Davina Targaryen had her heart broken too many times. Maybe she was missing the person that was right in front of her all along.
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"And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake. Cursing my name, wishing I'd stayed...."
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All explicit and othe...
''Oh! You were being rude. Awesome. Cool. My fucking turn.'' Davina seethed. Criston grabbed her holding her back before she lunged.
"You are drunk." Criston realized.
"Only way to get through the day these days." Davina agreed.
"Come on, lets get you back inside and get some water." Criston suggested.
"If you want to be on my good side you have to let me kill others so I dont kill you." Davina remarked calmly as the man ran away terrified.
"Davina." Criston whispered.
"I'm fine. I fucking smiled today." Davina offered.
"You are drunk."
"So?" Davina countered. "Let me drink away my pain. I'm fine. I'm fucking fine." Davina declared pushing him away. "I'm fine Criston." He stared back at her. "Its the only way I get through the day." Davina whispered. "Numbing the pain..." Criston nodded understanding but he didnt leave.
"Let me help you."
"He did piss me off." Davina murmured as they headed inside.
"I bet he did." Criston agreed.
"I got her." Alicent offered seeing them in the hallway.
"Ali is going to drink with me." Davina agreed "Because she loves me." Davina declared.
"I will keep an eye on her." Alicent assured. Davina marched off. "Shes been like this since the news of Daemon and Rhaenyra." Alicent whispered. "It's a lot to handle. Harwin and then driftmark, then the enemy." Alicent offered.
"You see its a problem, its becoming a problem. She's my friend." Criston whispered.
"She is my friend too. I care about her." Alicent assured him. "She just needs time. It's been barely two moons since everything... I will keep a better eye on her." Criston nodded as she headed off but when Alicent got to Davina's chambers she saw her fiery drink in hand.
"Davi your drink is on fire." Alicent remarked and Davina drank it down flame and all.
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"Davina-"
"I'm fine." Davina rasped.
"Davina, let me help you." ALicent begged.
"There is something wrong with me, and it's also exhausting. So goddamn shitty and exhausting, and it's helpless." Davina remarked taking another shot. "It's a void, and existing takes so much energy, that I just want to sink into a hole of nothing where no one talks to me and cares about me and I don't have to smile or talk or be." Davina rasped.
"Then let me help you, pull you out before it gets that far." Alicent offered. But Davina was already shaking her head.
"I choose the devil I know over the heaven I don't." Davina whispered taking another shot.
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"When you feel the blood rush in, you tell yourself that you're gonna get through it; that you're strong enough. Yes, yes - no matter how good it feels to give yourself over to it, you fight it off. You dont bury yourself in ale." Alicent begged taking the bottle from her.
"I can't do this!" Davina shouted. "I dont want to feel this pain! Take it from me." Davina begged. "This pain is never ending! This is the only way I can numb it just a bit."
"But for how long?" Alicent countered.
"Forever?" Davina offered. "Until its not a fake smile, until I dont need it."
"Davina... You're going to think that the pain will never end, but it will. But first, you have to let it all in. You can't fight it. It's bigger than you. You have to let yourself drown in it. But then eventually you'll start to swim and every single breath that you fight for will make you stronger. And I promise that you will beat it.''
''I dont want to feel this pain." Davina begged.
When she kissed Alicent she could taste the alcohol on her tongue.
"Davina I love you." Alicent assured. "But ... " she kissed Alicent again.
"I dont want to feel this pain." She repeated. "I want to feel anything else."
"Not like this." Alicent corrected. "Im here for you. Im always here for you. But Davi- I want this trust me I do. But while you are like this. I dont want you to regret it in the morning."
Davina slumped into her. Alicent pulled the bottle from her hands.
"I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it. I love you, Davina Targaryen. And it's because I love you that ... I can't be selfish with you... why I'm telling you this while you are drunk is because its the only time I think I'm ever going to be confident enough to tell you how I feel because you wont remember in the morning." Alicent remarked. "I don't deserve you ... Daemon doesnt either. You deserve to be happy, truly happy. I'm sorry I cant bring him back for you." Davina only cried harder into her. "God, I wish you don't have to forget this. I wish you could remember."
"I'll remember." Davina corrected as Alicent kissed away her tears.
