Sailed (GxG)

43: Right

Marthae's Pov

Staring at the deep part of the ocean, together with hearing and feeling the sea breeze, it was such a lovely landscape.

Clearly, I am appreciating the view. It do somehow help me feel less negativity, although I still can't avoid tearing up everytime I remember how hurtful her words are.

For the past three days, narealize ko kung gaano pala kasarap, at hindi masama na unahin muna ang sarili.

I've come to the realization that after all those damn years, ngayon ko lang totoong inisip at inuna ang sarili.

All I did was to overwork myself, trying to distract and to put my attention to something just to avoid remembering what I left here in this country, but, I never did put myself first.

Sure that it also help me reach my dreams but, during those years, I was so hard on myself to not let myself be happy, for the reason that I'm afraid that once I am overjoyed, it has always a worse exchange.

Nangangapa akong nakatingin sa kawalan, tinatanong ang sarili na ano ba ang gagawin kapag bumalik na naman ako sa lugar kung saan ko naramdaman at naranasan lahat ng mga sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon, at dahilan kung bakit ako nandito..

How can I keep on going if she was the one who already said that she's disgusted by me. Maybe, just by also having an eye contact with me really do disgust the shit out of her..

If only she didn't give me the signals that I asked, hindi naman ako magiging ganito eh..

Kung nandidiri pala siya, lalayo naman ako, sabihin niya lang..

I sighed before looking up to the clear sky, leaning my hand on the sand, while holding my tears and to not let it flow out. I am currently seated in the shore..

Luha na naman, punyeta.

Kailan ba ito titigil? Pinanganak lang ako para gawing iyakin.

I heard something coming so I look to check who it was. Agad akong tumayo at nagpagpag bago salubungin sina Mang Nestor at iba pa niyang kasama. Including the one maneuvering the transportation.

Sila ang matagal nang katiwala ni lola dito. They used our yacht to buy the things I asked them.

Isa-isang binaba ng iba pang kasama ni Mang Nestor ang bagay na pinabili ko at ipinasok sa hindi gaanong kalakihan at dalawang palapag na bahay na nakatayo rito sa isla.

"Andito na lahat ng pinabili mo, ma'am. Sabihan mo lang ulit kami kapag may kailangan ka o may gusto kang ipabili na naman." I nodded at him before smiling.

"Yes po. Thank you, Mang Nestor. Here, you all should also buy something delicious to eat." I handed him some money. He was about to decline but I insist.

"Sige na po. Tanghali na rin naman, kumain na po muna kayo."

"Mapilit ka talaga. Sige, salamat ng marami dito, ma'am ah." They then waved their goodbyes and I smiled as I watch the yacht getting little by little because of the distance.

Hindi naman gaano kalayo ang pinagdaungan nila, sa katunayan ay makikita parin ang isla kung nasaan ako sa kung saan sila pero hindi nga lang makita kung may tao ba dahil sa distansiya narin na nakapagitan.

I'm currently here in my lola's Island that is now mine after her death. The island was only passed to mine when I was 20 already. I wasn't even aware that my lola brought this island, but dad told me that this is where lolo and lola used to spend their anniversary when everything is still fine between them.

Mang Nestor was the witness of my lola and lolo's undying love for each other before, until, everything turned out something they didn't thought nor would cross their minds to actually happen..