alllll the fics

His Biggest Fan

Description: AU where Phil had to go on holiday with his parents and Dan never got to go meet him (thanks to the anon who sent that to me you evil person)

Warnings: Just really, really sad. Sorry.

"Dan Howell and Phil Lester of Radio 1’s Dan and Phil show!" The call rang out through the room and tears almost came to Dan’s eyes. Holy shit. "That means we won, right?" Dan asked quietly, looking straight forward and still sitting. Phil nodded eagerly. "Yes, now come on! We need to go on stage." He grabbed Dan’s hand and drug him up the steps and out before all those people. They handed them the award and cameras were quickly shoved into their faces. Phil bumped him with his elbow. "Smile," he hissed to him as the first shutter went off. The rest of the pictures followed and that was it. They sent them back to their seats with racing hearts and shaking knees. Phil put his hand on Dan’s knee. "Look." He pointed to the stage, then to the crowd of real celebrities around them, and to the award in his hands.

"We’ve made it, Dan. We’re actually kind of famous. This is weird." He laughed nervously. Dan smiled. "I’m glad we found each other," he whispered. Phil blushed and nodded back. "Me too." A loud, shrill beeping interrupted their sweet moment though, and people began filing out of the room in slow, zombie-like lines. Dan’s eyes went wide. "What the hell?" he asked, trying to turn back to Phil. But Phil wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere. The beeping came again, louder and louder and louder until..

Dan opened his eyes and blinked into the immediate light from his laptop. Twitter was open and there were three new tweets from Phil, all about his award and how happy he and James were. “Mother fucker..” Dan muttered. It was stupid. The Phil and James show on Radio 1? How stupid. Dan and Phil would’ve been so much better. The Dan and Phil show.. Oh boy, he could imagine it so well. He could be the one living with Phil and making YouTube videos and all of that but.. Ugh. It wasn’t worth it to think of. “2009.. How long ago was that? 4 years?” Dan wondered aloud, actually going to count on his fingers. Yep, 4 years. That’s how long it had been since they were supposed to become Dan and Phil. But Phil had to go out of town with his parents and he never got to go and.. It just never worked out again. The Skype calls stopped coming and just.. Well, you know. Phil and James, they were the Internet’s leaders, they had their whole big following. Dan was just Dan. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “James had better fucking be appreciating that boy,” he grumped to himself.

He clicked for a new tweet and sent out a quick “congrats to @amazingphil for his award! xx” to his 15 or so followers. If he was still friends with Phil, he’d have more. A lot more. But James had taken that place, and that was it. Dan never got to meet Phil and that was that. There had been a chance once, so long ago, but.. No, there was no use thinking of it. It would just make him upset and he couldn’t afford to break another laptop in a fit of rage. It’d be better if those dreams would stop coming though. Every time, it was Dan and Phil, Dan and Phil, Dan and Phil, and every time he woke up. Dan and Phil weren’t a fucking thing, and Dan had to remind himself constantly. It was Phil and James, and then there was Dan. Dan was pushed to the back-burners and maybe even further because they never got to meet like they said they would. Dan sat up and pushed his hair back off his forehead, opening YouTube, hoping for a new video. There was one.

He smiled a little and played it, realizing a bit too late that it had James in it too. He continued watching, just so he could see Phil, but it hurt him. Seeing James sitting so close to Phil, the Phil who had said he loved him and would marry him and couldn’t wait to meet him. Half way into the 6 minute video, he had to turn it off. He couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t bear to see Phil and James, stupid, ungrateful James who had no idea how lucky he was. All Dan had left of that one year he got of Phil was his Skype name. Dan slammed his laptop shut in a little bit of a fit, until he realized. “Wait.” He said it out loud, holding up a hand and telling whoever it was he was talking to (probably himself) to wait. He laughed a little. “I have his Skype name,” he said. He laughed more and rolled back onto his pillows. “I have his Skype name,” he sang, grinning at the ceiling. He sat up abruptly. “I can.. Oh my god, I can call him. Holy shit.” He reopened his laptop and Skype and went to click call but.. He hesitated a little. Should he really do this? Should he really be calling this boy who hadn’t acknowledged his existence in 4 years, not counting one time when he replied on twitter? He let his heart get the beet of him, of course. He hit call and waited as it rang. And oh my god, Phil picked up. He was just on voice chat, so they couldn’t see each other. But it was Phil’s voice that rang out a cheery “Hello?” and Dan almost fainted, honestly.

"Helllloooo?" he asked again, and Dan swore he could see the expression that would be on Phil’s face. He didn’t want to tell him who he was quite yet. That’d ruin the fun. "Hi," he responded, giggling a little. It was such a surreal feeling, talking to Phil again. After all those years, he was still a fangirl deep down (it wasn’t actually very deep). Phil laughed back. "Uh, can I ask who’s calling?" he said, and Dan could hear him clicking, probably browsing tumblr while talking. Dan took a breath that shook. "Um, well, I can give you a hint." He giggled again, not caring how girly and stupid he sounded. "I’m your biggest fan."

Phil clicked his tongue a few times before saying, “Hmm. Hold on a second.” He got up and walked away from his mic, but Dan could still hear. And he really wished he couldn’t. Because he heard Phil walk to the next room and say, “James, why are you calling me on Skype? I’m right here.” James’ response was muffled, but Dan knew he was saying something like “I’m not, must be someone else.” Phil mumbled something about ‘silly fangirls’ and walked back to his laptop. “Uh, sorry, but I don’t believe I know who you are.”

"I.. I’m.." Dan couldn’t bring himself to say it. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Phil that he was Dan, he was Phil’s boyfriend, he was Phil’s everything, or at least he was back in 2009. Instead, a few tears slipped from him eyes. "I’m.. I’m just a fangirl who got your Skype name. Sorry to bother you, Phil." He sighed into the mic and waited for Phil to answer. Phil just laughed a little. "Oh, okay. If you want to talk, just go to my tumblr or something. And uh," he dropped his voice. "Don’t let people know you have my Skype. Bye." There was a click and Phil was gone again. Dan closed his laptop slowly this time. Apparently, James was his biggest fan. How stupid that was. No, no, James wasn’t the stupid one. Dan was. "You’re so stupid," he whispered to himself. "He didn’t love you, stupid. He doesn’t even remember your voice." He threw himself face down into the bed and cried until no more tears would come.

But just minutes later, he reopened his laptop and watched Phil’s videos all over again, from the very first one to the newest. Because maybe it was true that Phil never loved him. Maybe it was true that Phil had a new friend, that James was his biggest fan now. Phil didn’t love him. He knew. He knew it.

But hey, that never stopped a fangirl before, right?