alllll the fics

Forget Me, Forget Me Not

Description: After three years, Dan starts to realize that things are different now.

Warnings: None, but it’s sad.

A/N: So I wound up dropping everything and writing a whole new fic. Hooray.

It wasn’t that he wanted to.

It wasn’t that he had chosen.

He hadn’t woken up and told himself, “I think today I’ll just stop loving him.”

That just happened.

Nothing had even happened. It had been a normal day, full of the normal kisses and hugs and the normal everything. It had been a normal day, and Dan loved Phil just like always. And then, he didn’t.

It wasn’t a thing that took him a long time to realize. It was quick, he could tell it had changed and he didn’t want that all. He didn’t get butterflies when Phil kissed his cheek and whispered a sleepy ‘good morning’ in his ear. He didn’t smile until his face hurt at Phil’s messy hair and crooked glasses. He didn’t want to stand up and cuddle against him until he got pushed off. He just didn’t feel anything.

But Phil did.

Dan really didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what the ‘usual’ procedure for this sort of thing was- “oh hey i’m sorry, but i don’t think i love you anymore. woops haha funny story right?” That couldn’t be it. He couldn’t end three years of snow and laughter and happiness with an apology. He couldn’t end it at all, not with a clear head. But Dan knew he had to. He knew Phil would find out somehow, and it would hurt him a lot more if he found out some other way. Dan knew it was over and he knew that 2009 had been a long time ago. He knew Phil would understand. He’d just grown up, that was all. Maybe it had just been a phase for Dan. And Phil would understand.

It took Dan exactly thirty eight days to find the words he needed to get Phil alone and tell him what was going on. He sat him down on the couch and tried to explain it, but the words were all wrong again. It didn’t make sense to either of them really. How could three years end just likethat? Dan took as long as he needed to explain it all. He explained everything, from the very beginning to the very end, right there on that couch. And when he finished, Phil was starting to cry and he just wanted to take it all back. He wanted to take it all back and hold him and just somehow manage to love him again, but he couldn’t. He knew that. So he just scooted back up against the back of the couch and waited.

After a minute or two, Phil sat back up and smiled just a little. He said something along the lines of, ‘it’s okay, dan, i understand.’ It was impossible to be sure, as his words were a little slurred through tears and Dan’s head hurt too much to really hear him. But he put his hand on Phil’s back and smiled to him and said, “I’m so sorry. I hope this won’t change anything.” He knew it was cliche and he almost cringed hearing himself say it, but Phil sat up a little taller and patted Dan’s knee. “Yeah, nothing’s gonna change. You’re my best friend, Dan, you know that. I wouldn’t change that for the world.” Dan put his hand atop Phil’s as a reflex, and pulled back immediately as he realized that things were different now. He saw Phil shudder a little as he pulled back, and he knew his touch was empty and weak and he had probably just hurt Phil a little more, but it was okay. Best friends hurt each other a little sometimes. Dan kept his hand back away from Phil’s and just smiled again. “Yeah. Best friends. Forever, right?”

Phil didn’t reply for a minute. He sat there chewing on words that he knew were toxic; “No, not right. You said you loved me. No, not friends. You said you loved me. We’re more than this. Please Dan, say you love me.” But he swallowed them all and forced an even bigger smile. His teeth clenched so hard that he swore he felt them crack, and all the color had long since drained from his cheeks. He waited a little longer before pulling his hand back from Dan’s knee- Things were different now. “Right. Forever.”

And they left it at that.