Attention What If

Chapter 7

POV: Skylar

Ever feel like if you run fast enough or hard enough you can actually run away from your problems? You see that's what I've been doing lately. Just running. I don't know what else to do. I just feel so lost.

Even in the pouring rain while it's freezing outside I keep on running.

My foot lands hard in a puddle and water goes splashing everywhere. There is this roar around me from the rain that drowns out everything. It drowns out the cars on the street, the people having conversations at coffee shops, and the occasional barking of a dog. All just drowned out. The only sound I can focus on is the sound of my own breathing.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm only a fast runner because I am always running from my problems.

I was actually sad when Darleen had to leave again. But I was glad that I got to reconnect with her. I missed our friendship. There is just something about that girl that makes me feel so safe. Like the sky isn't falling and that even though everything is fucked up, it's all going to be okay in the end.

She can be pretty convincing.

It's been a week since the whole thing. A week of me ignoring both Jade and Vida.

I just need to breathe.

I need to think.

I need to heal.

I guess living at my job and skipping class isn't exactly healthy, but I just don't know what to do. How can I face Vida after everything? It would just make Jade think I hate her, which is far from the truth. But if I go back to Jade, Vida will be made into a fool. She'll think I was just using her.

What if I was?

My phone buzzing in my pocket startles me. I check the caller id and it reads,

Emotional support Beasty.

I smirk and answer the phone using my Bluetooth earbuds.

"Hey," I say out of breath.

"Hey, where are you? I can barely hear you."

"I'm running on the track. It's sort of raining at the moment."

"You are running in the rain? Are you crazy? You are going to get sick."

"Worry about yourself for once," I pick up speed.

"If you end up in the hospital with pneumonia, I swear to god I'll kill you myself."

"Geez, that's not very emotionally supportive." I laugh.

"You have been warned."

"How are you? Any new developments?" I ask.

"Lexi finally moved out. She's going to focus on herself. She's enrolled in therapy and is working on it. I'm sort of proud of her. She's really trying this time."

"That's great. Glad you two worked it out."

"Yeah after a lot of crying and shit, but she realized I was right. You can't love someone until you love yourself."

I stop dead in my tracks.

"Hello? Skylar?"

It was like it all suddenly made sense. I was searching for someone to love me, to validate my existence. When all along I should have just loved myself. I shouldn't have needed anyone. I really am the problem.

"Skylar? Hello? Still there?"

I struggle to catch my breath and look around me. The world feels like it's spinning. I'm soaked to the bone, practically floating in my own shoes.