me you came here that night. The Cara Cara party." He said, shaking his head.

"Juice, no. I just want to work past this." I said, shaking my head, choosing not to relive the things I saw only a few nights ago.

"No. Don't take this shit from me. You're way too good for me." He said, rubbing his thumb over my cheek. "I've been horrible to you. And you still look at me like I'm good enough. I'm not."

"That's not for you to decide." I said, scared I was losing him.

"I got you kidnapped, got your hand fucked up, and I only ever see you sad. You're telling me that that's how you want us to be? That's what our relationship should be?"

"Then don't do that to me. I need you here. I feel like it's always one step forward and three steps back with you. We have these amazing moments, and I fall for you so hard. Then we fight, and you push me away, by fucking sluts and running away. I messed up once with Jax, but other than that I have stayed completely faithful to you. So if you don't want this anymore, just tell me. But I don't know what to do if you don't." I said, wishing that this could be easier than it was.

"Honestly, I don't know what I want anymore." he said, and I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. "I couldn't go inside that warehouse, because I couldn't face what was happening to you. If you stay here, you're going to keep getting hurt. Because that's what happens in this club. And it breaks me to see you hurt."

"Then stopping hurting me." I said. I rolled over, and got out of bed. He tried grabbing my arm, but I pulled it from his grip.

I walked out of the dorm, and out of the club. I stole someone's cigarettes from the table on my way out, and went and sat on the picnic table. I lit up my cigarette, and took a long drag.

"Those things will kill you, ya know." Juice said, coming out of the club after a couple minutes.

"Yeah well so will getting shot at." I said, taking another drag.

"I didn't know you smoked." he said, sitting next to me.

"I don't. Quit when I started college. Jax and Ope were really good at the whole peer pressure thing." I said with a shrug.

"When I woke up earlier, I was waking up from a nightmare. Instead of them finding you alive, I dreamt they raped you, and killed you. And I couldn't save you." He said, looking at his boots, and shaking his head. "Who do you think they sent that picture to? I completely flipped my shit. I was inconsolable. I can't keep you safe. I can't."

"If I can't be with you, I can't stay in this fucking town." I said, letting out a shaking breath of smoke. "Why don't I have a say in this? Why don't my feelings matter. I've waited around this place for weeks, just to see you for seconds. I couldn't just go to your house, or call you. So I waited. I waited every single day for you to come back. Even if you weren't going to talk to me. How fucking pathetic is that?"

"We're just going in circles." He said, running his hands over his head.

I threw the rest of the cigarette down, stood up, and stood in front of him.

"Tell me you don't want to be with me." I said, trying to stay as strong as I could.

"Please." Juice said, his voice so quiet.

"Tell me you want me to leave, and never come back." I said, getting inches away from his face.

"I can't, okay? I need you, too." He said. "It scares me how much I care about you. I don't love anything in my life but the club,  and I feel like I could love you. You look at me like I matter, like I'm a good guy for you. I just want to be good enough for you. I want to fall asleep next to you every night, and wake up with you every morning. I want to be the one you dress up for in those pretty little dresses, or those little jean shorts you like to wear. I want you to be my old lady, and be the only girl to every truly have my heart."

"Juan Carlos Ortiz, I want all of those exact things." I said, laying my forehead against his. "So just fucking do it."