alllll the fics

only built to spill (and wonder where the heart went)

title from "By Now" by Mariana's Trench

Description: (based on a prompt sent in to phanfic (like a million years ago now)) In early 2010, when Dan and Phil had just started to consider their relationship official, they make a pact to break up if they ever get outed unwillingly. In mid-2012, it finally happens. (can i get a hallelujah for angsty 2012 phan)

Warnings: Angsty sad bullshit, you know the drill- Dan cries, Phil cries, they break up.

A/N: i think i started writing this in september?? and it was supposed to have a fluffy resolution but idk i couldn't do it enjoy the sadness

August, 2010

"Phil. Phil." Dan leaned even further off the edge of his bed, reaching out and tapping Phil's shoulder. "Phil. Are you asleep?" He drummed his cold fingers across Phil's warm skin, waiting for a response. "Phil Phil Phil Phil Phil Phil Phiiiill. Wake up." There was a slow grunt from Phil's bed, and he tugged the blankets up over his face. "Nooo," he groaned, still hiding. Dan dropped to the floor, crawling to Phil's bedside. "Hey. Are you asleep?"

"Yeah," Phil answered sleepily, pulling the blankets from over his eyes squinting at him in the dim light. "I was." Dan didn't say anything. He just stared with wide eyes and blinked fast, like he was trying to make sure that he was real. Phil sighed and pulled the blankets away from himself, patting the empty space in front of him. "Come here." Dan scrambled up into the bed beside him, curling up against him immediately. Phil replaced the blanket over them and looked down at him. "Why were you in your bed, anyway? You usually sleep with me." Dan shrugged a little. "You were already asleep, and I didn't want to wake you up.

"Well, what'd you just wake me up for, then?" Dan shrugged again. "Forgot." Phil let out an annoyed little huff of breath and pulled Dan tighter to him. They both closed their eyes, and all had gotten quiet and soft again. Then Dan broke the silence. "Phil? Why did we have to get a hotel room with two beds if we were just gonna use one?" Phil sighed, his chest rising slowly before falling back. "It's for the best. You know, people could see."

"Well, why does that matter? Why should we care?" Dan flipped around so that he could see Phil's face. "Is it really that important?" Phil opened one of his eyes, looking down at him. "It's.. It's more complicated than that, Dan. We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?" Dan shook his head and pointed to the clock by Phil's head. "Look. It's 1:27. That's morning. Now tell me why it matters if someone finds out that we're together."

"Dan, I... Look, it's just better to keep work and relationships separate, okay? Like I said, it's for the best." Dan sighed and rolled around a little more, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. "Well, how about this. What if we-"

"Dan," Phil said in an almost warning tone. Dan held his hand over Phil's mouth. "No, you're going to hear me out. If we ever get.. I mean, if you don't change your mind.. And people find out.. We'll break up. To keep YouTube and relationships separate, right?" Phil didn't say anything for a while. Dan sat up, settling back on his heels at the foot of the bed. "Well? Yes or no?" Phil sighed again. "Dan, I don't know if-"

"Yes. Or no?" Dan asked again, tilting his head to the side a bit. Phil groaned and rubbed his eyes with both his hands. "I.. Okay. Alright." He reached up and grabbed Dan's hand, pulling him back down on top of him. "Now go to sleep. We'll talk later." Dan laid back against his chest, listening to his breathing steady and soft snores sounding in his throat. Dan blinked up at the ceiling. "YouTube isn't a job," he said quietly, still looking up at the grey-ish tiles above him. "I'm going to be a lawyer, Phil." Phil didn't respond.