Attention What If

Chapter 18

POV: Darleen

Way to go, Darleen, you totally blew it, again! Ugh. Why? Why is so hard for Skylar to see me? She couldn't even see how obvious it was that I wasn't mad at Vida or that I hate her, I'm just jealous of her. Ugh! Stupid, stupid, stupid, I totally blew it.

I sit at the table and eat dinner alone. I told Skylar the food was here, but she hasn't come out of her room. I got to fix this somehow, but I don't know how.

She said Vida was going to be her next girlfriend like she already made up her mind. Like there are no other options. I'm such a freaking idiot!

I hurl the plate across the dining room and rest my head on the table.

I hear a sigh and quickly look up.

Skylar is staring at the mess I made on the floor.

"I'll clean it up," I quickly say.

She shakes her head and kneels down to pick it up.

I quickly rush to her side to help.

"I'm still mad at you, I'm just hungry." She grumbles.

She's so freaking cute.

Focus!

"Skylar, can we just rewind? I'm sorry okay, that came out all wrong."

"I don't think there is a right way for it to come out," she says.

Touché.

"Vida's really been there for me these past few weeks. Even before Jade and I broke up she was there for me. She gets me on a deep emotional level, and the fact that you think I'm "Too good" for her, when it's probably the other way around, just really ticks me off. Maybe she doesn't have money or status but what she does have is much more valuable to me. She has empathy, she cares, even when I hurt her over and over again. She's strong in a way that words can't describe. You don't know her, so you don't get to judge her." She says firmly.

"I'm sorry," I say in defeat.

Nothing I do will make her not hate me.

I fucked it up.

Again.

"Why would you do that?" Skylar asks me seriously as we move to throw away the mess in the trash.

"Because I'm frustrated!" I shout.

She looks at me waiting for me to go on, but I can't tell her the truth, not yet. So instead, I say,

"I was projecting. The girl I like... she's falling for someone else. And that just... I can't tell her how I feel without ruining everything. So I just have to stand by and suffer as I watch her be with the wrong person, again, and again, and again when I know! I know... if she would just give me a chance... I know." I say as tears fill my eyes.

"Darleen, why didn't you tell me sooner?" Skylar moves to comfort me.

Sometimes I really hate Skylar.

How can she be so oblivious?

"Doesn't matter, nothing I do will change the way she sees me. I'm just a friend to her."

"But what if you could be more? You have to take a chance, Darleen." She pushes.

"I can't. I love her too much to do that to her."

"Just tell her how you feel, Come on, I'll help you. Practice on me, if I were her, what would you say right now to change the way she sees you?"

I shake my head no.