Attention What If

Chapter 19

POV: Skylar

"Talk to me smalls, what happened between you and your rich friend? You've been acting out of it for the past few days," Vida says.

I sigh and stare at the ceiling. Today I came over to Vida's place while Darleen is at work. I'm off today. Vida wanted me to come over so we could hang out, which is Vida code for have sex, but I'm just not feeling it today. Ever since Darleen told me she still loves me my mind has been all out of whack.

"She has a name, and it's Darleen," I say in annoyance, turning my head to look at Vida who is laying next to me.

"She doesn't care what my name is, why should I care about hers?"

"She doesn't hate you, I talked to her."

"And? What great reason did she give for being a bitch to me when I've been nothing but nice to her?"

"She's jealous of you, of us. She told me she still has feelings for me."

There is a long stretch of silence as Vida digests this information I've just told her.

"Oh." She eventually says.

But the way she says it is like she's annoyed. Like she should have known. Like she's disappointed in some way. It has a negative tone, which tells me she's not happy to get this news. Not that I blame her, I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

I turn to look back at the ceiling.

"Do you have feelings for her?"

"I don't know," I admit.

But when I think about it my chest tightens and my heart flutters. I guess Darleen holds a special place in my heart. My first girlfriend, my first a lot of things. Our relationship was a complete and utter disaster, and even after we separated, we were never really able to get back to that place we were in before. And I'll be the first to admit watching her be with Aphrodite after me, was painful, even when I tried not to show it. I think Darleen always knew. I think deep down we both knew that neither of us was really fully over the other.

There was just a lot left unresolved between us.

A lot of feelings and things I had to let go of. Move on from, grow from. But then here she comes, out of nowhere, ready to sweep me off my feet once again. Typical Darleen. The girl has no sense of subtly.

"What did you tell her?" Vida rolls over on her side and moves closer to me.

Vida, I'll give her credit. She's put up with a lot of my shit this past year. No matter how thick I lay it on, she takes everything I throw at her in stride. She's my ride-or-die. She'd gladly help me cover up a murder or loan me the clothes off her back if I asked. She cares deeply for me; this I've known for a while.

I started suspecting Vida liked me as more than a friend a while back ago. Back when she broke up with her abusive asshole of an ex, I comforted her in her time of need. Something changed between us then, even if I didn't realize it at the time.

She started looking at me differently. Hinting to me that she was bisexual, flirting with me openly, sometimes even in front of Jade. Vida has been glued to my hip for a while now. We do a lot of things together; I spend 80% of my time here in California with her. A few months ago, when things with Jade and I started shifting towards a crash and burn I really leaned heavily onto Vida, and she was there every step of the way. Comforting me even when I know I was killing her on the inside.

She's been patient with me through this whole Jade ordeal, but I think Darleen might be the straw that breaks her back. I can see it on her face, she's not happy at all that Darleen is here. She's counting the days until Darleen leaves again. Vida tries to act cool, but I can see the subtle hints of irritation and jealousy. I feel bad for always stringing her along. Truth is I should have never gotten involved with Vida, but I was weak, and she was there. It just happened, and now I can't take it back.